To Johnny, With Love And Creepiness

Guess which one of us is made of wax?

Why yes, Johnny, I will have your baby. But beware. With age comes chromosomal mishap…

Anybody out there with whom you’d be willing to pollute the gene pool?

*     *     *     *     *

Before I end this ridiculously Lazy Blog Day, enjoy the latest Awful Offspring Offal:

Teen son in response to pre-teen son’s insightful comment: “LOOMA.”

Me, who by now should know better: “What does LOOMA mean?”

Teen son: “Laughing out of my anus.”*

 *Note to Mr. Rubin: Apparently we have already polluted the gene pool… By the way, Mr. Depp has nothing on you. Plus, he tends to liquefy when situations get heated…

112 Responses to “To Johnny, With Love And Creepiness”

  1. butimbeautiful

    Doesn’t he look cute! yes, I think I would TRY to have his babies too (I’m trying, I’m really trying, I would say – conveniently forgetting to mention that I’m post-menopausal). And as for your son, take comfort – MOST of them are like that.

    Like

    • crubin

      Ha ha! Well, it’s really the effort that counts, after all. And yes, I figure my son is likely no different than any other teenage boy. Come to think of it, I’m not sure they ever outgrow it!

      Like

  2. riatarded

    ahhahhahah your son is hilarious!

    By the way I’ll have Johnny Depp’s babies any day!

    Also, Jake Gyllenhaal will do too ;)

    Like

    • crubin

      Yes, my son is definitely interesting. I guess I should at least be happy he’s making up his own disturbing acronyms and sayings rather than just copying others. Such an innovator, he is.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  3. norfolknovelist

    Excellent lazy day blog! I will take a leaf out of your book and stop stressing whenever I can’t think of anything sensible to say, which is often.
    Looma….LOL. :-)

    Like

    • crubin

      Yes, I created a category for Lazy Blog Day early on, because I figured there would be plenty of those days.

      Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy using LOOMA.
      :)

      Like

  4. Kourtney Heintz

    LOOMA–not sure how that would work but it’s new and fresh writing. ;) No cliche there. ;) Glad you have your hubby, it would be most unfortunate for Mr. Depp to liquify in public. :)

    Like

    • crubin

      Yes, LOOMA may be one piece of writing that’s safe to say you read it here first.
      :)

      Like

  5. introvertedblogger

    I can’t think. I just keep looking at Mr Depp there…..what was the question?

    Like

  6. Cakes and Shakes...

    I don’t know if he’s famous enough to already have his own waxwork figurine, but I’d lick the face paint off Jake Gyllenhall’s hot waxy body if I wasn’t afraid it would make him melt from all the steam :-)

    Like

    • crubin

      Ooh, he’s a good choice! But he would put me in the Cougar category, unfortunately.
      :)

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  7. Polly Robinson

    heh-heh, you bring a smile to my face every time. But I have to ask … is that the NY Madame Tussauds? When were you there? If it were last weekend WE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MEET! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

    The only hope I have is that I see the tail end of ‘London’ behind li’l Johnny …

    Like

    • crubin

      It was in London last year. My family had such a good time at that museum as well as the Ripley’s museum. And we loved London. My boys enjoyed the street entertainers, especially my youngest who is an impressive magician himself. I would love to go back there and spend more than just the couple days we had. Very crowded though!

      Like

      • Polly Robinson

        heh-heh, that’s because it’s a tiny island! Talk about space at a premium in the city! Nevertheless, when you get into the countryside, where I am fortunate enough to live, it is the most beautiful place. And yet … I love, love, love New York.

        Ah-ha, then! It was London. Sadly, before I made your acquaintance, or for sure I’d have invited you here for a day or two :) Next time ‘eh?

        Like

        • crubin

          Of course, because as a strong introvert, you know socializing comes so easy to me. That and quantum physics. Oh, and growing chest hair.
          ;)

          Like

  8. Anastasia

    I’ve never been to a wax museum, but I imagine I’d be arrested for trying to drag Jason Stathem home with me. Mmmmmm

    Like

    • crubin

      I wonder if he has a wax doppelganger yet. His look-a-like could be trailed by a heap of bodies, because his latest movie “Safe” produces an impressive body count. Then again, what else is expected from an action movie with him in it? It was a good movie. You should check it out if you get the chance.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  9. subtlekate

    I have all this to look forward to with my wee boy.
    I think I will run off with Mr Depp. I would procreate with George Clooney too. He has some wonderful genetics going on in there.

    Like

    • crubin

      Well, I guess your choice will have to depend on how tall you are. Mr. Depp is not exactly height-enhanced.

      And yes, you have all sorts of fun dinner conversations ahead of you when your boy gets older. Just you wait!

      Like

  10. lynnettedobberpuhl

    I love when you share your son’s witticism’s! I think you will appreciate an interchange I had with my 14 year old last week.

    Him: Mom? Could you drive me and Dan to the amusement park Friday night? And can you pick us up after?

    Me: Tom, Friday night is my night to get drunk.

    Him: *sigh* Can’t you get drunk SATURDAY night?

    We laughed, but then I had this enormous migraine that had me on the verge of puking when I went to pick them up. I had the uncomfortable sense he wasn’t buying the migraine story.

    Like

    • crubin

      Oh, that’s too funny. Maybe the migraine was punishment for joking about inappropriate topics with your teenager. Then again, if that were the case, I’d have migraines every day.
      :)

      Thanks for stopping by and making me smile.

      Like

    • crubin

      Thanks. I thought I better reassure my husband, because, you know, I have such a good chance of coupling with Johnny Depp that I wanted to make sure he knew I’d never do so.
      ;)

      Like

  11. mselene

    There are so many, but I’ve always thought that Matthew Gray Gubler (from the show Criminal Minds) and I would have exceptionally good looking children. I suppose I’ll never know. ;)

    The LOOMA comment makes me nervous for the day when my toddler nephew becomes a teen. :D

    Like

    • crubin

      I actually had to google Matthew Gray Gubler, which is weird, because I pride myself on the useless knowledge I have of actors and actresses. But I don’t watch that show, so that’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it.

      Yes, teenage boys seem to love all things related to bodily functions and anatomy, especially male anatomy. Come to think of it, that fondness doesn’t disappear when they become grown men…

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it!

      Like

  12. Myndi Shafer...one stray sock away from insanity.

    Bahahahahaha! LOOMA!! That’s blogging gold.

    Like

    • crubin

      Yes, my teenage son is quite creative in his acronyms. If I don’t hear the word “anus” in my house at least ten times a day, then something is surely wrong. Well, that and “penis.” Ah, such is the life with sons.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

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