Two months ago I was dissed. Now I am blissed.
You see, when WordPress announced their Where in the World feature, I flapped my flippers in joy at seeing so many international visitors. I even penned a blog post about it. Hey, I’ll milk anything for a topic.
In particular, I reveled in the discovery that almost all of the countries I visited on a recent Baltic expedition stopped by to pay me homage. So very kind of them. But alas, much like patients on a proctologist’s schedule, there were two countries that no-showed. Sweden and Estonia. Estonia’s absence especially troubled me given I covered pretty good ground in Tallinn, including visiting a fire-in-the-mouth vodka distillery and a troubling torture chamber, complete with spikes, severed heads, skeletons, and body-stretching equipment (and I’m not talking yoga mats).
But happy, happy day. The two countries heard my sorrow, and both have since visited.
Welcome Sweden. Welcome Estonia. I can’t imagine what brought you here, but your presence titillates. Much like that vodka.
Sweden, perhaps the search term “which ass are you” lured you in, the answer to which is: I’m the biggest ass of all. Or maybe it was “can’t trust a big butt.” You are a fit bunch compared to the rest of us. But I hope the bait wasn’t “tight tank top cleavage” or “open mouthed female celebs.” I expect more from your countrymen.
And Estonia? Dear, dear Estonia. I’m thinking the “doctor instruments” delivered you unto me. Sounds like a nice addition to your medieval castle’s romper room. Similarly, the search for “my new canal kept lubricating” tells me you’ve added some new items to your torturous chamber. Hey, no judgment. We Americans will pay to see anything.
Well, whatever it was that beckoned, I am delighted to see you both. As a special reward, I offer my newest Awful Offspring Offal, today delivered in a unique visual format, which I believe my Estonian friends will particularly enjoy. You see, the following image showcases my dear sons’ latest gift to me, which I encountered walking through a dark and quiet basement. I think you’ll approve.
Awful Offspring Offal:
What about you? Any weird search engine terms on your site? Interesting countries that landed on your blog? Tricks your kids have played on you?