Tell Me That Didn’t Happen
Enough talk about books. Today I will debase myself.
Perhaps you’re familiar with the funny doctor’s stories circulating on the Internet. I’ve even posted a few on my blog (Peanut Butter and Kentucky Jelly Sandwiches). But often these jokes are at the patient’s expense.
Well, not today, folks. Today, the expense is all mine.
Travel back in time with me, back to an era of leggings, patterned sweaters, and scrunchies. Back to my days of residency training. This is my gift to you—four tales of humiliation sustained by yours truly. Relax and enjoy…
The Not-Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and the Sad
1. The Not-Good
Here I am, post-call from a night in the pediatric ICU, trudging to my weekly afternoon clinic. Tired, showerless, and still in scrubs, I whip out my happy face and greet my first patient, a five-year-old girl with a painful ear. After conducting the history, I smile and wheel my stool closer to the child, now perched upon her mother’s lap. As I lean in to auscultate her lungs, she turns to her mother and shouts, “Pew, Mommy, she stinks!”
Yeah? Well, you try smelling fresh and breezy after an adrenalin-fueled thirty hours in the PICU, Little Miss Antiperspirant!
She’s stinkier than this disgusting brown blob, Mommy.
2. The Bad
On a similar vein, again post-call, again exhausted from yet another stressful rotation, a different plucky youth in my afternoon clinic focuses his laser-like gaze on my generous beak. Then he widens his eyes and suddenly proclaims, “That pimple is huge!”
Aw, thanks Mr. Benzoyl Pediatric.
3. The Ugly
Flash forward to a couple years later. I’m now chief resident. I’m skilled. I’m professional. I’m delighted to pass time in my clinic after a full eight-hours of sleep. Eager to see my first patient, a fresh-from-the-womb newborn, I bound into the room and greet a young woman and a silver-haired man, the latter of whom is holding the baby.
“Hello, I’m Carrie Rubin,” I say. “So nice to meet you.” Then, glancing at the older man, I add in an exuberant tone, “And how wonderful that Grandpa could join us!”
The room falls silent. The mother looks at me, and with a voice that could melt an igloo, says, “This is my husband, the baby’s father.”
Oops.
4. The Sad
Now I am post-residency, newly employed in a group practice that maintains weekend hours at a different clinic site. During my first Saturday shift in the unfamiliar exam rooms, I repeatedly open and shut drawers, hoping to find what I need—tongue blades, strep swabs, alcohol pads.
Later on, after removing staples from a child’s scalp laceration as part of his ER follow-up, I am relieved the simple procedure went smoothly. No bleeding, no discomfort, no crying. And the wound is healing well. But just to be safe, I’ll cover the site with antibacterial ointment.
Once again floundering in the drawers for the desired object, I finally spot a small packet of Bacitracin and pull it out. While I discuss with the family wound-care instructions, I apply the ointment. Once finished, I pat the child on the back and wave the family on their way.
As I turn back to the examination table to clean up my mess, the label on the empty packet of ointment catches my eye. I pause. I suck in a breath.
I have just applied a liberal coating of KY Jelly to my patient’s head.
Oh, yeah, that will keep the infection away.
Lubricating jelly…Bacitracin…Eh, what’s the diff? (Image credit: tigermedical.com)
Have you ever done something idiotic in your line of work? Ever put your foot in your mouth? Ever told your doctor she smelled?
All images from Microsoft Clip Art unless otherwise indicated
140 Responses to “Tell Me That Didn’t Happen”
It’s funny when a patient farts when being adjusted. It’s horrifying when the lady doctor does it. (shame face)
Haha. That one gave me a good laugh. We’re much more tolerant of the patients’ behavior than our own, aren’t we?
True. Worse is that those two patients who’ve heard me fart never came back.
Probably just as well…
The fact that you could handle a child’s lacerated scalp without passing out (as I would) means you are forgiven for it all! Loved this post!
Oh, good! I’m glad all is forgiven. And the best part is, the family was never the wiser to the fact that I lubricated their son’s head rather than anti-bacterial-ed it.
[...] given you poo talk; I’ve given you lubricant talk; now I’ll give you serious talk. [...]
What’s funny about me is that I often take a really long time to think about what I want to say. So long that sometimes it becomes a moot point. If this happens often enough, I actually dare to say something after a much shorter-than-usual period of contemplation. Sometimes it goes well and I pat myself on the back; sometimes I curse myself for not taking the usual safe route. Good thing – I think I’m either learning to contemplate faster or to not give as big of a crap…
Sounds like you’ve got a few interesting stories from your past life!
Ah, yes, all those great comments and comebacks that occur to us hours after we needed them. But you’re wise to be cautious. Words can’t be taken back, so if we keep something cringe-worthy from flying out, that is a good thing. Wish I would have applied that to “Grandpa.”
Very amusing and superbly written, as always Carrie! Nah, I don’t say rude things to my doctor, it’s like saying it to the waiter, they spit in your soup.
Thank you, Rose. And you raise a good point. Telling your doc he smells might just land you a rubber glove, lubricating jelly, and an orifice exam you hadn’t planned on…
By the way, I LOVED your fan fiction piece. So glad I stumbled upon it (WordPress doesn’t give a pingback unless there’s a link to a particular blog post, not the main blog URL itself). I’ll be linking to it in my new post this morning. You are two kind!
Thanks for sharing these stories. It’s nice to laugh at the doctor and not the patient for a change.
You’re welcome, and thanks for stopping by!
I have never told a doctor that they smell. My children say embarrassing things all the time, but fortunately they haven’t said that one…
I knew it was going to be KY jelly! Why is it that whenever you go looking for medical supplies, sterile packets of KY jelly are all you can find? Honestly, I have this problem at my own house! Regardless of what I’m looking for, they are the only thing I can find!
Well, as long as you don’t make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of them, you should be fine.
Thanks for the comment.
I laughed out loud throughout the post! I have actually said something similar to your father of the baby story. I had a student come in for conferences with a younger woman and an older woman. They were all introduced to me with the same last name. I assumed (first problem) that the younger woman was his mother. I turned to the student at one point and said, “You could even have your grandmother help you by reading with you.” The older woman spoke up and said, “He hasn’t had a grandmother for over 10 years. I am his mom and I will help him.” To this day I don’t know if she understood that I was thinking she was the grandma. Still, I felt horrible all the same.
Ah, yes, if only we could stuff those words back into our mouths. Or reverse time a wee bit, or something.
Love your blog & have nominated you for The Booker Award.
http://sylverblaque.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/the-booker-award/
Have a sweet week!
Thank you! I appreciate the nod. You’re the second blogger who’s given me that award, so I guess I should get busy and put together a blog post. I have a bad habit of leaving these award things until the last minute.
Me, too! So glad I’m not alone in this…
I talk too much.
In chatty mode, stupidly asked when the baby was due and of course the woman was not pregnant. Not fat, you understand, slim legs, ankles, face, everywhere else, just very well developed in the abdominal area. Round in fact.
Now, unless I know absolutely definitely someone is very pregnant and due to give birth within the next 48 hours I would never ever mention it.
I’ve learned that the hard way, too. It only took one slip-up for me to learn to bite my tongue in these matters.
Thanks for the comment, Pat.
Oh, how I laughed at this post! Sooo, funny. I make blunders quite often.
I was reading out loud to a 5th grade Science class one time and tripped up on the word organism and pronounced it orgasim…they were laughing so hard it took me a minute to comprehend what I had said…I was SO embarrassed! I finally, said, “Stop laughing! You people should not even know what that word means!”
I never told my doctor he stunk…but I can remember being a shy 18 yr old in for a check-up and sheepishly asking him a vague question about birth control…he informed me, since I was not married, there was no need to have that as a concern! Wow, things have changed!
First off, the ‘orgasm’ thing? So funny, and so likely to happen to me, too. Kids will call you out every time.
Second off, that response by your doctor makes me huff and puff a bit, because sadly, there are probably still some with that mindset around.
Thanks for commenting!
This was very enjoyable to read! It’s funny the things you remember. I came across your blog from Sylver Blaque’s site. It’s wonderful. A doctor and a writer?! That’s very impressive. Now following.
Thank you! I’m so glad you stopped by. I’ve been perusing your site as well, and I love how you present your posts in such a readable style (numbering lists, bolding key points). Great information, too!
Oh and the KY incident? Hysterical. Did that kid come back, lol?
As far as I know, they never knew he was lubed rather than anti-bacterialed.
Mind over matter works for me, lol. Excellent story.
Thank you.
I love work war stories, especially those with a medical bent. I’m sure I could list tons, but the one that jumps out came from a lady who’d probably had some hip surgery or some other ortho condition that required upper body strengthening during her inpatient rehab stay.
All I remember is setting her up (every day) and somehow forgetting she was there b/c of physically needier patients. One day she yells across the rehab gym: “Joanna, you have a mind like a sieve when it comes to me!” Uh, that I did.
Ha ha! Maybe that patient should be a writer. “A mind like a sieve” is a pretty good simile.
I thought of you Monday night while I watched DWTS. Looks like it will be a fun season–they’re all so good! And I know how uncool I’ve just made myself by announcing to the rest of the readers that I watch that show…
If you’re ‘uncool’ b/c you inferred you’ll watch my DWTS, imagine what a geek I am, lol. Hate that anyone has to go home. Someone tweeted something about not having eliminations. Why not, esp. for an ‘all-start’ season? Let each couple dance every week and let viewers vote. Announce who might be in jeopardy on any given week–or eliminate a few every three weeks or so. IDK, it IS an all-star season.
Geez, did I REALLY go on like that? So what’s the next step up (or down?) from GEEK? DWEEB?
You’re a softie, aren’t you? Not wanting any of those folks to go home. I can’t say I’m sad to see Pamela Anderson leave. Nothing against her–she’s just not one of my favorites. I suppose I’ll feel differently if Gilles gets sent home…
No Pamela = No Tristan. Serious
As much as I like him though, I get a little tired of Pamela’s persona. Seems like she always has to keep up ‘the kitten,’ know what I mean? Feel like she doesn’t show her true self.
The day William Levy got voted off, even as last season’s 2nd runner up…
Yes, that was a sad night…
And at least eight more like it on the way. Such is the fate of the fans and the dancers, pro and celeb alike…
I think KY is a cure-all. And I think in general it is always best to be well lubricated. I bet he got on the bus so much easier.
The very first scenario also made me laugh because my son just did the same thing to a nice lady at the YMCA, plugging his nose and announcing repeatedly “she stinks”. I tried to claim the stink as my own to make it up for her, but the damage was done. Now that I think about it I should have just told her that he says the same thing about everything I cook.
Children–they’re just the sweet little apple of our eyes, aren’t they?
And you’re right–having a well-lubricated head can protect against all sorts of hazards…
rofl – I’m sorry I’m still busy chuckling at the grandpa story. I’ll come back to you on my own bouts of foot in mouth!
Yes, that wasn’t one of my finer moments…
But so very funny
These are funny, and I feel your pain, Connie. When I was younger, I had a real problem with this kind of thing, because my mouth would engage much more quickly than my brain. I’m a lot better about it now.
I must’ve gotten burned on the “old dad/mom” one in high school, because I’m VERY careful about that. Even when someone is obviously the grandparent, I ask, “Is that your little boy?” Usually, they’ll laugh, give me a funny look (but not the same as if I’d asked a parent if he/she were a grandparent!) and say, “No, I’m the grandparent!”
But the piece d’resistance is the thing I do next. I don’t SAY anything, just go on with the conversation, but from my face it’s clear I’m surprised that someone obviously so young-looking is a grandparent. It’s MONEY, I tell you!
I may have mentioned this before, but about ten years ago I was working with a customer really biffed it. I was writing a policy for a woman and had to fill in her occupation. I knew she was a homemaker, but instead of asking “are you a homemaker,” I said, “are you just a homemaker.” I really regret this still, because it’s such an insulting question (although I didn’t intend it that way). I still got the policy but the customer was really upset because she thought I was denigrating the very real work a homemaker does (and although at that time I was single and childless, I still had a pretty good appreciation of what a homemaker does, although not like now). She actually wrote me a letter about it, and I responded with a letter of my own (an apology; no excuses–they RUIN apologies). I never saw her face-to-face again. I don’t think I’d recognize her if I saw her now, which is too bad, because we’d probably have a lot to talk about.
Rubbing KY Jelly into a child’s scalp has got to have earned your name a place on some registry or other.
Yes, I remember you telling me that story before. And thank you for saying “an apology; no excuses–they RUIN apologies.” I couldn’t agree more. It’s my pet peeve when someone thinks they’re apologizing, but really, they’re just deflecting the blame onto someone or something else.
And I learned my lesson on the grandparent thing. Never again have I made such a mistake. Of course, there’s always something new around the corner…
A bad apology is worse than no apology at all. Recently I had an experience like that. I expressed a grievance to someone via text. I’ve done a good deal of reading about conflict resolution and effective communication, and I always wait a good amount of time after composing communication of this nature before I send it. Moreover, I check it several times to make sure it’s expressed in “I feel” language rather than “you do” accusations. The goal is to make the communication as non-threatening as possible so that I can convey the full power of my disappointment and/or hurt.
So I was gratified when, about an hour later, I received a text with a nice, short apology (I don’t require self-flagellation or grovelling, basically just recognition that I’m pissed. As far as I was concerned, there was no longer any problem.
Then, a few moments later, came the excuse-text. I just looked at my phone and thought, “Man, what the f*** is this?” The problem is still unresolved.
The old bait and switch…
Out of the mouths of babes… your experiences just bolster my tendency to avoid children whenever possible.
On the “professional embarrassment” side, I once had 30 workbooks printed up in which I advised computer students to “shit-click”. It should have read “Shift-Click”…
Okay–you nearly killed me with that one. Literally. I’m walking on my treadmill using my “treadmill shelf” to hold my laptop, and I laughed so hard, I almost tripped. Oh, the horror you must have felt, although, I’m sure it lightened the mood, and everybody got a good kick out of it.
Oops, sorry.
To be perfectly honest, I laughed my ass off when I discovered it. It took a good half-hour before it occurred to me that others may not share my puerile sense of humour. I think I may lack some basic socialization.
Well, that makes two of us then…
I am not ready to disclose my big gaffs. But…I usually wear my shirt tucked, this day was an exception. I had dressed up a little for a meeting and the blouse did not tuck in. A patient I had not seen in years walked past and declared how great I looked and congrats on the pregnancy. She was horrified and kept apologizing. I was laughing for the rest of the day. I thought it was hysterical but I never have worn that outfit again
Ha ha! I know the feeling. I have a sweater that my kids call my ‘pregnancy’ sweater. It has a high empire waist and is more loose underneath this. It really would make a good maternity top. Which is maybe why I wear it. Just to make people question why a woman my age would be with child…
Good fun for sure!
pretty funny carrie:) i’m not in the field but aren’t some of them tubes pretty small with tiny print on them. i think i’ve seen it like that. a good cover perhaps..haha.
Well, the packets certainly are the same grayish color, so that’s my defense and I’m sticking to it…
By the way, I thought of you this morning when I saw a commercial where a guy in his car jams to a Rush song.
I’m with Perfecting Motherhood who said she [nearly] made an ‘… almost embarrassing comment about the lady being pregnant, but no, she’s only round with fat …’ except that I did say it to a student in front of other students … OMG ~ talk about wishing the ground would open up and swallow you! Luckily she laughed it off ~ but she reminded me of it when she was pregnant some years later *cringe*
Isn’t that the worst, Polly?! My husband and I have both done that. There’s no getting out of it gracefully. You just have to apologize and move on.
I was very red-faced at the time, but the thought of it makes me laugh now (!)
LOL! The hilarity, KY… I’m a student these days again but for years I was Managing Editor and pretty good at my job – the one really big boob I made was proofreading an entire version of the journal so that it was squeaky clean, no errors etc… but forgot to proof the page numbers in the table of contents… it went to print like that… I heard ALOT about that from subscribers. You can imagine my shame..
Oh boy–and that’s a visible gaffe, always there to remind you.
I was thinking you were about 23 years old or something. I didn’t realize you had a whole other life before your student days (and a managing editor–wow!) Guess that’s why you’re so wise!
Oh Carries, yes, so many many times. I felt right at home reading all your wonderful moments . I’ve had many sleep deprived moments and too many lucid ones as well. Thanks for the giggle.
Yes, I imagine you have! It’s always a bit humbling, but I guess it’s what makes us human.
I can’t believe I’m about to tell you this, but here goes. A good number of years ago our company put together a softball team. All of the players were dudes from work. We held a couple of practices before the tournament was to start, but not much “practicing” really happened. Most of the time was spent telling stories, mostly stories about their wives or girlfriends. I got to sit back and just listen to everyone. One guy was talking about him and his wife making “whoopee” and in the heat of the moment she said that they should do a ’68′. This isn’t the funny part. At work our offices were right next to each other. He was alone in his and I had a workmate with me in mine. One day, after all of this softball business, I had left to go to the restroom or something. I came back and noticed that him and my workmate were both carrying on laughing having a good time. I sat down and hollered to the guy and said “what’s the deal? your wife ask you for another 67 1/2 or something?” The both exploded with laughter that had me confused for a minute, until…she came walking out of his office. I never wanted to run away from someplace so much in my life. Good thing was she had no idea what I was talking about and her husband told her it was just an inside joke.
Ha ha! Oh, yeah, that’s walking right into it! Imagine how mortified she would have been if she’d known what you were really talking about. Her hubby would have been in the doghouse for days.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Carrie, my entire day was this way today…and it’s your fault! I started out with my alarm clock not waking me up because I blended it into my dream and ended up hunting with whoever was in the dream all over for this music that was playing. Getting up late, I got Kyle ready and we were off to court. Today is a teacher day so Kyle was off. I had a few hearings, got done and needed to shop for a shirt for Kyle’s choir concert. First stop Target…nothing. No problem I tell him..we can go to Target on the way home after the post office. So off we go. But, I forget the post office. I really needed to mail a motion out to the DA too. Ok, we get his shirt and I say we can stop at the post office near the house. We go right past the post office by the house. No problem, I will feed you lunch and go back to the post office. My phone rings…it’s the Court. They want to know if I am coming to the trial that is set this afternoon (a half and hour ago) to advise my client on testifying in another kid’s case or to “take the 5th”. I spaced it. I was so set on the shopping and not going to the post office. So, I grab Kyle and load him into the car and race back to the courthouse. I get there and leave Kyle…yes, I left him in the car…I know that he’s 15, but handicapped and can’t get out if there is a problem, but I had to get to the courtroom. By the time I’d arrived, they had already reset the trial and everyone has to come back on Halloween. So, back to the car and headed home. After we past the exit which would take us to the post office, Kyle hollers out…”post office!” Too late. The one by the house has mail pick up at 3pm…how stupid is that? So we have to go to another one 3 exits down. I finally get to a post office and mail my return reciept letter to the DA and I go back to the car. I see I have a text. It’s from Kyle’s physical therapist. Where are you? the message says. Oh yeah, she was coming today because on her regular day tomorrow Kyle is getting a test dose for a baclofen pump. So, we switched it to today. It’s on the calander, but I spaced it. So off we race to get home…though by the time we arrive, 30 minutes late, the pt is gone. Kyle asked me if I was frustrated. I said no. (I think he knew I wasn’t telling the truth). His response was “it could be worse. At least the judge didn’t put you in jail. Judges can put you in jail if you don’t show up for your court!) So…thanks to his perspective I went into the house happy
Oh…I said this was all your fault….you probably wonder why. Well I was trying to figure out why I wasn’t my usual self today and it dawned on me….because last night I had about a 1/2 hour before bed and I pulled your book up on my phone. I figured I’d read till 11 and go to bed. Yeah, right….I read til 11, then 12 and on. I have to get up at 5 am. No wonder I couldn’t function! I was up reading all night cause I couldn’t put the darn book down! That’s why today’s disaster was your fault!
(but…keeping perspective…..I’m not in jail!)
Oh, Kevin, I’m so sorry to hear about that day. How horrible for you (and Kyle, too!). But I’m delighted to hear you couldn’t put my book down (does that make me evil?) But how nice of you, after all that, to stop here and tell me about it. And yes, if you had ended up in jail, that would be a huge bummer, and I would feel enormous guilt (though still secret relief that you enjoyed my book…). You can take it out on me in November. Oh, and I might need to hit you up for some lawyer advice for my new novel.
Thanks, Kevin! You really made my night.
My lawyer advice is always available.
Excellent!!
OK, so I completely missed that you work in the medical field! I am truly dense sometimes! As far as saying/doing bonehead things at work…have you got a few hours? I’m amazed I have never been fired from any job yet.
Also, WordPress unsubscribed me from you. Boo. I think I’ve fixed it though..
That WordPress–they like to play tricks. Or maybe they smelled me after one of the post-call days of my youth and were trying to protect you…
Haha! Ky doesn’t kill germs? Loved this!
Sadly, no. But if he got his head caught between bars, it would slip out a little easier thanks to the lubrication…
Well, I have escaped my evil professor(temporarily) and took the time to relax and read your blog and am very grateful I did!
Funny stuff! I have done so many stupid things you would not have the room to post them all!!
Well, as long as you post some of them on your blog, it’s all good.
Hope that evil professor isn’t taxing you too much. At least semesters are finite (though they seem to last forever when you’re in them). Thanks for taking the time to drop by. I know you’re very busy, so I appreciate it!
Wow, I’m not sure which one’s the worst (or best) story, depending on how you look at it. I’ve had moments like that too, including the almost embarrassing comment about the lady being pregnant, but no, she’s only round with fat. My kids get to embarrass me so I don’t have to worry so much about what I say. I’m kind of glad my 4-year old stopped pointing at people and yell, he’s fat, and she’s fat too. Now he saves it for his dad only…
That’s true–having kids adds a whole new element to the foot in the mouth thing. Not only do we have to worry about our own gaffes, we have to worry about the gaffes of our children!
And, oh, the pregnancy comment made to a woman who’s not pregnant. Haven’t we all done that at some point? So, so embarrassing.
You should have told that first child “we’ll we know your nose is working fine”.
That Grandpa one is awesome. You should have slapped him on the back afterwards and said ” Good on ya”.
One time when I was about 18 I temped at a well known electronics firm for a few weeks, kind of fielding calls from Japan to the various sales account guys and gals who worked round the office. I didn’t know what they were talking about most of the time. Anyhoo, one account person was called Lesley and said person was not in the office much and we had not been introduced. I would often reply to calls “she is not available right now” and so on. Then about a week into it, this guy came storming over and said “I am Lesley, and I am a man”. Well I could see that then. Guy turned out to be a prick anyway so I out to have ignored him and continued to refer to him as she. Incidentally, none of his callers ever corrected me.
Ha ha–well, with a name like Lesley, all bets are off.
And yes, the “nose working fine” thing would have been a great comeback. Too bad I was too tired and too mortified to think that quickly on my feet. I think I probably mumbled something about being on call. But the mother was quick to hush the child. I think she was as embarrassed as me.
Funny stuff, Carrie. At least the KY wasn’t scented or of the warming variety.
I’ve had far too many uncomfortable moments. I have the kind where the minute you realize you’ve said or done something stupid, your entire body breaks out into a cold sweat. I once complained about a slow-paying customer on a “private” list of like-minded sellers – not knowing that person was on the list! I wanted to die. It wasn’t a personal attack, but I felt horrible nonetheless.
Oh, I think we’ve all been there. Really horrible feeling, isn’t it? Like you just want to crawl in a hole and die. Funny how those memories stay with us for so long, but we can so easily forget the more pleasant moments.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Your doctor stories make me scared to go to the hospital. Those people there aren’t getting any sleep! Yikes! I could never get through medical school and residency, because I need my 7-8 hours of sleep each night…or I talk about flying monkeys piloting helicopters and stuff like that. Don’t even put a person’s life in my hands. That would be so wrong. **I have definitely put my foot in my mouth many times, but thankfully have terrible memory recall and so I can’t remember those instances (I thank God for my memory loss every day so I can walk around my town and not be embarrassed when I see people I’ve most likely said something stupid to). However, I don’t think I’ve ever told my doctor he stinks. I might say stupid things that make no sense, but I try not to be rude. (But 8 year olds don’t have a filter yet, right?).
Luckily, those days of horrendous resident working hours are a thing of the past. It’s much better now, and they smell prettier, too.
I like your technique–just forget what it was that you said. Seems perfectly logical. I’ll have to try it sometime…
Fortunately for me, I don’t have to try to hard to forget. It comes easier with age. Maybe it’s time for me to pull out the dreaded crossword puzzles and sharpen my mind. Couldn’t be more boring than my proofreading job.
I can easily forget things, just not the things I’d like to!
I think in a former life I must have been classically trained in the art of putting foot into mouth and thus am now highly proficient in doing so. As far as being embarrassed, I worked in a pharmacy when I was 19 and people would ask me questions that led to some major enlightenment – and plenty of red faced moments. One time when someone asked if they had to remove the covering from the hemorrhoid suppository before swallowing it I laughed out loud, to their face, because I thought they were joking – they were not!
Oh, but I don’t blame you. How does one keep a straight face to that? Imagine having to answer questions about Viagra now. Bet that would make you want to go back to that job.
Omigosh my phone just barfed and it looks like it let me like you twice. See? That’s how much I enjoyed this post. I’m glad I’m not a doctor. I couldn’t go through all that.
Wow–a double like. The only thing better than that is a ‘like’ smeared in KY Jelly…
Great post for a Monday, Carrie. I’m definitely smiling and groaning at these tales. I’m sure I have done something lame and embarrassing in any of my random jobs, but I can’t think of any at the moment. Convenient, huh?
If I think of something, I’ll be sure to come back.
Better yet, you can divulge them in your own blog post. I’ll be first in line to read it.
What a great post for a Monday. Thank you Carrie!
You’re welcome. The way I see it–if you can’t laugh at yourself at the moment, then laugh at someone else.
People forget that those in the medical community are human too that make human mistakes. Many times with no sleep! Do you miss this Carrie? I love your rubbing KY Jelly on the child’s head. Could’ve been worse, though right? At least the laceration was lubricated. Not sure I like that word.
BTW, I’m constantly putting my foot in my mouth and doing embarrassing things — just a part of my genetic makeup I think.
.
No, I certainly do not miss those days of lack of sleep. Not sure how I functioned, really, and luckily, I never made any serious mistakes. But apparently I was stinky with bad skin…
We’re all human. We all step in the crap now and then. The thing is to admit it and move on–not try to cover it up and spin it into a positive little bow.
Amen Sister! My sis is a Doc of Pharmacy and she tells me a few tales that go on in hospitals. It’s best we don’t know everything.
.
Luckily, things are becoming more transparent and less hierarchal. But it’s still a slow march towards change.
Grandpa was hilarious. The opposite actually happened to me. After I had my first son, my father took me to my first pediatrician appointment and they thought MY father was his father. Can you say awkward?
Ha ha–well, at least it probably left your father walking tall. Better to be accused of being a studly father than a grandfather. Is probably more PC.
So funny! This is why I avoid children. What fun stories. Loved them.
Reading your book and WOW, it’s captivating. Excellent writing!!
Thanks, Gina (for the retweet as well). You are such a gem. Everyone needs a Gina in their life. And I’m sure those children would have had nothing but nice things to say about you. You would have smelled like daisies. Or at least cookies.
By the way, I’m giving a copy of your paperback “Recipes For Revenge” to my mom for her birthday in a couple weeks. She’ll get a kick out of it as she’s had some rascally men in her life before.
Rascally. Great word. Thanks for sharing it.
Actually, I have a story where a little girl was on my lap and announced to an entire room of men that my breath stunk. No. Darn kids and their sensitive noses and honesty!
Ha ha! Definitely no cookies for that little trouble-maker.
Ah Kids Kids say the damndest things. :+) I appreciated all the stories. I’m sure I have stories of humulation I’m going to dredge the archive. I’m sorry I’m still laughing at your expense. I hope you don’t mind.
My favorite scrunchie colors bright green and gold (what was I thinking?) and purple velvet. :+) Those were the days. I don’t miss the padded shoulders.
Ah, yes, the padded shoulders. Had those, too. We all talk about how bad 80s fashion was, but the early to mid 90s weren’t a whole lot better. I have the pictures to prove it.
And please–laugh away at my expense. That’s what it’s there for. Besides, my kids do it all the time…
Oh Good! :+) Funny stories I know I will be thinking about these stories later in the day and smiling. :+)
In some ways I liked all the bright colors and the sparkly glittery stuff of the 80′s and 90′s.
Well, then, it’s too bad I didn’t save some of my sweaters for you…
I could use a new sweater or two. :+)
Especially with a Montana winter ahead of you.
Yes indeed it gets really cold here with lots of wind. Ugg…not really looking forward to that part.
You know what? I feel a little closer to you now. As you know, I often do idiotic things and I felt genuinely embarrassed while reading this…and that means something! Haha. Thank you for sharing. It’s good to laugh at ourselves
I’d love to say I’m one of those people who always keeps it together, but obviously I’m not. Which is just as well. Makes us more real, right?
Luckily, I’ve never committed a serious medical error. I’ll take the social gaffes anyday. At least then, the only person getting hurt is me!
It makes us more real! Exactly. I am all about being real. Love it.
I love the KY story. As I read that part of your story, I know there was a twist coming, and I wondered, “Okay, so what did she use instead of bacitracin?” There are many times when I’ve wished I could just evaporate, I just can’t think of any off the top of my head. So you’re in good company. And kids will be kids, but I still wish they could be muzzled in public sometimes.
Yes, out of the mouths of babes. And to think I’d remember their sweet little words this much later. Then again, I spent those two afternoons worrying about my smell and my pimple respectively…
Carrie,
If there would be a form, asking Please Describe Yourself, this is how I would fill-it up:
“Have you ever done something idiotic in your line of work? Always.
Ever put your foot in your mouth? Each day. Is there any other way?”
Le Clown
Seems like a perfectly acceptable attitude. Perhaps I should adopt it. But Le Clown is so good at getting away with these things…
Carrie,
Not this morning. I think WordPress has finally censored some of my content, and I cannot find my post in Reader…
Le Clown
I haven’t got to my email inbox yet, and thus the blogs I follow, but I’ll have to check my reader, too, to see if you’re in there. If not, they don’t know what they’re missing. One time, I was erroneously flagged, and my posts were no longer showing up under the topics. I emailed them, and they took care of it. Then again, I’m more of a posting prude than Le Clown…
Carrie,
It was a full fledged Le Clown post, and I played with that fine line between sex and not talking about sex… I think some of the pictures might have been stopped by WP. I just learned from Madame Weebles that one of her pic had been removed by them, one where she is pretending to hump a tree, without her knowledge, which I find sad, really. I am not too fond of censorship myself…
Le Clown
That IS sad. I can see with them taking posts out of the reader if they contain some offensive material (and even that is tenuous at best), but removing an image off of someone’s post is not right at all. If someone doesn’t like it, they can easily click out. And really, is a picture of tree humping really that offensive? Kind of funny if you ask me…
Ooooh! I’m cringing for you! It’s amazing how those experiences stay with us years after they happen. I’m impressed that you were able to stay vertical after hours with no sleep–I can’t believe that residents are still hazed like that.
I’ve done so many things like that that I’ve tried to forget. ; ) Plenty of them at work. One not at work: I went to my son’s kindergarten class to read to them (keep in mind that I still had a 3-year-old at home and rarely wore clothes that were not sweatpant-related). I was wearing a gorgeous, clean (!) light pink sweatsuit and felt “dressed up.” One kid raised his hand and said, “How come she gets to wear her pajamas to school?”
You made me laugh out loud with that one! Kids are so honest, it’s great. Well, sometimes…
Luckily, resident hours have greatly improved. Gone are the 36 hour shifts that I sustained. And rightfully so. I guess that’s why I’m such a stickler about getting a full night’s sleep now.
I think any extra sleep you get now could be rightfully claimed under the heading, “Making up for lost time.” Go ahead, sleep til 10 a.m. tomorrow. I’m giving you permission. ; )
Oh, if only! Unfortunately, there’s that little issue of kids…
That was hilarious, especially Grandpa and the KY jelly. There was a day I almost blew up the pediatric ward, I have the story here: http://drerhumu.blogspot.com/2012/05/what-makes-true-mother.html
I just read your blog entry. That’s an incredible story. It’s a relief no one was hurt. Even still, we mothers would have a hard time leaving our baby’s side.
This is where my admiration comes in for those in the medical profession–and my absolute desire never to be among your ranks! I always comfort myself by thinking that no matter how blush-inducing or shameful any of my work-related blunder will be, nobody will die as a consequence. You have to be pretty brave, I think, to go to work every day knowing that’s a possibility.
Now for the incident that sticks out for me: long, long, ago, in a city where I worked as editorial assistant in the college textbook division of a publishing company, we received manuscripts printed on continuous print computer paper (you remember those, right? pale green stripes, holes in the side). I spent an entire afternoon meticulously separating hundreds and hundreds of pages at the perforations… only to learn that the author’s contract called for the manuscript to go to production in continuous printout form. Ouch–but not really.
Oh, that must have been horrible. And yes, as much as I hate to admit it, I remember that paper. Hopefully you didn’t get in trouble, but the waste of your time must have been beyond frustrating.
I have particular respect for pediatric cardiovascular surgeons and neurosurgeons. They know some patients will die–sadly, some conditions don’t have good outcomes. It takes courage to face that day in and day out. Luckily, the stakes aren’t so high in outpatient peds, though I’ve certainly had my share of staring at the ceiling at night hoping that toddler with the fever really did just have a virus and not something more sinister…
You mean that ability to put my foot in my mouth doesn’t just mean I’m really flexible? Drat!
I’ve made some horrible gaffs that I won’t repeat here—my luck one of the parties follows your blog and would recognize the story and have to relive it all over again.
They’re probably responsible for me saying fewer things to people these days or making assumptions I shouldn’t!
That is one of the advantages of age–overall we tend to do a better job of thinking before we speak. Well, maybe that doesn’t hold true in the politician world…
I was laughing, because I realized after I sent my email response to you, it looked like a marketing plan. I’m sure I gave you more than you wanted to know. Guess I was thinking things through in my head, and you were the unfortunate recipient of those thoughts.
Haha—I didn’t take your email that way at all. And it’s great to bounce ideas off fellow writers. That’s one of the great pluses of blogging that I’ve found.
I was planning on following up your email with my thoughts on blogging/social media audiences. I think (despite what all the experts say) fellow writers will be our first audience. Most “real-world readers” probably won’t find our social media presence until AFTER they’ve read our books, liked them, and now want to know more about the author.
So now, I think, is when you’ll start seeing new blog followers who aren’t fellow writers. And you’ve got some fun content for them. Adding it and other tidbits to Facebook or other outlets now will generate a wider and more general audience to your existing base.
There I go sounding like I might know something again…. But it’s my humble opinion for what it’s worth.
I think that’s a very good point. That’s why I try not to focus my blog entirely on writing. Hopefully there might be something for non-writers to enjoy as well. Last night I started commenting on an exercise forum I’ve visited before and have always enjoyed. I can put a link to my blog–who knows, maybe someone will click it. Just trying to think outside the box, which is definitely your forte!
Hehhehe oh no, kids are brutal! Words hurt, you know
I actually think it’s only fair that you have subconsciously punished that kid for all the other kids’ insults by using KY Jelly. It’s OK to admit it, we’re all vengeful
Oh, you’re on to me. That little jelly act was passive-aggressiveness at its finest, no?
Isn’t “do no harm” the doctor’s mantra? See, KY Jelly doesn’t harm, it just doesn’t help much of anything. It could have been worse.
Yes, that is the mantra. And thank goodness I did no harm. Other than maybe his needing a little extra shampoo to get the jelly out of his hair…
Oh yes I just open my mouth to change feet, that’s me!
I could list hundreds of examples, but one that I always cringe about was from a few years ago. I had an evening job of selling Body Shop products through a demonstration party in people’s homes (you know the type of thing right?). One night one of the guests was a lady in a wheelchair. We used to start each party with a game or two, so I stood up, all bright and breezy and said “Right, everybody stand up!”, I immediately panicked when I realised I was being tactless because of the lady in the wheelchair, and so I added in an equally bright and breezy tone “If you can!”. Aagghhh, it was definitely a ‘just shoot me now’ moment…
Oh, but your ‘just shoot me now’ moment gave me a great laugh. So see? Your gaffe is now serving a higher purpose.
I sold Mary Kay Cosmetics all for about two weeks. What ever made me think an introvert could do that job?!
I think we all need a bit more of that child’s innocent brashness in us. There are too many stinky doctors who are unaware of their aromatic sins.
Ha ha! So true. Ah, to be a child and spout any thought that comes to mind. And be excused for it. How liberating!