To any new followers seduced by my earlier teases of blogger propriety, I apologize for today’s post. But if you enjoy adolescent humor, I encourage you to stick around.
If you’re not familiar with my Awful Offspring Offal, see my About Me page for a quick description. Today’s sweet nuggets include one from each son. Though my youngest lags behind the oldest in offal content, he has amassed an impressive collection lately, which suggests that the seeds of scatology require a period of incubation before sprouting.
During a recent seizure-inducing stroll around the Circus Circus arcade in Las Vegas, an odd thumping besieged my buttocks. Subtle at first, the sensation intensified. I halted and peered behind me. Why, it’s a green blow-up alien doll pecking my tush! The following monotonous chant from my son accompanied this outer-world intimacy:
“Looking for next human anus to probe. Looking for next human anus to probe. Looking for next…”
My dignity has not been seen since.
While enjoying a family dinner of Chicken Cacciatore and pleasant conversation, surprisingly devoid of penis and poo talk, my fifteen year old shat the following non-sequitur:
“Dad’s head looks like a vagina.”
Um, say what?
My dear Mr. Rubin, I assure you, your head does not resemble a vagina. But obviously, redirection of our educational efforts is urgently needed.
Questions? Answers? Don’t worry. I don’t expect a response. I only hope you’ll be back.
Images other than my butt-probing alien are from Microsoft Clip Art.
For the 0.2% of you who are interested, I’m about half-way through my edits. My editor is kinder on me than I am to myself. I oscillate between thinking, “Hey, my book’s okay” and “Good God, my book stinks.” But I guess that’s what happens when you’ve read something so many times it becomes a permanent stain on your retinas.