No More Baltic Blues

Two months ago I was dissed. Now I am blissed.

You see, when WordPress announced their Where in the World feature, I flapped my flippers in joy at seeing so many international visitors. I even penned a blog post about it. Hey, I’ll milk anything for a topic.

In particular, I reveled in the discovery that almost all of the countries I visited on a recent Baltic expedition stopped by to pay me homage. So very kind of them. But alas, much like patients on a proctologist’s schedule, there were two countries that no-showed. Sweden and Estonia. Estonia’s absence especially troubled me given I covered pretty good ground in Tallinn, including visiting a fire-in-the-mouth vodka distillery and a troubling torture chamber, complete with spikes, severed heads, skeletons, and body-stretching equipment (and I’m not talking yoga mats).

But happy, happy day. The two countries heard my sorrow, and both have since visited.

Sweden and Estonia have come to play.

Welcome Sweden. Welcome Estonia. I can’t imagine what brought you here, but your presence titillates. Much like that vodka.

Sweden, perhaps the search term “which ass are you” lured you in, the answer to which is: I’m the biggest ass of all. Or maybe it was “can’t trust a big butt.” You are a fit bunch compared to the rest of us. But I hope the bait wasn’t “tight tank top cleavage” or “open mouthed female celebs.” I expect more from your countrymen.

And Estonia? Dear, dear Estonia. I’m thinking the “doctor instruments” delivered you unto me. Sounds like a nice addition to your medieval castle’s romper room. Similarly, the search for “my new canal kept lubricating” tells me you’ve added some new items to your torturous chamber. Hey, no judgment. We Americans will pay to see anything.

Well, whatever it was that beckoned, I am delighted to see you both. As a special reward, I offer my newest Awful Offspring Offal, today delivered in a unique visual format, which I believe my Estonian friends will particularly enjoy. You see, the following image showcases my dear sons’ latest gift to me, which I encountered walking through a dark and quiet basement. I think you’ll approve.

Awful Offspring Offal:

Nothing says loving like decapitation. Thanks, kids.

What about you? Any weird search engine terms on your site? Interesting countries that landed on your blog? Tricks your kids have played on you?

87 Responses to “No More Baltic Blues”

  1. lynnettedobberpuhl

    shadowtale how to make it night so that lady dances

    I have no idea.

    I used to get tons of countries, but lately it has been pretty generic. I miss my multi-cultural peeps. Or other-cultural peeps. Whatever.

    That decapitated head will be floating in the back of my memory as I navigate the dark stairway to my bedroom tonight. Thank your kids for me, will you?

    • crubin

      I’ll be sure to thank my kids for giving you visions of severed heads. It’s also “fun” when they put their life-like rubber rat in my drawer, or the fake poop on my pillow. Good times.

      That’s quite an interesting search term someone used to land on your blog. That’s got to be a combination of several posts, I’m sure.

      Thanks for dropping by and commenting!

        • crubin

          Ha ha!! Oh, boy, you’re going to have to go through your posts to see what even comes close to that one. At least the person used adjectives to really make the search specific.

  2. Arizona girl

    The international stats on WordPress are fun. It’s crazy to see how small the world becomes when you get active online. What I wonder is how people in places as far-flung as Saudi Arabia, Japan, Namibia, and Venezuela find me. Must be the sauerkraut… :)

    • crubin

      It really is a small world, isn’t it? Namibia?! Wow, not sure if I’ve had the pleasure of that’s country’s visit yet. I’ll have to go check.

      Thanks for stopping by. Hope you’re still working those Germans hard. Don’t go easy on the burpees.

  3. Arto

    Your blog is funny! Well done mining humor out of anything and everything. Although, as a Finn I can understand that it’s really not that hard to get laughs out of Sweden ;)

    • crubin

      Ha ha! Thanks so much for stopping by! Finland didn’t diss me on my country stats, which was very sweet of them.

      It’s all in good fun. I think the Swedes will be okay with my post. Let’s just hope those nice Estonians are, too.

  4. jeandayfriday

    Oh the things I have to look forward to with boys. Right now, it is all fart jokes. Soon it will be ways to make mom scared. One random search for my blog was “small man big hair.” Not sure what that was in reference to! ;)

    • crubin

      That web surfer of “small man big hair” must have been looking for Tiny Tim. And the fact that I know who that is should be frightening. Which speaking of, I can’t believe your boys haven’t made it their mission yet to scare you to death. My boys revel in it.

  5. subtlekate

    Being all the way down the other side of the earth, the time zones fighting against me, I’m happy if my own countrymen visit. I did get a visit from the Philipines. That was nice of them.

    • crubin

      Yes, it’s interesting that as I’m winding down from my blogging day, you Aussies are just starting up.

      My family and I were discussing where our next vacation should be. I was ticking off Disneyworld and such, and out of the blue my youngest said, “Let’s go to Australia, mate,” complete with a very bad accent. I told him as much as I’d love to, it might be a tad more costly than Orlando, Florida.

  6. riatarded

    Sometimes I get search terms in Russian! I don’t even know what they mean >.<

    I am the happiest when I get visitors from Japan, cause I wanna settle down there! wheeeee!!! I am going to start a new blog! whoop whoop! haha

    Ok Now I am just hyper! :D

    I don't have kids yet so…. :p

    • crubin

      You may not speak Russian, but are you sure you haven’t been nipping a little of that Russian vodka? That might explain your hyperness.

      I’d love to visit Japan someday. Konnichiwa!


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