Who Needs A G-Spot When You Can Have A Sweet Spot?

Recently, a gynecologist reportedly located the G-spot on an 83-year-old female cadaver. There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t know where to begin. So instead, I’ll surmise what my practical Ukrainian grandmother would have said upon hearing the news: “Who needs a G-spot when a spot of Jack Daniels will do?”

Enough of this and she can find her own d**n G-spot.

Now let’s leave the topic of G-spots—I am uncomfortable enough as it is—and ponder the following quote:

“Your sweet spot is the place where you’re optimally stimulated.”

No, I’m not back where I started; this sweet spot is not buried in an octogenarian corpse. Rather, it symbolizes the discovery of the environment most suitable to your personality. The quote is from Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, and by golly, if you think you’ve seen the end of my posts referencing this book, you are as delusional as those people who still use the term “by golly.”

To understand the sweet spot, let me offer an example.

Once upon a time I attended a healthcare conference. There I was, nestled in the back of a carpeted and gray-paneled room, content in my solitude though preferring invisibility, when the speaker, dressed as a cheery extrovert, produced the most dreadful of words. “Good morning, friends and colleagues! Let’s start by going around the room and getting to know each other. Tell me about yourselves! That way we can foster more meaningful dialogue.”

Say what?

Oops, I crapped my pants…

Given my posterior location, there was ample time before my trip to the guillotine. Although I learned nothing of the other attendees, so lost in my thoughts was I, by the time Mr. Cheery reached me, I had a lovely monologue prepared, and—if I may toot my own horn—how witty and confident I appeared!

Obviously, my sweet spot is a place of low-stimulation. Give me time to prepare, time to process my thoughts in a low-pressure environment, and I will do just fine. Maybe even better than fine. But toss me into a hyped-up, on-the-spot, chaotic and pulsating rave? Well, good morning Miss Idiot! May I get you a brain?

Which brings me to my second example. For every yin there’s a yang, right?

At yet another conference in yet another small room at yet another back table, I started out safe in my low-stimulation environment. That is, until Mr. Aggressive, I Am Alpha Male Hear Me Roar, decided to mix things up a bit. You know, just so he could thrive in his own sweet spot. Which, sadly for me, was a high-stimulation environment.

Before I knew what hit me, Mr. Alpha Male pounced in front of my table, thrust a lion’s paw in my face, and demanded, “Quick! Name five things you hope to improve in your professional life by attending this meeting today!”

A bla bla bla bla th-th-th-that’s all folks!

It’s a shame you weren’t there to witness my Katherine Hepburn vocal tremor, verbal vomit, and tomato face. If you were, you could have nodded in understanding like the other attendees, all the while thinking, “Poor little imbecile. She must be in the wrong room.”

I admit it. I’m a thinker. Give me preparation time, and I’ll succeed. I might even impress you. But put me on the spot in a high-stimulation environment, and you’ll have front-row seats to spontaneous combustion. Which is why Mr. Alpha Male would be a great soldier or fighter pilot or trauma surgeon. I, on the other hand, would shoot off my foot, crash into a looming mountain, or pluck out a bladder instead of a hemorrhaging spleen. Oopsy daisy.

But isn’t the world a better place with both types of personalities?

So what’s your sweet spot? Do you perform best in a high-stimulation, on-the-spot environment or a low, good-god-give-me-time-to-prepare one? Do you pee your pants when called upon or strut your fancy feathers? Are you further convinced I’m a nincompoop? Or do you no longer use the word nincompoop?

All images from Microsoft Clip Art

115 Responses to “Who Needs A G-Spot When You Can Have A Sweet Spot?”

  1. starlaschat

    I’m glad I didn’t have to ask again for the title of Susan’s Book. I wrote it down again :+) I’m looking forward to reading it one day. I’m sure it will be a big help. One thing I’ve started doing after taking “The Test” is after spending time with people it helps to have time alone to regroup. The more people I hang out with and the longer the time the more recoup I seem to need.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Oh, yes, I’m very familiar with the need to regroup. You’d like the book, I’m sure. Very eye-opening. Some of the research bits drag on a little, but those can be skimmed if necessary.
      ;)

      Like

      • starlaschat

        I’m setting the title aside so that it can go on my must read book list. I’m sure there is a lot I can learn on the topic. :+)

        Like

        • Carrie Rubin

          I imagine it will be out in paperback soon. I think you’ll want your own copy, if you plan to mark it up like I did.
          :)

          Like

  2. starlaschat

    “Oopsy daisy” that sure made me smile. :+) I bet I will be saying that all day long. I recently had a melt down when put on the spot with a question. It’s a pitty because I could have had a really well thought out answer if the person would have given me a moment or maybe he could have sent me the question prior to the situation that would have helped. Instead I just blurted out a bunch of upset sentences that didn’t really make alot of sense. Oh well such is life. Necrophiliac… I remember when I first heard that word at a mere age of barely 20. I heard the word on the nightly news and asked my father what it ment. That was a memorable moment. :+)

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    • crubin

      I imagine it was. Just the word every father wants to define for his daughter…

      Sounds like you respond similarly to me when put on the spot. Thank goodness for blogs.
      :)

      By the way, I constantly tease my husband for saying “oopsy daisy.” Not a very masculine expression at all. So I threw that in for him.

      Like

  3. Audrey Kalman

    Always coming late to the party because I am having trouble keeping up with all my blog reading…

    I think I would classify myself as an ex-introvert (as in, former introvert). As a child, I detested talking on the phone, even with people I knew–it made me uncomfortable. I joined the drama club in jr. high and loved it because I could be “out there” without really being myself. I liked being a journalist because *I* got to ask the questions. Later, as a professional marketer, I found it difficult to do all the schmoozing and boozing and blabbity-blah-blah.

    But now I feel like much more of an extrovert, and your post has made me look into why. I think it happened with my mid-life career change (well, one of them; I feel as if I have several simultaneous careers) to become a birth doula (a woman who supports couples during labor and birth). If you’d told me 20 years ago thatI’d be in a “helping” profession, let alone one that offers virtually no certainty from moment-to-moment about what you should do or say or how you should behave, I would have said you were insane. But the uncertainty and thinking-on-my-feet aspect is one I’ve come to love, and one that has helped me in so many other areas of my life. It requires an almost Zen-like ability to just be present, and when you carry that with you it makes all kinds of situations a whole lot easier.

    Whew! Sorry for the long-winded post, you really made me think.

    Like

    • crubin

      I’ve never enjoyed talking on the phone. In fact, I’ll go out of my way to avoid it (except in a professional setting where one must). I always assumed I was just weird (and yes, that likely remains the prevailing theory), but it wasn’t until Susan Cain’s book that I discovered many introverts share this same trait.

      Like you, I do find it easier to be outgoing on a professional basis. Not only was it more one-one-one in my healthcare positions, but I was comfortable in my knowledge, which made for easier on-the-spot interaction. But put me on the spot in a room full of people? Babble city.

      Needless to say, I’m nervous about marketing requirements when my book is out. Book signings, talks, etc. Baby steps, I guess.

      Thanks for dropping by and for your thoughtful comment.
      :)

      Like

  4. Arizona girl

    I think I’m a combination, depending on the exact situation. It all comes down to confidence – if I know what I need to say, I don’t mind getting up in front of everyone and saying it (ex: presenting at a conference). That little adrenaline kick you get can be very inspiring. On the other hand, I’m the type of person who worries about lunch hour at that same conference – what if the people at my table find me dull and silly?!

    The best piece of advice? Fake it ’til you make it! (works in a lot of areas of life…)

    Like

    • crubin

      Sound advice for sure. Like you, if I’ve had time to prepare, I don’t have much problem presenting. I don’t enjoy it, but I’m used to it–I’ve had to do it a fair amount. But it’s those spur-of-the-moment times; I’m not so good at faking those.
      :)
      :)

      Like

  5. introvertedblogger

    I’m worried about people fiddling with old dead women now.
    I use to be an insurance underwriter. One of those terrible people that refuses you insurance based on stereotypes and profiling. Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it in my next life. I’ll be refused insurance for every and a day. We use to attend conferences such as the ones you’ve talked about quite often. The funny thing about underwriters and legal folk is that we are naturally introverted. We work by ourselves really well. The person giving the conference is of course, extroverted. Oil and water. They would always start with this awkward moment, as you mentioned, so one day, the man next to me stood up first and blurted out, red faced and shaking, “Can we cut the pc crap and get on with what you want to tell us. No one wants to know about me and I sure don’t want to know about them.” He received a round of applause.

    Sit me at the back of the room, give me time to process, leave me alone with the material ( preferably not an old dead woman’s bits) and I’ll do really well. My sweetspot is tucked away somewhere in a dim room with low music and a lap top and a skinny latte. Heaven.

    Like

    • crubin

      Oh, I’d love to meet that man and thank him on behalf of all introverts. That is just what we would all love to say, isn’t it?

      Enjoy your sweet spot. It took me a few decades to find mine, but now that I have, life is much more peaceful.
      :)

      Like

      • introvertedblogger

        Why does it take us so long to find? There really should be a manual handed out at 21st birthday parties.

        Like

  6. GJ Scobie

    I prefer to be prepared but my job demands I have to react to stuff and I am often called in to talk about x, y or z with little or no notice so I suppose I have learnt to perform on the edge as it were of what I know. It’s hell at the time but a great buzz after it :-)

    Like

    • crubin

      My job required some quick thinking, too, but like you, after having done it enough times combined with my knowledge, I was able to adjust (though I’m not sure I ever felt the buzz–more the, “Did I mess up?” after effect). It’s in the non-job-related activities where being put on the spot befuddles me.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  7. char

    I definitely am a thinker…and a slow one at that. I think of REALLY good comebacks after the moment when I can use them has long passed. I’ll wake up at night and say to the darkness, “Oh, I should have said this to her…blah, blah, blah.” And the darkness accepts my lameness and doesn’t make me feel worse, and I go back to sleep comforted that my brain still works…even if it’s not fast.

    Like

    • crubin

      I’m with you–it’s often the middle of the night that my intelligent response surfaces. Sometimes, though, it comes even quicker–maybe five minutes down the road. But by then it’s too late to disrupt the conversation by saying, “Oh, wait, I know what to say now.”
      :)

      Like

      • char

        So true! I guess it’s the pressure thing you posted about. Under pressure, I freeze up; if I’m relaxed (like when I’m sleeping or trying to get to sleep), my mind is abuzz with awesomeness (just kidding).

        Like

  8. Jennifer M Eaton

    I’m with you. I’m a thinker. It’s probably why I prefer email. I can think about my response, and make it intelligent rather than babbling over lips that are not working as fast as my mind.

    I HATE it when they do the “around the room” thing. It makes me want to run and hide… unless I am prepared. It’s those on the spot questions that will kill you!

    Like

    • crubin

      It is interesting how many writers are introverts and how many of them share these same characteristics. I admire people who can talk eloquently on the spot (though I’m sure it’s not only extroverts that possess this skill). I may be able to give an eloquent speech, but I need time to prepare it. I probably wouldn’t do well in politics for that very reason. Unless I had it planned ahead of time, I’d babble.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it.
      :)

      Like

  9. Ann Marquez

    God I hate situations like this! And I hate (okay, not hate but strongly dislike) Mr. [or Ms] Alpha Male types.
    (And I’m glad you keep mentioning that book because I keep forgetting that I must read it one day. I think ;) )

    Like

    • crubin

      It’s a good one with all sorts of eye-opening concepts, despite a few drier research passages. I’m taking my time getting through it given I have other things I’m reading. But that way I can stretch it out.
      :)

      Like

  10. Kathy V.

    The Alpha Male Douchebags rule the world, but you know what? We introverts are the ones who actually ensure that the world continues to FUNCTION. Not to mention that we are BY FAR the most interesting people. Although I suppose that I’m not entirely objective on that point.

    Like

    • crubin

      Yes, I think you may be a tad biased.
      :)

      In defense of extroverts, however, I think Mr. Alpha Male was just, as you say, a douchebag. I know many a lovely extrovert, and in fact, often envy their outgoing ways. However, he was not one of them…

      Thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate it!

      Like

  11. the curtain raiser

    I work in a profession filled with I’m Alpha Hear Me Roar Guys, in fact that type of personality is highly rewarded. I’m introvert by nature, so it makes for an interesting work environnment. Watching Alpha male try to out alpha other said Alpha male is quite entertaining :).

    Like

    • crubin

      Watching alpha males go at it is entertaining, but it can also be exhausting, can’t it? Especially for us introverts who would welcome a bit of calm and quiet. But I do believe we need both types of personalities to balance out life and keep the wheels turning.

      Thanks so much for stopping by. I appreciate it!

      Like

  12. Harper Faulkner

    At the Body Farm, they poke you every where. Not only do they find G-spots, they find A, B, C, D, E, and F spots. I can hardly wait. As to the rest of your post, I don’t remember what you said. No, of course I do. Let’s be honest, the “go around the room and say something about yourself” is as dumb as laughing at a gorilla throwing his poo. (Wait, that is pretty funny.) Well, it’s dumb and the instructors that use that technique are dicks or dickettes as it were. Nobody listens. They’re all trying to think of something clever to say or at least not to embarrass themselves. I just make shit up. I really do. My favorite all time was when I said, “I was born in Singapore which is why I’m a poor singer.” Nobody cracked a smile, but it makes me smile to this day! HF

    Like

    • crubin

      I would have cracked a smile for that. And probably thrown you a look of commiseration as in: “Please get me out of this hell.”

      It seems no one likes these introduction sessions, and yet so many speakers do them. Maybe THEY should be the ones getting their G-spots poked posthumously!

      Like

      • Harper Faulkner

        Why do they keep doing these introductions? I’m befuddled and bedazzled (but that’s a different problem). Okay, let’s start another movement. Everyone make up a great fake story and be prepared to tell it every time you’re in one of these situations. Usually, the truth will set you free, but this time, a great lie will! All joy. HF

        Like

  13. kakie

    great writing! it’s as funny as it is disturbing, and believe me, it’s quite disturbing. i can’t seem to get the mental image out of my mind. bleh!!!!

    Like

    • crubin

      I assume the mental image to which you’re referring is the G-spot in a corpse, not my aggressive conference friend, though to me, they were both equally disturbing…

      Thanks for the warm fuzzy and for stopping by!

      Like

  14. sweetmother

    this post is ALSO so good. you are producing nothing, but solid gold lately. seriously. now, as far as sweet spots…i’m gonna say it, mr aggressive sounds like an a-hole. as i get older, i honestly feel that the people who take the time to think are the ones i want in the lifeboat with me. even i, who was more of a hyper child, i am learning to STOP and THINK. these tools are invaluable. they really are. i think you could teach a lot of people about sweet spots. and no, i’m not saying you should hold some kind of orgasm conference. lol. xoxox, sm

    Like

    • crubin

      Well, that’s good, because me holding an orgasm conference is as likely as me growing a penis. Just not gonna happen. And you’re right, Mr. Agressive was kind of a douche bag, but he was a successful douche bag, so I guess there’s that.

      Thanks for your kind words. Appreciate it.

      Like

  15. frederick anderson

    Here’s my elusive, conducive, and utterly fulfilling ‘sweet spot’. A warm room, dimly lit: an armchair, soft and deep; a bottle of decent malt and a companion whose mind works upon a level subtly different to my own. A discussion without rules, beginning from almost anywhere, and an evolution of thought that somehow – probably without warning – hits on a thread which can develop and grow. It doesn’t last long, this ‘sweet spot’ before the whisky takes over or, worse, sobriety sets in; but while it is in being an idea grows on an idea, and expands, and alters, and finds entity: a book is born.

    Rare, too rare. Count off the number of times in a lifetime when it happens, just prize it when it does. Incidentally, I’ve been to that kind of meeting. Once.

    Like

    • crubin

      Well, here’s hoping you can connect to your sweet spot, trapped somewhere between sobriety and wobbly drunkenness, and spin the tale of the century. I await your masterpiece!

      Like

  16. Kourtney Heintz

    I am an only child with an overactive imagination. Put me in a low lit room and I am stimulated. Sit me at my desk and I create world for hours each day. LOL. So I’d be in the back of the room with you. Preferably near a wall or exit aisle. And when he called on me, I’d deer-in-the-headlights and dart out of the room. :)

    Like

  17. Polly Robinson

    Hate the guy, have met him myself.

    Prep and notes for me every time – gibbering idiot otherwise, unless angered and then look out! (I’m slow to anger, really don’t do it, but it has been known …)

    Like

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