To Johnny, With Love And Creepiness
Guess which one of us is made of wax?
Why yes, Johnny, I will have your baby. But beware. With age comes chromosomal mishap…
Anybody out there with whom you’d be willing to pollute the gene pool?
* * * * *
Before I end this ridiculously Lazy Blog Day, enjoy the latest Awful Offspring Offal:
Teen son in response to pre-teen son’s insightful comment: “LOOMA.”
Me, who by now should know better: “What does LOOMA mean?”
Teen son: “Laughing out of my anus.”*
*Note to Mr. Rubin: Apparently we have already polluted the gene pool… By the way, Mr. Depp has nothing on you. Plus, he tends to liquefy when situations get heated…
112 Responses to “To Johnny, With Love And Creepiness”
Doesn’t he look cute! yes, I think I would TRY to have his babies too (I’m trying, I’m really trying, I would say – conveniently forgetting to mention that I’m post-menopausal). And as for your son, take comfort – MOST of them are like that.
Ha ha! Well, it’s really the effort that counts, after all. And yes, I figure my son is likely no different than any other teenage boy. Come to think of it, I’m not sure they ever outgrow it!
Whoa! That is this new blog of yours I’m finding?
Oh, the same blog as always. This was just a lazy day.
Oh gosh..teenagers! I just loved it!
Yes, never a dull moment, that’s for sure.
ahhahhahah your son is hilarious!
By the way I’ll have Johnny Depp’s babies any day!
Also, Jake Gyllenhaal will do too
Yes, my son is definitely interesting. I guess I should at least be happy he’s making up his own disturbing acronyms and sayings rather than just copying others. Such an innovator, he is.
Thanks for stopping by!
Excellent lazy day blog! I will take a leaf out of your book and stop stressing whenever I can’t think of anything sensible to say, which is often.
Looma….LOL.
Yes, I created a category for Lazy Blog Day early on, because I figured there would be plenty of those days.
Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy using LOOMA.
LOOMA–not sure how that would work but it’s new and fresh writing.
No cliche there. 
Glad you have your hubby, it would be most unfortunate for Mr. Depp to liquify in public. 
Yes, LOOMA may be one piece of writing that’s safe to say you read it here first.
I can’t think. I just keep looking at Mr Depp there…..what was the question?
Yeah, not bad for a wax guy, is he?
I don’t know if he’s famous enough to already have his own waxwork figurine, but I’d lick the face paint off Jake Gyllenhall’s hot waxy body if I wasn’t afraid it would make him melt from all the steam
Ooh, he’s a good choice! But he would put me in the Cougar category, unfortunately.
Thanks for stopping by!
heh-heh, you bring a smile to my face every time. But I have to ask … is that the NY Madame Tussauds? When were you there? If it were last weekend WE MIGHT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MEET! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
The only hope I have is that I see the tail end of ‘London’ behind li’l Johnny …
It was in London last year. My family had such a good time at that museum as well as the Ripley’s museum. And we loved London. My boys enjoyed the street entertainers, especially my youngest who is an impressive magician himself. I would love to go back there and spend more than just the couple days we had. Very crowded though!
heh-heh, that’s because it’s a tiny island! Talk about space at a premium in the city! Nevertheless, when you get into the countryside, where I am fortunate enough to live, it is the most beautiful place. And yet … I love, love, love New York.
Ah-ha, then! It was London. Sadly, before I made your acquaintance, or for sure I’d have invited you here for a day or two
Next time ‘eh?
Of course, because as a strong introvert, you know socializing comes so easy to me. That and quantum physics. Oh, and growing chest hair.
Getouttahere! I need to meet you! We would get on sooooooo well
I’ve never been to a wax museum, but I imagine I’d be arrested for trying to drag Jason Stathem home with me. Mmmmmm
I wonder if he has a wax doppelganger yet. His look-a-like could be trailed by a heap of bodies, because his latest movie “Safe” produces an impressive body count. Then again, what else is expected from an action movie with him in it? It was a good movie. You should check it out if you get the chance.
Thanks for stopping by!
I have all this to look forward to with my wee boy.
I think I will run off with Mr Depp. I would procreate with George Clooney too. He has some wonderful genetics going on in there.
Well, I guess your choice will have to depend on how tall you are. Mr. Depp is not exactly height-enhanced.
And yes, you have all sorts of fun dinner conversations ahead of you when your boy gets older. Just you wait!
I love when you share your son’s witticism’s! I think you will appreciate an interchange I had with my 14 year old last week.
Him: Mom? Could you drive me and Dan to the amusement park Friday night? And can you pick us up after?
Me: Tom, Friday night is my night to get drunk.
Him: *sigh* Can’t you get drunk SATURDAY night?
We laughed, but then I had this enormous migraine that had me on the verge of puking when I went to pick them up. I had the uncomfortable sense he wasn’t buying the migraine story.
Oh, that’s too funny. Maybe the migraine was punishment for joking about inappropriate topics with your teenager. Then again, if that were the case, I’d have migraines every day.
Thanks for stopping by and making me smile.
Mr. Depp has nothing on you. Plus, he tends to liquefy when situations get heated…
Ha Ha!!! So Funny!
Thanks. I thought I better reassure my husband, because, you know, I have such a good chance of coupling with Johnny Depp that I wanted to make sure he knew I’d never do so.
There are so many, but I’ve always thought that Matthew Gray Gubler (from the show Criminal Minds) and I would have exceptionally good looking children. I suppose I’ll never know.
The LOOMA comment makes me nervous for the day when my toddler nephew becomes a teen.
I actually had to google Matthew Gray Gubler, which is weird, because I pride myself on the useless knowledge I have of actors and actresses. But I don’t watch that show, so that’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it.
Yes, teenage boys seem to love all things related to bodily functions and anatomy, especially male anatomy. Come to think of it, that fondness doesn’t disappear when they become grown men…
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it!
Bahahahahaha! LOOMA!! That’s blogging gold.
Yes, my teenage son is quite creative in his acronyms. If I don’t hear the word “anus” in my house at least ten times a day, then something is surely wrong. Well, that and “penis.” Ah, such is the life with sons.
Thanks for stopping by!
I haven’t heard that one yet either. Yeah me.
That’s because my son created it. We’re so proud…
hehehe…I can almost here the…er…pride in your voice.
Patrick Stewart. Natalie Portman (though I’m not sure on the biology of that).
Oh my god, now I’m imagining being smooshed between the two of them.
I have to go now. Bye.
You definitely get the award for the most creative trio ever.
I WIN! YAAAAAAY!
It’s always nice to be a winner. Of course, in this case, there’s no prize. Well, other than my intense admiration…
Um… are you like NOT supposed to read all the other comments before making one of your own? I always do, and then I can’t think of anything nearly witty enough to say. I find Depp a little too creepy generally – I prefer Hugh Jackman. Or there’s always Sean Connery, if I don’t want to be robbing the cradle.
To be honest, I’m more interested in Mr. Depp for his talent than his waif-life looks (though to his credit, it is hard to believe he’s 48), but it was a useful photo, so I went with it. And don’t worry, it’s okay to rob the cradle, but I doubt you’d be doing that with any of the three men listed.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my lazy post. I’ll get my act together for Monday’s post. Maybe.
The last (and only) time I’ve been to a wax museum I had my photo taken with Boy George. That dates me, doesn’t it.
Oh, my dear woman, it sure does. We need to get you photographed with a wax doppelganger in this millenium. Otherwise it will surely be “the crying game.”
Sooooo hilarious!! Love your nose! Sooo cute!! Charlize would be jealous. Yup.
Why, thank you! I zoomed in on the photo before I posted it, just to make sure my nose was clean.
LOLOL!!!!! You crack me up.. soo funny.. hahaha
Pink.
Thanks for my daily snicker. I think LOOMA might find its way into my vocabulary. After all, this conversation occured in my house the other day:
- “What?”
- “Oh, nothing, that was just my butt talking.”
And we don’t have any kids…
Oops. And I actually do know how to spell “occurred”.
Shows where my head’s at. I didn’t even notice. Guess I was too busy laughing at the talking butt in your house.
Oh, thanks for a great laugh! My son would love to hang out at your house.
Great photo! Count me in as another woman who wouldn’t choose Johnny. But Ewan MacGregor…
I went to the Madame Tussaud’s in Las Vegas last year, it was kind of disappointing. A lot of the figures were missing for some reason, though the signs with their names were there, so you knew exactly who wasn’t in place. Hugh Jackman, as well as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — those are the ones I remember as absent, anyway. But Jerry Springer was there
Wierd. All of my smileys aren’t where I put them when I typed out my comment.
I know–it’s this theme. It doesn’t put the smileys at the end of the sentence. But I’m too lazy to switch themes, so I put up with it and put the smileys on the line underneath.
I wonder why the theme was made like that? Good to know for any future smileys.
Jerry Springer–now that’s a worthwhile wax figure…
We’ve been to another Tussaud’s as well, but we weren’t as impressed with that one as we were with the one in London. It was a great time with the kids.
Yeah, Jerry Springer was the first figure we saw when we entered — other than the one of Harrison Ford that was outside the entrance. It was… interesting, to say the least.
I’m hoping I’ll get to see the London one someday. Which other one did you go to? Definitely wouldn’t recommend the Vegas one for kids. The most prominent figures there were Hugh Hefner and some adult film star, or at least, that’s how it was when I was there.
The one in Hollywood, but it was years ago.
Johnny is always a good choice. You’re better than I. I’m too lazy to even write a blog today. The world will have to try to carry on.
Yes, this one didn’t take too much effort. But now I’m faced with Monday’s blog post. What to do, what to do?…
HA! I love it! What woman wouldn’t, really? I mean even the wax is tempting…wait, was that out loud? LOOMA! New favorite acronym that makes me feel even older and more out of the loop than I felt 5 minutes ago. Thanks for that
I was surprised by how real Mr. Johnny looked. It’s a great museum if you ever get the chance to go (maybe you have already?)
Having two boys, there is no shortage of inappropriate acronyms or sayings in our home. But it does make for useful blog fodder.
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it!
I wouldn’t walk out of a room that Johnny Depp was in. In fact, I’d plant myself right in front of him until his security guards bench-pressed me out of the way. The same goes for Robert Downey Jr.
I’m adding you to my blogroll, BTW, so be prepared for millions of followers to shower you with love.
=p
You were one of the people I thought of when coming up with this post, because I remember you saying how much you enjoyed this fine lad. And now thanks to your confession, I know you were the woman we saw being escorted out by security, but not before you doused a drink over their heads and pulled out your candy cane shiv. You gave my family a wonderful show.
Thanks so much for including me on your blog roll. I appreciate it!
Mmmmmm Robert Downey Jr…mmmmmm
I believe I heard Mr. Downey say the same thing about you. Or at least I read something to that effect in the Saudi Star…
Jason Statham. Sigh.
Sadly he hadn’t yet made it to Madame Tussauds in London, as of March.
PS. In mind he’s not balding.
Did you see his most recent movie “Safe”? No shortage of violence, but I enjoyed it.
I loved everything about our visit to London, but my family particularly enjoyed our time at this museum. Lots of fun.
No, I haven’t watched it yet. The trailer looks very promising so I’m definitely going to watch it very soon. My usual partner in crime, aka sis, seems to have done this one without me
Okay, I might be the only woman replying who doesn’t get into Depp. But that’s just me.
I’ve got to think up some good lazy day blog posts. The darn spammers haven’t been cooperating recently….!
Well, I would have preferred to use my photo of wax Daniel Craig and me, as I enjoy Johnny more for his acting than his looks, but that photo of me was just too scary. Somewhat akin to the big red glasses.
Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before you’re flooded with annoyingly sincere spam again.
Is Johnny made from wax from our candlemaker friend you saw at the stoplight?
Oh, boy, I hope not. I was so close to him!
Haha, I’d go for Johnny Depp but only if he takes a long shower first… My personal pick would probably be Ewan McGregor (yum!). Oh, and let’s not forget Hugh Jackman (double yum!).
I love Ewan McGregor! He’s one of my favorite actors–so versatile. And his smile isn’t bad either.
Luckily, wax Johnny was clean and tidy, and his facial hair wasn’t as sparse as the real one’s.
Did you see Ewan in The Ghostwriter? He was perfect in that role. What an amazing movie and a shocking ending. Polanski is a brilliant director.
I loved that movie! I’m a big fan of political thrillers. I think you’d also enjoy him in “Beginners.”
Oh, I don’t know that one. Thanks for the recommendation!
Oh, I just saw it also has Goran Visnjic in it, yum! They have it at my library so I just ordered it.
It does, but this is a harrier and stranger Goran Visnjic than of the ER days.
LOOMA! Yes! Funny!
Yes, my teenage son is quite the poet…
Thanks for stopping by.
I’d rather you write. HF
Thanks, but some days my brain just doesn’t want to cooperate, or I have too much else going on. Everyone needs a Lazy Blog Day now and then.
Johnny Depp always gets my vote … he’s a juicy morsel of hot; in this case that might not work out to his benefit if he melts…no sunbathing with him I suppose…
You were one of the people I had in mind when I posted this. I remember you saying you rather enjoyed the fellow (you and several other female bloggers.)
But yes, when you go on that around-the-world sea cruise with him, please keep him out of the sun.
LOL – I’ll try to remember to do that…
I have already polluted the gene pool with the wax version of Scarlett Johansson. We three beautiful little candles.
Do they actually allow you to touch the wax figures or were you swiftly removed from the premises moments after the photo was taken?
Believe it or not, I didn’t break any rules. We were allowed to get in close for a click and a cuddle. Although, I suspect there were limits on the allowed degrees of groping…
I hope you and the paraffin Scarlett will be very happy together.
Weird, he made that very same seriously sexy-face when he posed with MY wax doppelganger. 2 lucky gals!
Yes, and I heard the day he visited the museum, there was a huge line in front of your wax figure. But he was so determined to pose with you that he waited it out. Isn’t that sweet?
I never knew omg ::swoons and stuff::
I always think someone ought to be paid to go round putting spots and odd hairs on these things.
You realise that you are going to have to keep up with Awful Offspring Offal just so I can be lazy with my Monday bonus Haiku.
Sadly, there is no shortage of offal in my home, so it won’t be difficult to maintain.
Have you been to Madame Tussaud’s in London? Some of those doppelgängers are really impressive. I thought Johnny was one of the better ones.
I have not been there in a long, long time. In my early teens I think.
Lots of new beautiful additions since then.
Even your lazy blog days crack me up! Great pic and useful acronym.
Speaking of a useful acronym, my library copy of the Bill Maher book you mentioned on your blog post finally came in. I am definitely LOOMA. I’ve decided I can no longer read it in public because I look like an idiot laughing out loud by myself. He’s such an ass, but he’s a funny ass.
Thanks for stopping by, Rachelle!
If I didn’t know it was made of wax, I would swear that the groupie leering at Johnny was the real thing! Amazing!
I know! They really did an amazing job with my wax doppelgänger. But boy, was that whole process draining. Everything had to be measured and molded perfectly. But unfortunately, they forgot to take out my red-eye…
I had thought the red-eye intentional, to signify both the harlot’s wanton nature and likely methamphetamine intoxication.
That’s a cool pic, though–really.
Thank you. Who knew when I took them last year that they would come in so handy as blog fodder? I’ve got Lazy Blog Day potential with Daniel Craig, John Wayne, Julia Roberts…
You know you’re a middle-aged woman when the above comment pleases rather than offends. It’s like the truckers who honk when they drive past my house while I’m getting my mail (I live on a high-traffic street). I used to sneer at them. Now I pay them.
Cute picture! What a lovely couple. Well…Hmmm What wax figure would I like to get with? Hold on I’m LOOMA. Oh No! I can’t belive I just said I was LOOMA. Your sons are expanding my naughty file.
I’m honored to have gifted you with an inappropriate acronym. Go out and use it wisely. But if someone asks what it means, I recommend you change the “A” word to “angel” or something sweet like that.
That’s Funny! Good idea it’s alway good to have a back up plan to keep one out of trouble. :+)
Well, if I’m going to pollute you with pointless drivel, I better offer alternatives…
Johnny’s looking pretty good there! I haven’t heard LOOMA yet, but I guess it’s coming. Oh, the things I’ve heard from having a boy. Sigh.
It’s not fair that wax figures get to have better complexions than us. And yes, the terms I’ve learned from by boys–good times, good times…
Ha what, that’s wax?
I know, right? Can you believe Johnny Depp wanted a picture of himself posing with my wax doppelganger in London? Truly, I was honored.
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it!