A Nightmare Cruise
It’s official. Dreams of fellow bloggers are my new norm. No point analyzing it. I already know I’m weird.
Ah, but to post another entry on blogger dreams or not? With one, it’s funny; with two, it’s cute, but a third? Might be a bit like houseguests and fish—after three days they both start to stink. Or in this case, after three posts.
So maybe this will be the last one in case I stink you off my website. You be the judge. Please take the poll below and tell me whether I’ve exceeded my welcome. Be honest. You won’t hurt my feelings.
But now, aren’t you curious which one of you interrupted my sleep most recently?
This time it was Perfecting Motherhood.*
Oh, don’t let that innocuous name fool you, nor her undoubtedly cute French accent as a native Parisian now residing in sunny San Diego. (Hey, Ms. Motherhood, how come you get Paris and San Diego and I get Cleveland?) Because not only did she make me work in this dream, she torpedoed me awake with a palpitation-inducing fearfest. One that required ambulation, a drink of water, and a check of the door locks before returning to bed.
Here’s what went down. The reverie began pleasantly enough. You see, Perfecting Motherhood and I, along with our gaggle of children, embarked on a lovely sea cruise. Who doesn’t hanker for fruity beverages and group deck-dancing? Well, this introvert for one, but I digress…
Luckily for us, we scored two spacious, adjoining cabins, though this connectedness would prove my downfall. As I frolicked in my room, trying to ignore the hairballs and body debris left behind by others, Perfecting Motherhood popped in and with a sultry French smile, informed me that her ducklings, who, by some mysterious nocturnal logarithmic process, had now quadrupled in number, were my charge for the evening. She had dancing, drinking, and gambling to attend to. Ironic blog name she chose, no?
The next thing I knew—as so often happens in dreams—dozens of unruly children ran amok in my suddenly walnut-sized room.
Oh, but that’s not the worst part. Far from it. As I turned around and caught my reflection in the cabin mirror, to my horror and disgust, I discovered I now donned a purple, sequined leotard accessorized with spiffy black tights and silver tap shoes. Say what?!
Although this isn’t me, I’ve finally found a simile of the glasses I wore in the 80s. (Image credit: awkwardfamilyphotos.com)
And lest you mistake that for the nightmare, hold on. After my hideous wardrobe discovery, I once again spun around. Only this time it wasn’t bad 80′s Broadway garb that greeted me. This time it was a leering, knife-wielding fellow, seconds away from plunging an eight-inch blade into my chest.
And if that doesn’t wake a leotard-clad, child-sitting dreamer from her slumber, I don’t know what will.
The question remains, however. Which one of you male bloggers wielded that knife?
In case you’d like to comment on this drivel but need a concrete question: Have you ever been on a cruise? If so, which cruise line? If different ones, which one is your favorite?
*My thanks to Perfecting Motherhood for putting up with my shenanigans. In reality, she is a dedicated and kind blogger, and I’m sure one heck of a mother.
Cartoon images from Microsoft Clip Art
117 Responses to “A Nightmare Cruise”
[...] help me? You’ve helped me place my periods, choose my point of view, pick my books, and decide on dream posts. Why not help choose my [...]
I’ve never been on a cruise. It’s my worst nightmare to be trapped on a boat with a bunch of people that I may not like.
Ha ha! But who says you have to talk to anyone while you’re on the ship? There are lots of quiet places for an introvert to slip off to and read. And I don’t mean overboard.
Ahh I love the picture of the girl. I’ve seen it a few other places and it makes me laugh every time.
I just realized I haven’t been getting your posts in my reader. I feel like I’ve missed out. I tried un-following and re-following. Hopefully that fixes it
Yeah, you gotta give that woman credit for submitting that photo to Awkward Family Photos. I love those greeting cards. I’m sure I have plenty of my own pics that could make the cut.
Thanks for stopping by!
It feels strange not putting my two cents in about your post above. Now that I have your attention I forgot what my two cents are. Well, you are missed, and sounds like you are having a good time so carry on. :+)
Thanks, Starla. I just didn’t figure I’d get much chance to stop in and check for comments.
When you are a writer, nothing is spared from being fodder for fiction, not your friends or your dreams!
I think you’re probably right!
Hahahaa turning random dreams into post fuel – well played, well played! Also, I may or may not own a knife…nobody can prove anything! Haven’t been on any long cruises, but the idea sounds interesting enough – open sea has certain potential for fun, I assume!
Yes, I will milk anything for a topic, even if it is a little odd that I dream about fellow bloggers. Okay, maybe it’s more than a little odd…
In which case you should probably avoid reading any more of my spam posts, lest your dreams turn wildly inappropriate!
Good point, but they’re too funny to pass by. I’ll take my chances.
I went on a cruise down the Nile and I loved it … felt like Agatha Christi and didn’t want to come home, but then the heat was a different story
Yes, I bet it was a little toasty on the Nile! But what a great experience. I’m actually reading an Agatha Christie book right now. That’s likely the closest I’ll get to the Nile…
Thanks for stopping by!
you are welcome … and it was wonderful and I was able to swim in the Nile twice … check on the bucket list I’d say
For sure!
C,
I’m no dream expert, and although I’m well versed in basically pretty much everything, I mostly excel in the field of moi… So I thought I’d share one of my dreams with you… This is a true story… As real as a dream can be…
I’m at an amusement park, the sky is pink, and The Flaming Lips are being played loud for everyone to hear… Darth Vader appears and I get into a light saber fight with him.
I know. Awesome, right? My wife hates me for my dreams…
Le Clown
Does he turn out to be your father? That would explain a lot…
Crubin,
Indeed, it would explain my insanely Darth Vader collection worth more than my two kids’ college funds.
Le Clown
Anyway, enough about me (that hurts to write). Love the new pic, C.
Le Clown
Thanks. It was time to be a little less boring.
I was surprised to find out that you were Urkel.
Yes, the secret is out. As for a real picture of me with those glasses on? I’m thinking I’ll use it as a marketing tool when my book is out. If I sell 200 copies, I’ll post the photo of me from the late 80s with the big hair and even bigger red glasses…Maybe.
Hey I like your new profile pic.
Thanks on both accounts! I know in movies and books I hate when dream sequences occur, so I worried blog readers may feel the same about my posts. I’ll try to keep them sparce though. I always wonder if those of you without a Gravatar image of yourself would show up in my dreams. So far, it’s only those who’ve had a face to their name. Can you imagine if your little partridge or whatever it is landed in my dream?
Sorry I’m of no help with cruise advice. I get seasick floating on a raft in the swimming pool!
It appears you need a floaty mat equipped with a barf bag.
Oh my God. I had the same specs myself (glad I got lazer zapped)
PS. Like the new funky gravatar
Marti
Thanks. It was time for a less boring Gravatar. Of course, now it’s just weird…
Judging by the comments, many of us have sported horribly large specs. I think we need to take a group photo in them. I’d love to get the laser treatment, but I’m too scared they’ll slice my eyeball apart. Plus, I wear bifocal contacts–not sure if they can correct vision that screwed up.
Thanks for stopping by!
To be perfectly honest, a cruise is pretty much near the bottom of my list of preferred holidays. Anyhoo – I keep having weird apocalypse dreams, I’ve no idea why, I’m not worried by anything. They wouldn’t make for good blog posts.
Your purple leotard reminded me of something. Years ago while living in the UK I used to go to this small gym. There was this weird skinny guy with a big head and mop of frizzy hair. He had been told to change his “inappropriate small shorts” to some thing more appropriate. He turned up the next time in these purple skin tight cycling shorts. It was the funniest thing ever. Wherever he went you could see people trying to stifle their laughter, which made things even worse. I was trying so hard not to laugh at one point I was shaking, that then set off several other people near by. The poor bloke never appeared at the gym much after that.
Oh, that poor man. But then again, what does that say about him that he didn’t recognize tight purple shorts are not an upgrade from “inappropriate small shorts”? Hopefully, he’s now married, and his wife is keeping him from committing such fashion faux-pas.
Apocalypes dreams? Creepy. I’m sure you can get some good Haiku out of that!
Thanks for stopping by–admirable given your travels.
I think they may have been the slightest of upgrades, at least in layers, but it was a close call (although I only heard about the earlier pair from the manager who had to talk to him about them).
It’s a shame I cannot remember much of the apocalypse dreams, they might make for a good sci-fi story
We once went on a gulet cruise around the coast of Turkey, it was great.
Oh, and I had those glasses too!!
I bet that cruise was gorgeous. We took a Mediterranean cruise a few years ago, and it was beyond beautiful. Pulling up to the coast near Nice or Malta was an incredible treat for this Ohioan.
Maybe we should all take a group photo of us in our horrid glasses.
Oh gawd, that would put the natives off! LOL!!
Firstly, love the new photo. Second, when is your next visit to the funny farm, I would like to go with you. The scary part is, I am booked on a cruise at the beginning of next year. Get out of my cabin, you and your water fowl.
Thanks on the photo. I thought it was time to look less boring. Of course, now I just look weird…
I think you’ll enjoy your cruise; we’ve had a great time on some. Is nice with a family, because everyone can do their own thing and then meet up later. Good for an introvert. And don’t worry; there are plenty of quiet spaces to seek out, so it shouldn’t land you in the funny farm. But if you do land there, be sure to look me up.
With such a difference in our little boy and older boys ages, we thought this held something for everyone. I think it wil be our last family holiday. It’s hard to get a 21 year old in the same room let alone hotel room. sob sob.
It’s hard to get my 15 year old in the same room! At least not without the grunts and eye rolls.
Your glasses were rad! ahahah I own a pair like that now!
Also, at least you are not having inappropriate dreams… *runs away*
*comes back to answer the question* I’ve never been on a cruise. The sea/ocean scares me!
Yes, those glasses were something else, all right. And to make them extra special, they were bright red. Good lord, what was I thinking?!
The sea scares me, too, but I still enjoy going on a cruise. Just so the ship doesn’t sink… But the ocean is mysterious, isn’t it? We may fear it, but it fascinates us. At least it does me.
What do you mean? I don’t haunt your dreams? Damn. I need to step up my game.
Oh, trust me, once I start my final editing process and start switching out all of those weak words, you will no doubt enter my dream world! But I warn you, there might be some cussing involved.
That’s ok. I can take it.
I have never been on a cruise because if I went with my husband, it WOULD be a nightmare… he insists that he never wants to go on a cruise, ever, no matter what. Even if someone else pays. So I always thought cruising was out of my future completely, until I ended up with a son who has a terrible travel itch. We keep looking at the Viking River Cruise brochures. Who knows, maybe someday…
We’ve taken a couple, and we’ve really enjoyed them, which is surprising considering I’m not a fan of crowds and such. But there’s plenty of quiet spaces; the food is great; the kids can do their own thing and we can do ours. Kind of nice. Plus, there are enough stops to get you off the ship and on dry land for the day. Tell your hubby to never say never. Who knows, he might end up loving it.
Thanks for stopping by!
Another dream about a blogger and it STILL isn’t me? I’m hurt Carrie.
I know. What can I say? But I’m a little worried if I do dream about you, it won’t be fit to print on my blog!
I know…you’ll just have to send it to me by email…may be inspiration for a new story…hehehe
Considering the psychos that infiltrate my dreams, I think you’re right!
I’ve never been on a cruise, and though I love sunny weather, I think a day cruise around Alaska would be beautiful! Please keep posting about your nutty dreams – pure entertainment!
Thank you. Glad to hear it.
We went on an Alaskan cruise last summer. It was beautiful, but our cabin was stinky, so there was a juxtaposition of senses with that one.
Hmmm – that would be difficult to reconcile…
Oh the horror! Oh but I do look forward to hearing more!
Glad to hear it, because sadly, I don’t think the dreams are going to end…
My dreams of cruises always end happily – like “The Poseidon Adventure.”
Oh, man, me too. And although you may be kidding, I’m not. I’ve had too many dreams where I’ve been on a ship and it’s sinking. I’m sure dream analyzers would have a field day with me.
Thanks for stopping by!
Yeah. Rogue waves, hurricanes, Bermuda triangles. I’m staying home, maybe bang my shin on the coffee table or stub my toe on one of my kids’ toys.
Yes, but if you break the skin, you might develop a nasty flesh-eating bacteria strep infection. So, there’s that, I guess…
Wow. I’m really sending positive vibes your way, aren’t I?
I went on one cruise. Norwegian Cruise Lines New York to Florida and the Bahamas. It wasn’t the worst vacation week of my life, IT WAS THE WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE!
Horrible food, mediocre at best (think Olde Country Buffet with the lingering smell of diesel exhaust). The ship was filthy, and became more so with every passing day at sea. The staff was rude, worthless. The entire ship smelled like a sewer by the 3rd day at sea. I can honestly say that I was looking over the edge quite often and wondering if I could survive the fall, and then if I really had a chance at swimming for shore, which was usually too far away to see.
If you go to a hotel, just about anywhere, you can check out and find another place if you’re dissatisfied. You have no such option when you’re fifty miles out in the briny deep.
I wrote a six page, single spaced letter to Norwegian outlining multiple, specific instances of unacceptable service and/or quality. After several months, they wrote me back offering me $200 off my next Norwegian cruise. As if!!!
If I live to be 200 years old, I’ll never consider going on another cruise. I can honestly say that I cannot recall a single positive thing about that trip.
Then again, I was reading about barge cruises through the wine country of France and daydreaming. Then I snapped out of it and realized for what they charge, I could rent a chateau in a vineyard and have a similar experience.
Sorry…saying “cruise” to me kind of sets me off just a tad.
We’ve enjoyed the cruises we’ve taken, but sounds like I better avoid Norwegian! As a family, it’s worked well for us–the kids can do their thing; we can do ours. But you’re right–sometimes those buffets can have a kind of “institutional” smell to them, but I’ve always been happy with the food. We’ve taken a Disney and Royal Caribbean cruise. Disney seems to excel at everything they do. We were able to watch Toy Story 3D on the ship the same week it opened in the theaters. That was pretty cool.
I am very glad you opted out of throwing yourself overboard. Or any of the crew members.
Thanks for stopping by!
Always a pleasure.
I just realized–with your “love” of cruises, perhaps it was you with the knife in my dreams. Maybe you thought I was the captain, and it was time to pay the price…
I don’t recall you describing the knife wielding menace as roguishly handsome clean headed scallawag…
Oops, you’re right. It couldn’t have possibly been you then…
phew…got away with it. I certainly hope you’ve had a chance to read my erotica post. The title is saucy and the story is ridiculous.
Just got to it, but it’s left me speechless. And hungry for ham…
…as long as you still have an appetite.
I’ve never dreamed of another blogger, but Robert Downey Jr. and Johnny Depp? Nah, I haven’t dreamt about them either…. =p
Lucky you. I’d probably end up with Steve Buscemi or Tom Petty in my dreams…
Eek.
Let’s hope that in your dream you’re an orthodontist.
Yes, I guess those two would keep me busy perfecting their smiles…
I haven’t been on a cruise–and actually, have no desire to do so. The thought of being on a boat with thousands of people makes me squeamish. Add to that being forced to wear formal attire for meals makes it even less appealing (I can see why there would be a knife-wielding lunatic in your dream–probably his tie was choking him and made him crazy ). Vacations, to me, are for flip flops, hair in a pony tail and no makeup if I don’t feel like it. And shave ice–yum!
Well, you’ve just described a cruise–plenty of flip flops, undone hair, and makeup-less days. There’s a couple evenings of fancy attire, but we don’t get too fancy. Some people do, but most don’t anymore. I know you’re more of a camping gal, though. I would love to take a big RV road trip and hit some great US spots, but my husband has ixnayed that. He doesn’t want to drive the thing. Guess I’ll have to wait until one of my sons is old enough, cause goodness knows I won’t be driving it myself. I’ll stick to my little Prius.
Thanks as always for dropping by!
We don’t do the big road trips either. Those RVs are monstrous. A few hours drive for the most part (sometimes 10 if we want to knock ourselves out). Have fun on your cruise. I think I’m the only weirdo in the world who doesn’t want to go on one.
Judging by the comments so far, NO one wants to go on one.
Wow! Enjoy your upcoming cruise. I’ll call my Italian Uncle Bugsy to keep the dogs at bay.
That sounds good. It looks like Perfecting Motherhood and I will need some protection.
I was happy to see that others enjoy seeing just how messed up are you. I can’t get enough although I am sad that you had someone with a knife. That would freek me out. Honestly keep them coming I like to read about your dreams. I’m not sure if I want to be in one or not only in a very polite and non-threatening way. Can I offer you a little late night snack to see if we can get you to dream more?
I’ve noticed that I tend to dream about the blogger whose post I’ve just read. Maybe I’ll have to save your post for just before bed. Perhaps it will give me a calming effect as only a rural environment can do. But I warn you, many of my dreams have scary images. Some might want to interpret that on all kinds of levels. I suspect it has more to do with the fact that I enjoy television crime dramas and fictional thrillers. Sounds less exciting but is most likely the culprit.
Glad you and others like the dreams. It’s good blog fodder, and I suspect there’s no shortage to them.
erm, if you ever dream about me, please do post that too.
and do visit, please
I most certainly will. And I’m heading over to your site now. I enjoy your reviews, and I see that “Bag of Bones” is next up.
No cruises… My sis and her husband like cruises. She likes things a little more packaged than I do. I want uninhabited islands, naked, for 3 months. She likes 6 days of fresh sheets, dressy dinners and child care. Besides, people DISAPPEAR on cruises!!? At most, by cruise, I’d consider Patagonia glaciers, Alaska, Mediterranean by sail only, and also the Nile from Luxor to Aswan by sail power. Otherwise Celebrity Cruises?! Gag! People DISAPPEAR, dude!
We should start a separate dream analysis group blog with only stellar submissions accepted! Then psychoanalyze each other.
Oh, boy. I don’t even want to know what this dream would say about me…
I had a doozie 2 or 3 mornings ago. I’d been listening to a shamanism podcast about dreams, and went to bed mentally asking for dreams. The dreams I love are the ones that are SO clear and don’t fit with the style of my usual ones, because they’re so unusual and fun to ponder.
I’ve mentally asked for dreams about Daniel Craig, but the dream world never delivers. See how much classier your dream requests are than mine?
It’s interesting that you dream about other bloggers so often, really. It shows where your focus is, although which one wants to stab you is anyone’s guess.
I spend a lot of time visiting blogs and such, so I suppose it makes sense. But I also spend a lot of time cooking, picking up after my kids, running errands, writing, blah, blah, blah, but I don’t dream about that. Too mundane I suppose.
Thanks for all of your wonderful comments.
You are the second commenter that wants to sail across the Mediterranean. Just be careful not to venture to the waters of the pirates (different sea, I know, but still…) As for being naked for 3 months on an uninhabited island, go for it. At least you’ll have no tan lines. Of course, you might get into some trouble for flashing your vacation photos to your Saudi Arabian coworkers.
My family has enjoyed the cruises we’ve been on. The kids can do their thing; we can do ours. And it’s fun (disturbing?) to watch people eat themselves into twenty extra pounds.
I’ve cruised and decided it wasn’t for me. I felt very imprisoned by the vast sea. All I could think about was the whales and sharks all around me in the murky depths. I also got sea sick. Blah.
I have a recurring nightmare I plan to write a book about someday, but I need to think on it a few more years. Very scary!
I’d like to think I…or some incarnation of Esther…wielded the knife. In truth, I’d never do such a thing, but in my books, oh yes, my dear. People must die.
Another fab post, as usual!
Thanks, Gina! And come to think of it, hmmm, maybe that knife-wielder was a woman…
I actually like cruising, which is weird given my temperment. But my husband and I like that the kids can be busy doing their own thing and we can lounge in the sun and read like slugs. That being said, I do enjoy solid ground.
Love your post as usual! What an honor to be dreamed about! Feel free to dream about the kittens.
Pink.
Yes, but in my dreams, they’d probably be psycho cats!
I would love to have a dream about you. Your posts sooth me, and I could use some soothing dreams for a change. Maybe I’ll have to start reading your posts right before I go to bed and see if that helps.
LOL! Yeah! Maybe you’ll dream of Pink Kittehs eating marshmellows on a cruise full of pink lemonade.
Pink.
See? I’m relaxed already.
HAHAHAH
Love the new gravatar!
Pink.
Thanks.
Let me start out by assuring you that I am not the knife-wielding nautical nastyman from your dream. Even in dreams, I much prefer poisoning my victims.
Every now and again, it seems like somebody does get bumped off mysteriously on a cruise or mysteriously disappears. I think if a person really hated their spouse and was tired of the soul-crushing nature of life, a fun thing to do would be to book a cruise with your spouse, and then, after provoking a very public fight with them, later, leap secretly to your briny death.
I can just hear the cops: “So, Mrs. Smaktakula, you and your husband fight, and then hours later he just disappears from the face of the earth? I’m afraid you’ll have to come with us.”
Oh, believe me, my husband never tired of making “lost wife” jokes on the couple cruises we took. But I do feel for you men. If something happens to the Mrs., you guys are always the first suspect…
As for the poisoning. Seems wise. Much less messy, though a little more imprecise.
I think I had those same glasses in the 80s! Keep up your dream posts – they are hilarious!
Thank you! And I promise never to wear those glasses again if you won’t wear yours.
I pinkie swear I will never put those glasses near my face again! I do recall wearing them with a shiny dance outfit and tap shoes. I think my mom was into torture back then.
Okay. Just admit it. It was you who submitted that Awkward Family Photo…
I plead the fifth!
If you can wear a shiny purple leotard like that, more power to you, is what I say.
Cruises are not really my favorite thing. Unless you’re talking about taking the yacht for a spin around the Med(iterranean). I think I could get into that.
I can see you on that yacht now, writing your next bestseller, Nice, France off in the distance. Ahh, now that would be a nice dream…
Ooh, I think I got to cast the first vote! Woo Hoo! Keep at the dream posts—they make the rest of us realize we’re not so crazy after all—there are others like us in the world.
A cruise would be a nightmare for me. Crowds are okay—as long as I can get away from them. But on a cruise ship? Yikes. Trapped!
I’m also not into stuffing my face on fattening food and drinking way too much alcohol. So I don’t plan on adding a cruise to the bucket list.
I’m glad I was just dispensing salad and helpful writing advice.
Yes, you were kind not to invite any weapons into the dream.
We actually enjoy cruising. There’s so much for the kids to do, and we can lounge in the sun while they do it. Although one can come back ten pounds overweight, there are actually a lot of healthy food choices. You just have to know when to say “no” to the lovely desserts. I’m good the first few days, and then I cave. But there’s always the gym.
I’m so baffled, I don’t know what to say! I’ll have to nap and dream and get back to you later…
Yes, such is my dream mind. It was so bizarre, I had to jot it down when I woke up, just in case I decided to blog about it. I suspect it occurred because your Wednesday post was the last I read before bed that night, and my husband and I had been talking about going on a cruise. Where the leotard fits in is anyone’s guess. Maybe I heard an 80s song earlier?
Hope I didn’t offend you. Is all in fun.
I have to say, I’m glad I wasn’t the one who stabbed you! That will teach me to tell you to read Agatha Christie’s murder stories…
I feel flattered you picked me to go on a cruise, and I hope your husband isn’t too disappointed he wasn’t your choice. I’ve never been on a cruise and it doesn’t really attract me. The idea of getting stuck on a boat, stuffing my face with salmomella-loaded yummy food, and visiting the most touristy/fake spots on third-world islands is not for me. I’d rather spend a week surrounded by greenery and enjoy the fresh air.
So I guess you won’t be joining us on our cruise this summer?
Maybe it was the Agatha Christie thing–I didn’t think of that. I’ll have to go back and see when you first mentioned that book to me. Of course, I just finished the part about poor Mr. Ackroyd’s stabbing yesterday, so that would be pretty clairvoyant of me given the dream was last week!
What, you didn’t know you could read into the future? Add that to your resume right away!