Twenty Million Dollar Six-Packs

You know you’re a movie theater over-achiever when the concession stand gal starts serving up your popcorn and diet soda before you’ve even blurted, “I’d like a…” But it doesn’t take a bedpost full of movie notches to realize the discrepancy between cinema life and reality.

For example, this is what you see on the screen:

And:

And:

And this is what you see in the sticky, squeaking, thread-bare theater seats:

Now don’t get me wrong. This is a fine-looking bunch of folks, and many of their movie-going brethren across the world may be just as lovely. However, I suspect most movie attendees are a few beers short of Mr. Smith’s 6-pack (or should I say a few beers long…)

I know what you’re thinking. “Hey, pay me twenty million bucks, and I’ll look like that too.” In fact, I said that very thing to my son after seeing Mission Impossible—Ghost Protocol.

But the boastfulness got me wondering, could I? Absence of testosterone aside, would a princely sum entice me to “do the Hugh”?

Let’s put it in context. I’ve read (and yes, we all must remember how “credible” tabloids and online sites can be) that in addition to training many hours each day, Mr. Jackman rose at 4 am every morning to eat the first of many tiny, high-protein meals. And what did these meals consist of? Lean ground turkey, bison meat (yum), brown rice, egg whites, green vegetables, and yams.

Well, that’s not so bad, you argue. Many of us eat these healthy foods every day. I know I certainly encourage them (though I’m flexible on the bison meat). But the astute observer will notice what is not on the list. Chocolate, anyone? Ice cream? Refined baked goods? A gooey, cheesy, dripping slice of hot pizza?

And what about the boys who trained for the movie 300? Two hours of weight lifting and another four to six hours of fight training daily. And here is the concerning part: “Everyone was given just enough food to recover from the workout.”

Well, I don’t care for the sound of that.

But twenty million dollars? Wouldn’t that make it worth it?

Let’s see. What would you do with that twenty million? You could go on really nice vacations. That would be cool. But you would have to trade sightseeing for weight training, and you would have to watch with protruding tongue and hang-dog eyes while your friends and family—traveling free thanks to your dedication and willpower—devour luscious feasts heaped on buffet tables.

Or you could quit your day job and finally work on those hobbies you love. Of course, you would have to wait until you completed your pre-determined hours of exercise. And then you would have to ignore the rumble in your tummy while you painted your masterpiece. And sadly, by the time you finished the third brush stroke, it would be bedtime. You have to rise at 4 am to eat buffalo, remember?

Or maybe you could start a charity that donates food to the needy. How nice of you! But beware. With every jar of peanut butter you check off the list, every loaf of high-carb bread, every pack of double-stuffed Oreos, every Häagen-Dazs pint, you might become just the teensiest bit hostile, more bitter than the lemons in your donated lemonade. And before you know it, you’ve gone all Tasmanian Devil on the food and everything else in your life, and you end up in a nice, white cotton restrainer. Oh well, at least others can enjoy your hard-earned millions.

I don’t know about you, but I think I’ll stay in my world of moderation (as if Hollywood is calling, anyway.) Exercise a sane amount daily. Eat mostly healthy foods but allow for the goodies that make life enjoyable. And just sit back in my broken cinema seat with my freshly-popped popcorn (without butter of course; I’m not keen on an early cardiac exit), and watch the pretty, tanned and toned millionaires do their thing.

I bet they’d lunge for my popcorn if they could.

47 Responses to “Twenty Million Dollar Six-Packs”

  1. Inion N. Mathair

    Mathair says I have an innapropriate relationship with food, so I can say, with a sound mind, that no amount of money is worth giving up on caramel filled chocolate truffles, or chocolate chip mint ice cream. Nope, not one cent. Of course, I always put in my extra time on the treadmill, but I never hesitate to bring that overstuffed spoon to my mouth. Rock on, Carrie! Life in moderation is always the right choice.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I couldn’t agree with you more. Life is too short without chocolate-covered caramels. As long as the good stuff and exercise predominate, a little gustatory sinning makes life more fun.
      :)

      Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the FB like!

      Like

  2. pivoine68

    I would definitely lunge and/or squat for popcorn. For salted nuts, I would probably give up my first born, except that I have no children. (phew!)

    Like

  3. jotsfromasmallapt

    If I could *like* this again w/o being hauled off by the *like* over-use monitor, you know I would. Just wanted to stop by (actually my first choice…a mis-spelling was stoop by) and up your stats. Feeling better? Me, too. And…a special yet sincere THANK YOU (notice the CAPS?) for stopping by, reading and commenting on my teeny tiny trivial posts….compared to most others…mostly yours…I’m such a teeny tiny trivial splot…just wanting you to know I think you’re grand!!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Oh, now you’ve made my night! And your posts aren’t trivial at all. I mean, let’s face it, I’m the one that posts about poo jokes all the time.

      And I appreciate you upping my stats on this post and commenting. It’s only popular because people search for images of Hugh and Will with their shirts off. Maybe I should have put images of Lyle Lovett and Scottish men instead?
      :)

      Like

  4. Cara Olsen

    Carrie . . . you lured me in with the first picture, my dear, and had me in stitches for the remainder of my visit.

    Aside from that, you make a very good point.
    When I was younger, I was about 35 pounds overweight, and because children are so kind and gracious, never once was I made fun of for being chubby — okay, so that’s a lie. I was made fun of every single day. Thus, today I am somewhat neurotic about my physique. That said, I still have flub beneath my bum and a slightly soft midsection. There are just some lengths I am NOT willing to go. Foregoing cheat nights, for one, and my daily allotment of pita chips and popcorn, for two.
    People are often quick to judge the level of difficulty of simplicity of things. I bet the celebrities work a lot harder than we know.
    However . . . I bet they play a lot harder than we know.

    Lovely post!
    ~ Cara

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you! And thanks for commenting on it and bumping the comment count.
      ;)

      This post seems to mostly get attention because of the images I used. Every day my search engine term stats reveal someone looking for “Will Smith nude” or “Hugh Jackman six-pack.” I’ve learned my lesson now about using these types of images.

      But I’m with you. While health is important to maintain, life must also be enjoyed, so everything in moderation.
      :)

      Like

  5. Alejandro De La Garza

    Of course those people in the movies look beautiful and perfect! They have all the time and money in the world, especially when they “make it.” The rest of us have to deal with garage gyms before or after real work.

    Like

    • crubin

      Isn’t that the truth?! I bet we could all get really motivated for the big bucks.

      Thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate it.
      :)

      Like

  6. frederick anderson

    I once ate nothing but boiled fish for a fortnight. I lost 14lbs: I gained two feathery things each side of my neck. .I bet they’d lunge for my popcorn if they could.. Beware 3D, Carrie…

    Like

    • crubin

      Feathery neck appendages, eh? Vanity always carries a price, I guess. I’m surprised that with all of the popcorn I eat, I don’t have husks on my neck. Maybe some day…

      Like

    • crubin

      Yeah, I think I would, too. But I’d probably still sneak some chocolate.
      :)

      Thanks for stopping by and for the follow!

      Like

  7. Polly Robinson

    You know what? I came across this because of WordPress telling me I ought to see some of your posts and listing three, of which this was one! I must have missed it the first time around.

    Like

    • crubin

      It only gets listed as one of my most popular because I put images of shirtless actors in it. It gets many hits from people searching for “Will Smith Nude” or “Hugh Jackman 6-pack.” Although it’s nice to spike my stats, I prefer people are coming for my adolescent drivel, so I’m careful with the images I choose now. But I appreciate you spiking up the comment number for this piece. Makes it look more deserving than it is.
      :)

      Like

  8. Polly Robinson

    Hold up! Is that the sound of the telephone ringing? OMG Carrie, they’re calling you! Now what??????

    I just love your GSOH – what a blast – brilliant post :)

    Like

    • crubin

      Thank you! So nice to hear. And I even figured out that acronym, GSOH, though if it was my son interpreting it, it would probably be Go Sniff an Out House, or something to that effect.

      Like

  9. Joanna Aislinn

    Carrie, you’re a trip. Love your blog :) I’ll live in moderation too, so how about say…$2M or even $200K?

    Like

    • crubin

      It’s funny, because people land on this post because it always comes up as one of my most popular–but only because of people searching for “Will Smith Nude” or “Hugh Jackman 6-pack.” I know better than to put these kind of images in now. But I appreciate you stopping by and leaving a comment. Need to get that comment count up there on this one.
      :)

      And yes, I think I could cut out ice cream for a cool two million. But chocolate? Not so sure about that…

      Like

    • crubin

      True. I’m all for a healthy diet and plenty of exercise, but I don’t think I could do without my splurge of chocolate. Or popcorn.
      :)

      Like

  10. Diane Henders

    Yeah, I could do that for twenty million dollars, no problem. As long as they paid up within 3 days, because that’s the longest I’ve ever managed to stay on a diet…

    Like

    • crubin

      Well, 3 days should get you 1/1000 of a six-pack, so I say, go for it!

      Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and commenting on a post that could really use more comments. The only reason it keeps coming up as one of my most popular entries is because of the images I put in it. I’ve since learned from my mistakes! By the way, I enjoyed your recent post on, ahem, ball jokes. There is no shortage of adolescent humor on my blog, so entries like that are always enjoyable!

      Like

    • crubin

      Thanks! It’s funny, because this post always ranks high on hits, but it’s only because the most frequent search term that lands people on my blog is “6 pack”. I should never have used those images, but I guess it increases my site stats, so it’s all good. Who cares if they land here by accident. Still counts, right?

      Thanks for leaving a comment. I appreciate it, given this post could use a few more.
      :)

      Like

    • crubin

      Glad to hear that. I go to a lot of movies–it’s a great escape. And a great excuse for popcorn.
      :)

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

    • crubin

      But it might be nice to give it a try, nonetheless…
      :)

      Thanks for increasing the comment count on this post that remains one of my most “popular” only because people keep searching for celebrity six-packs and end up on my blog by accident!

      Like

    • crubin

      I am so with you on that one. Plus, I just learned that my second vice–popcorn–is loaded with antioxidants (in the hull part of the popcorn). So I am a happy girl.
      :)

      Thanks for commenting. This post keeps coming up as one of the most popular, but I think it’s only because people searching for “six packs” and “Will Smith six pack” keep landing on it by mistake. As you can can see, I need a few more comments on this one.
      :)

      Like

  11. starlaschat

    That was fun post. I agree everything in moderation. Mac and cheese sounds really good about now. Actually I’ve been working on putting together a cook book with lots of really healthy tasty foods. Turns out January and February are good times to gather healthy recipes from magasines and from TV show because people are on first of the year health kicks. I’m trying to change out some of the not so healthy favorite recipes.

    Like

    • crubin

      Sounds like a great idea. I know I’d buy it! I love being able to make a low-cal fettucine alfredo or other normally decadent-type food. But I don’t do low-cal desserts. I figure if I want something sweet, I’ll eat the good stuff, just in moderation.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  12. Kourtney Heintz

    I would love to have a body like Cameron Diaz, but there is a limit to the timeand energy I am willing to allocate to that goal. I fully support your moderation of eat health and exercise, but enjoy life. :) loved the movie theater pic.

    Like

    • crubin

      Thanks! Given how often I go to the movies, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was in that photo…

      Like

  13. cestmylife

    I love this post! I too want a “perfect bod” like the celebs but after a long day of office work- all I want to do is sit on my couch and watch some reality TV. This year Ive decided not to diet or workout like a crazed person but to eat healthier and work out at least 4x a week! I never want to crash diet again! I just want to maintain a good weight for the rest of my life!….hmmm, thats going to be HARD! :)

    Like

    • crubin

      I think you are taking the absolutely right approach–eating healthier and all things in moderation, and a regular, normal workout routine. That’s what will make any achievements last. Most of us may never look like Will or Cameron, but we can at least be healthy (and enjoy some TV in the process!) Good luck with your efforts!

      Like

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