Although I have no other blog hosts to compare to, WordPress is pretty cool. These powerful, mysterious lords have given us yet another fantastic tool in Where in the World?. When checking site stats, we can now see a list and map of the countries that have viewed our blog. How rocking is that?
For a travel lover and devoted foreign-culture groupie, this newest display is a mouthful of rich, dark chocolate. Over the past week, individuals from 52 countries landed on my blog. I am so giddy, I might jump up and down. Which I never do. Because it makes me pee.
Readers from North America, Europe, and Australia, of course, but also India, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, Hong Kong, Kenya, Iceland, Serbia. Oh, man, I could go on and on. Likely some of these beautiful people landed here unintentionally (okay, probably most). For example, maybe “pube combover” means “extremely urgent newsflash” in Latvian. Boy, bet that person was disappointed. Not to mention embarrassed for my fellow Americans.
On the other hand, even though I only possess a speck of worldly sophistication, man babies and anal leakage are perhaps internationally funny. Or at least, I need to think so. Otherwise, the only option left is horror in knowing well-mannered global visitors are reading my distasteful drivel.
So yes, I’m excited. But once I get past:
- My initial elation
- My American shame of egocentrism knowing those in other lands can read the language of my blog, but I cannot understand theirs
- My squishy warm feelings of the interconnectedness of an online world
There is something I need to address.
Two countries have dissed me.
I note this because last year I visited both on a lovely Baltic cruise, a trip that as a child would have seemed an impossibility. (We’re talking camping trips at Lake Sakakawea in North Dakota for vacation, where luxury was a night absent sibling feet in my face or a hole in the tent during a downpour.)
So, Estonia and Sweden, where are you?
England? Present, and then some.
Finland? One person present and accounted for. (Aren’t you the sweetest?!)
But Sweden and Estonia? A no show.
Sweden, I can understand. After all, we didn’t get the chance to explore your beautiful country, on account we had to fly out early for a family emergency. But I did read Stieg Larsson’s Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy, so that should count for something.
But Estonia? I’m a little hurt. Think of all the photos I took in Tallinn, not to mention a visit to a vodka distillery (98% proof! Oof, you guys are tough!)
And what about our time in one of your medieval castles, where we enjoyed a hearty feast of chicken, barley, and corn husks served by buxom lasses; engaged in a friendly family joust; and managed a near ankle-breaking descent down dark, winding, miniscule steps into an equally dark and disturbing torture chamber (you won’t find this in the U.S., folks). I even met a lovely, albeit malnourished, young lad named Skelly.
Of course, I wouldn’t blame you if you held a grudge after my son’s blatant disrespect of this poor bodiless fellow. But in my defense, he is a teenager, and we did not build this torturous atrocity. I believe you did.
I suppose, my friends in Estonia, the truth is you’ve been too busy tidying up after loud, American tourists, and for that I both apologize and forgive you. But I hope to get a visit from you soon. My blog doesn’t house bodiless corpses or posing skeletons, but I do use some intense discipline techniques of which I think your ancestors would approve.
To all of you wonderful people in both near and faraway lands, thank you for stopping by! I’d love to know where you’re from, if you’d be so kind to inform me!
***A note to Sweet Mother: I hope this post doesn’t land me in your blogs-getting-arrogant pile, given my reference to site stats. But I love anything multicultural. You wouldn’t want to deprive an old boring Ohio gal such pleasure, would you?