I worry that upon learning this post is about blogger awards, you will auto-eject from your chair. But please don’t. I promise I will try to make it worth your while. And no poetry like last time. See, you are a winner already.
Although one could probably be a red-assed baboon tapping random bits of prose and still win a blogging award, that is not the point.
The point is, it is nice to be recognized and even nicer to pass that recognition onto someone else, especially someone new to the “business”.
What’s that you say? You’re too cool to play the game? Well, luckily for you, I am not.
Although I have always wanted to hang with the cool kids:
I usually end up with this bunch instead:
But that’s okay. As I always say: The geeks of today are the heroes of tomorrow. And even though the hero part does not apply to me, it’s still a pretty nifty quote if you would like to borrow it.
So once again I find myself straddled between the cool kids and the geeks. Participate in the awards or not? Make some readers roll their eyes and retch or make others pop elastic bands off their braces in excitement?
For the sake of protecting my crotch, which is overheated from straddling the sunshine (refer back to the title if you are confused or stoned), I’ve chosen the latter. But hopefully you cool cats will stick around just the same.
The Sunshine and Very Inspiring Blogger Awards came my way via JM McDowell, a writer and archeologist who often drops her towel. Oops, I meant trowel. And the Liebster Award came from Janet at Postcard Fiction, a woman who finds joy in tequila. Oh, maybe she’s the one dropping her towel.
So, to both of you, a big thank you. In all seriousness, I really do appreciate the nod and have reveled in the words of your blogs, both of which dwarf mine in sophistication and class.
I. Liebster Award
In addition to recognizing my nominator (that’s the smashed, naked lady named Janet, remember?), I must share six things that bring me joy and pass the award onto five other bloggers. Technically, a blogger should have under 200 followers to win, but since I was nominated during my fleeting 15 minutes, I’m gonna snatch that baby right up.
Six things that bring me joy:
1) Chocolate. Duh!
3) The smell of a baby’s head.
4) Diet Mountain Dew. Even if it can dissolve a rat.
5) The Black Keys. Well, their music anyway. I think that other ship has sailed.
6) And, okay, okay, my family. Happy now?!
Five blogs I wish to knight with this award:
II. Sunshine Award
In addition to thanking JM McDowell, my dirty, I mean dirt-digging, writing pal, I must answer the following questions without putting you to sleep, and then pass the award on to ten other bloggers. (But I’ll stick to five for all three awards. No need to beat a dead, smelly skunk.)
- Favorite color: Anything but Pepto-Bismol pink or vomit green.
- Favorite animal: The dead, smelly skunk I just beat.
- Favorite number: 23. It always seems to show up on lottery tickets. It’s the other five numbers I can’t get right.
- Favorite non-alcoholic drink: I already mentioned that in the things-that-bring-me-joy list. Try to keep up, will you?
- Facebook or Twitter: I don’t grace the Face, so that leaves Twitter by default.
- My passion: Getting through this list. Yours too, I’m sure.
- Getting or giving presents: Giving. I don’t need any more stuff.
- Favorite pattern: She gets mad; he gets mad. She pouts; he gives in. Apology accepted. Oh, wait, was this question about something else?
- Favorite day of the week: I’ll let you know when I get there.
- Favorite flowers: Who gives a crap? They all die in my care, anyway.
Five Sunshine recipients:
III. Very Inspiring Blogger Award
And finally, the Very Inspiring Blogger Award, which I suspect you find highly questionable at this point. In addition to again thanking quick-trowel McDowell, I must share seven things about myself and pass the award onto 14 more vict— I mean, bloggers. Again, I will stop at five. You’re welcome.
Seven things about me:
1) I am curvier than Sophia Vergara on “Modern Family”.
2) I was once married to Daniel Craig.
3) I swam across the English Channel. With Daniel Craig.
4) I won the Powerball lottery twice.
5) I have a Nobel Prize in literature.
6) I am an idiot.
7) Only one of the above is true.
Five bloggers much more inspiring than me:
5) French Leave
IV. Conclusion to the longest blog post ever (is there an award for that?)
See, you made it through. Maybe not unscathed, but at least you are still alive. I hope.
And for those of you I have nominated, I sincerely do enjoy your blogs and believe others will too. That is, after all, what these awards are about. But please do not feel badly if you choose not to participate. You will not hurt my big-girl feelings. I understand you may actually have a life, and I am fine with polite silence. That is much preferred to the alternative: “Quit nominating me, you creepy blogger stalker!” (I borrowed the term “blogger stalker” from that potty mouth over at A Rich, Full Life in Spite of It, whose very funny blog you will find above.)
So, thank you again to my lovely nominators! I do appreciate it despite what my sassy fingers produce. (And I hope I did not offend you with any of the dirty, naked, drinking jokes spun on your behalf—it was all in jest, I assure you!)
Cartoon image credits: Microsoft Clip Art