Are You What You Always Wanted To Be?
I’ve given you poo talk; I’ve given you lubricant talk; now I’ll give you serious talk. Mostly.
Some may wonder how introverts like me end up in people-centered jobs. If working in health care requires strapping on a daily social mask, how in the world did I get there?
The Answer?
After reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, I’m one step closer to understanding. In my bible—er, Cain’s book—she mentions Brian Little, a prized and well-loved college professor. Dynamic and outgoing, his enthusiastic teaching style entertained as much as it educated. By all appearances, he was an outgoing and popular extrovert. After a lecture, however, this popular figure retreated to a bathroom stall, propped his feet up on the wall, and hid from the rest of humanity.
So how could an introvert like Professor Little appear so outgoing to others? Because of a phenomenon he called Free Trait Theory. He suggested we all have fixed traits (in his case, an introverted personality), but we also have free traits, and together these traits coexist and allow us to pursue careers that align with our “core personal projects.”
In other words, like an orgasm, we can fake the hell out of it for work we consider important.
And that, my friends, is how I can function like an extrovert in public and then hide in my car like a hermit whenever the walls start to crumble.
Core Personal Projects—Like a G-Spot, How Do We Find Them?
So how do we identify our “core personal projects”? The search is not always easy, and introverts risk flubbing it up. They’ve spent so much time “conforming to extroverted norms” that they often ignore their own career preferences. “Hey, I’ve faked it this far, why not a little more?”
To identify your core personal projects, Cain proposes three steps:
1) “Think back to what you loved to do when you were a child.” When someone asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, what did you answer? Although the specific occupation may have been off-base, the underlying desire probably wasn’t.
In first grade, I wanted to be a librarian.
Hmm, a person surrounded by books…
2) “Pay attention to the work you gravitate to.” At work, which tasks do you prefer? What do you find yourself most often doing?
I gravitated to the academic—teaching, reading medical literature, solving diagnostic puzzles.
Ahh, the plot thickens…
3) “Pay attention to what you envy.” If you envy something, you likely want it pretty badly.
Until I started writing, I never experienced envy. I believe—to a degree, of course—that we make our own luck. But then I wrote my first novel. Suddenly, news of published authors rendered me green. Not pretty.
Bazinga! And yet another introvert gets her wings…
So What’s My Point?
Perhaps I misidentified my core personal projects when I toppled down the career chute. Don’t get me wrong—I love science and pediatrics and medicine. But I feel more at home when I write.
Was I meant to be a librarian, after all?
Perhaps this is all a bunch of hooey—yet another excuse for discontentment. But just for fun, give it a try. Walk through these three steps. Are you what you always wanted to be?
All images from Microsoft Clip Art
186 Responses to “Are You What You Always Wanted To Be?”
Soul sister…. I love these kinds of posts (and loved Quiet, as you know). I just signed up for coaching from HallieCrawford.com career coaching with the kind of format I can respect. Finally. It’s nice when things click, isn’t it?
So you’ll be coaching others or you’ve signed up for a life coach yourself? Either way, good luck!
Reblogged this on Eremophila’s Musings and commented:
I found this a fascinating read, hope you do also!
Thank you for the reblog. I appreciate it!
I guess this is kinda late to be commenting on this, but it caught my eye. I discovered personality tests at a fairly young age, as a result of my mom leaving books like Please Understand Me laying around. I enjoyed them, and I noticed that my results didn’t necessarily change over time but rather they depended on which parent I was currently spending time with. When I was with mom, my “profile” showed an extremely introverted thinker. When I was with dad, even just for a weekend, I appeared to be a somewhat extroverted feeler. This has always puzzled me a bit, because I was careful to answer the questions according to what I felt/thought/whatever… not the way I thought I “should” answer them. My only conclusion was that I (or children of dysfuntional families in general) have to have a bit of chameleon… which is all a longwinded way of saying this post is interesting and illuminating for me. The free trait theory and my early “chameleon” explanation seem to be compatible. Being like dad wasn’t something I wanted, but avoiding his judgement (and attention for that matter) was. I was faking it, sure, but it was subconscious for me, not an active thing. Thanks for posting this.
I think your description of being a “chameleon” is apt. I suppose most people feel that way at times, but I think perhaps introverts experience it even more. We are most comfortable alone or with our inner circle of family and acquaintances, but we can put on a good front when need be. We’re just a little exhausted afterwards. I would also suspect that your ability to be a chameleon means you’re pretty adaptable–always a good thing.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. I appreciate it!
I was surprised to read that you were at a work conference. Somehow I had assumed that you had take a hiatus from the medical profession because you seem to accomplish so much–raising kids, writing a blog, publishing a novel (just to mention a few . . ) ! I’m thinking when you were four you wanted to be wonder woman .
Oh, no, I haven’t been in clinic for 6 months. I’m taking a hiatus. I was just about to enter a non-clinical tract, and then I decided to take a year to focus on the writing. So no wonder woman here. But I still keep up my educational and licensing requirements. One never knows what the future holds.
Ah! But you still have wonder woman qualities to me.
Always wise to stay current and have options.
Most definitely. I’ll need somewhere to return to with my tail between my legs when my book ranks 1.5 million out of 1.51 million Amazon books.
i love this piece. as i always do when i read your blog. you know, i wrote something on characters today and i think it’s partially because of your book. the characters are very strong and i’m really enjoying the read. anyhoo, enjoy the conference, but no quaking in the stalls inbetween lectures…lol. oh, and on the post above, the one thing i remember from childhood in this regard (and my dad remembers it too) was that i LOVED harriet the spy. my dad said i carried a notebook around like she did, all the time. just to ‘write’ investigative things down. something like that. interesting, isn’t it? much love, sm
Perhaps you were meant to be a detective? The funny detective–that could have been you. You could have shown up at crime scenes in tight white pant suits baring half your bosom just like they do on TV.
Thanks for the nice words about my characters. Given I wrote the novel a while ago, and I feel I’ve learned so much more about writing now, I think I can make them stronger for my next one. But I suspect I’ll always be more plot-driven than character-driven. Which is probably why I love thrillers.
Thanks for stopping by Sweet Mama. And yes, the conference was fantastic (the Cleveland Clinic gives good conference). And you’d be proud of me. I ate lunch at a table with strangers both days!
Fabulous stuff Carrie. I am an introvert at heart too, a wallflower, a watcher… I can put on my mask and act out-going and stuff in-person, but I really have to work at that.
Let’s see, I loved music and cookies as a child. Today finds me writing about cookies and sharing music I love. Don’t ask me where the running came from since I was allergic to running as a child. But I was introverted, and running is an introverted activity and it gives me a chance to listen to lots of music, so I guess I answered my own question.
I hope you’re enjoying your conference. Hopefully you snuck some cookies in in your purse.
Have a wonderful weekend!
It sounds like you stayed close to your childhood desires. Good for you!
The conference is excellent, but I’m spending too much time checking updates on my iPad. Such a handy device, but I’m probably annoying my fellow attendees.
Sorry for not coming over sooner. My DSL connection has been more down than up this past week and I’ve about had it with ATT and their crappy service. I hate how they say I have to buy a new $100 modem as there’s apparently nothing wrong with the line, but somehow the modem works sometimes. And when I ask about their UVerse internet, they scream, fiber cable is the best, yes, switch with us. Hmm, have you been screwing around with my DSL line? I have a feeling I’ll be working at the library tomorrow morning, argh…
Anyway, I read another book but Quiet a few months ago regarding second or third careers, and it pointed out the exact same questions to identify these career choices. It was a big ah-ha moment for me, for sure. I have never done in my career anything I aspired to as a child. And I can thank my own mother for it, who poo pooed every career idea I had. She almost died when I told her I was dropping out of science and biology at the university and going to the English side. And then I ended up in marketing communications.
Can you guess what I wanted to do as a child? Write and illustrate children’s books and travel the world to take pictures. From the age of 6 or 7, when I could write on my own (I could draw before then) and from the age of 7 when I got my first Polaroid, these were my aspirations. Crushed by everyone in my family, teachers, you name it. Because those were not careers and I wouldn’t make any money. I swear, I’m never, ever doing that to my kids! Otherwise, tape my mouth closed.
Don’t you just love the time suck that is technology? Sorry your DSL line is giving you trouble. I know the headaches that can cause, especially when so much of what one does is on line!
Too bad your aspirations were squashed. Why not allow people to pursue what they want? Yes, we have to be realistic and bring home a paycheck, but one can often still manage to do this while following their dream. That’s why I don’t want to crush my son’s dreams of being a magician (well, I guess they call themselves illusionists now–more cool). Sure, we still talk about other careers, and I guess hope he chooses something more stable, but who am I to say he can’t succeed?
My grandma always says, ‘You’re the same as you were when you were four’ — and it’s the truth.
Well, Sandee, you just managed to say in only a few words what I tried to say in an entire post. Exactly! Love your grandma’s insight!
I don’t think I was born an introvert – apparently I used to sing at the top of my voice in public when I was a kid – but I certainly became one. Now I’m a happy introvert because I’ve finally worked out how to combine the many loves of my life in writing. Only writers are allowed to be true ‘generalists’.
When you’re a Jill of all trades and master of none, becoming a writer is almost compulsory.
“Only writers are allowed to be true ‘generalists’.”—I like that! And is likely very true.
And I bet you were always an introvert. Singing aloud to anyone who’d listen when you were young probably just means you weren’s a SHY introvert.
rofl – no, I don’t think I was shy back then! To be honest I’m not exactly shy now either, just not very gregarious.
Yes, introversion and shyness are not the same thing, even though people often confuse the two.
You know that would be a great topic to post about. We all bandy these words about but the real thing is often nothing like our perception of it.
True.
Very thoughtful post. Apparently I like to entertain and make people laugh, which is what I’ve done in my last two chosen fields. Now if only someone would pay me to do it…
What? You mean you’re giving all that good stuff away for free? Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
Well I guess it’s like that old saying, “why buy the cow when you can have it entertain you for free?” Or something like that.
Yes, I think I’ve heard that one.
I could never decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. Fortunately, I haven’t grown up yet, so there’s still time.
I’ve had an inner narrator for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid, I always described experiences to myself in words, and it didn’t occur to me until a few years ago that most people don’t.
I’ve done jobs ranging from interior designer to computer geek, but it took me 46 years to realize I’ve actually been a writer all along. Some of us are slow learners…
Oh, yes, I’m one of those slow learners–well, at least when it comes to life’s trajectories. But I imagine it’s better late than never, right? And all of those other experiences only serve to enhance us.
Ha! I found you Miss Smarty Pants
Now I know where you live, too.
I always wanted to take over the world when I grew up. Oh… Wait… I guess I always knew exactly what I wanted to do!
Uh oh–guess I better get my protective armour out. Dang, I just put it away, too.
Good luck on fulfilling your life-long dream of world domination. Goals are always important!
See what a sweet thing to say
Great post Carrie. Your extrovert side comes out in your writing … thus a reason who enjoy writing. As for my early career path memory – well … I grew up in a very rural area, and I was in high school when I figured out those majoring in engineering weren’t going to work for the railroad.
Thank you. Boys do like their trains, don’t they?
I’m not sure. When I was five, my grandmother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, “Green.” My cousin wanted to work at a grocery store (she now teaches English). Green was my favorite color, it represented everything I loved. I always loved reading and writing. And I also have experienced intense writer envy. So I guess yes, I am green in my own way.
I think anybody who answers the question “what do you want to be when you grow up” with a color is destined for a creative life, so I would say writing seems a perfect fit for you! I love that answer–”green.” So simple and innocent.
Wow, excellent post. I saw Susan Cain speak about the topic on TedTalks. I’m an introvert as well, and have always been baffled by extroverted behavior (aren’t you tired? I wonder). But like you, I work in a people-oriented field–education. As as kid I wanted to be an author. I said it over and over again. I too, get green from envy when I walk into Barnes and Noble. Love the orgasm line
Ha ha–I’m like you: walking into Barnes and Noble sets me off. But I also love it. I just have to swallow that envy down. Once my paperback is out, I may be able to get copies in my local bookstore, but I suspect Barnes and Noble will keep me relegated to their website.
I’ve always wanted to write. When I put it off to attempt other things, I’m always pulled back to writing. I procrastinate too much but I truly love discovering how words come together. Great post, thought-provoking
Thanks, Sheila. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all sustain ourselves with writing? But unfortunately, the pay’s not that great. At least that’s what I hear.
No kidding!
Very thought-provoking. And a bit depressing. Finding what to be is, unfortunately, about more than finding what you love. It’s also about finding what you’re capable of. The personality traits and the skill sets don’t always line up.
I’ve always said, if I live long enough I may figure out what I’m really cut out for…
“The personality traits and the skill sets don’t always line up.”—-Okay, now I’m depressed…
When it comes to writing fiction, in your case they do.
I’m going to grab this one up quick–no take-backsies!
Curious little cuss that I am, I seemed to have changed directions in cycles of 3 years. Once the learning curve starts the downward slope, I get diverted to another unknown/ mystery/ challenge.
I guess I want to be a butterfly. Although, I observed a Jurassic Park moment on my deck last weekend: a lizard hopping about the obstacle course our porch had become…with a live Monarch Butterfly in his mouth. I could see the poor thing inhaling and exhaling! Eeeeeek. Maybe not butterfly.
I’m happy you found your “calling.” Nikki
I was just responding to another commenter that life is really a series of chapters, and even if we change paths, I don’t believe anything that came before was a waste. All past education and experiences are useful. But I hear you on the need to reenergize when the learning curve starts its “downward slope.”
Oh, and poor butterfly!
interesting topic here. i hadn’t yet pegged you as an introvert since you are in the medical field. and yes, i’m a classic introvert stuck operating a forklift in a warehouse working with others. i absolutely know that is not my fit. the only way to find the balance is to lay out some words. went to a wine fest this past friday with my sister and her hubby, the crowd got to be too much after a while. i was like, i gotta get outta here !!
I know exactly how you feel. I can’t even remember the last time I attended a social event. It’s not that I’m anti-social–I think that’s different from being an introvert–I’m just not comfortable making small talk and conversing with people I don’t know well. I’d rather sit home and have a quiet evening. That doesn’t mean introverts don’t like to talk. Get me on a subject I’m passionate about, and I won’t shut up. We just don’t like the small talk. Luckily, I imagine you don’t have to do too much small talk in your forklift. Your own little haven until you have to come down and reenter the masses.
I seem to recall as a child a yen for flying jet planes. It sort of lined up with fire engine driver and train driver as one of those boy things, and quickly passed. Drama and stage acting (I never wanted to be in a film), was a more serious objective. I went through drama school, got my Equity card and had the odd professional ‘engagement’. I hated it!
Thereafter, I drifted. I simply liked life and I refuse to think of it as a competition. I’ve never been ambitious, never had a ‘core personal project’ and am I what I always wanted to be? Well, no. You see, I’ve never been sure what that was.
Money? Not important – not in the way everyone around me seems to think it is.
Status? I come from a family with plenty of that and they were the unhappiest bunch around.
I agree with one aspect of this discussion, though. I work all day with people – like being on a stage, in a way – and as soon as I finish, I put the mask back in my top pocket and erect the barricades. That may make me introverted, introspective, or just plain anti-social; I don’t know. But that’s when I write, and it works for me.
Intriguing subject, Carrie – thanks for the ‘feed’!
So you’re a professional drifter? I like it!
Some people pass their lives living one chapter after another, not becoming “one thing” and doing that one thing for ever more. Others know from the start what they want to “be.” I admire both kinds. People like my husband who know just what they want to do and do it. But also people who keep learning new skills and find different ways to implement them. As long as one can support him or herself, then he/she should be able to proceed as he/she wants. Well, in my opinion, for whatever that’s worth…
This is a really interesting post Carrie ~ made me recall what Myers and Briggs said about introversion ie (to paraphrase) the introvert can like, even enjoy, times of extraversion, but then needs to go somewhere else to ‘recharge their batteries’ ~ I so identify with this and with your ‘we can fake the hell out of it’
An earlier commenter made a good point: extroverts feel energized after social interactions; introverts feel exhausted. Doesn’t mean we can’t participate in the game–just means we’ll be a little tired afterwards.
OK, I’m now exhausted ~ heh-heh ~ spot on m’dear, but then, you know that, don’t you [rhetorical!]
Great post. I think I played along with the extroverts for quite some time, and it’s truly not me. But, like you said, I can fake it with the best of them. Still searching for my dream job. I decided to use my writing in any capacity. So, there’s a thought!
Good luck in your searching. We often think of writing as merely writing fiction, tucked away at our quiet little desks. But there are actual paying jobs out there that require the skills of a writer. A copywriter, perhaps?
Thanks for stopping by. Go forth and fake some extroversion.
Um, I was never sure what I wanted to be. Then I wanted to write but I had to get a job that paid the bills. Then life took over, and I found I was good at something else which is ok to pay the bills, but I could think of better things to do. And I still want to write. But with a small child it is hard to commit.
So erm, I kind of am what I wanted to be, i.e. an idiot still deciding. Well from one point of view anyway.
“an idiot still deciding”—Glad to know I wasn’t the only one. Actually, that phrase has a nice ring to it. Sounds like a good title for something…
I suppose many of us spend life searching for who we want to be. Is it because this is human nature or is it because we never quite found our niche? Maybe it’s a little of both.
Thanks for stopping by. Hope the new job is enjoyable.
I think certain “callings” if you like, attract some people, and sometimes that even suits them. The rest of us muddle along in the hope we hit that magic combo of something we like doing, and something we are good at, hopefully with that magic third component of, paying the bills (and then some).
Well said.
“Pay attention to the work you gravitate to.”
After spending the morning dealing with nonsensical designers and ignorant sub-editors, I find myself working on gravitating towards alcohol.
Does that count and can I make a living from it?
Absolutely. But if you want to make any real money from spirits, I suggest you put an emphasis on selling the booze rather than consuming it. Otherwise the whole thing may just backfire on you…
Duly noted.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a policeman. I really thought they did so much for people and I wanted to do that too. But, my father, who was a wonderful man, took me aside one day and said that I could do so much better than being a cop. He told me I should aim higher. He had been a policeman in the early 50′s as well as a fireman before becoming a teacher. He was the first special education teacher in Colorado. He developed many of the laws and approaches still used today. So, I wasn’t sure why being a policeman wasn’t worthy of my attention, but I dropped the idea…at least the pursuit of it. I graduated high school and began the study of history in college. Then became a singer and business manager for Up With People. I then finished up college with a journalism degree and was a reporter for CBS and NBC before going to live in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on the island of Saipan with CNN. After a very difficult time out in the Islands, I returned home and went to law school. I was planning on being a district attorney…a higher aim than just being a cop. But something happened in law school. As part of my studies I had to take a clinic which defended indigent clients. My first client was a young African American who was stopped because he was driving out from behind a pawn shop at two in the morning…which is suspicious. He was then found to be somewhat intoxicated. I visited the “scene of the crime” and discovered that the building he came out from behind was one with two businesses. One was the pawn shop…the other a restaurant which closed at two. The only exit to the parking lot was located behind the pawn shop. To leave the restaurant you had to come out from behind the pawn shop. As I questioned the officer on the stand it became very clear that he stopped my client for one reason….he was black.
My next client was Hispanic and he was stopped because the officer said that the lens covering the backup light on his car was broken….he saw this as he was driving in the opposite direction late at night. He made my client do the roadsides and my client couldn’t pass them. That’s not good…but then I met my client who was a little old man who had to use a can to walk. They made him do the one legged stand without his cane! He couldn’t stand on two legs without it!
And then I had a client who was accused of sexual misconduct. I went with him to his interview with the police. I listened to everything he said. He had a logical story, a logical explanation. When I got the police report back from the interview, not only was it not logical…but the officer stated that my client Confessed!!!
I grew up on Dragnet and Adam -12. The police officers I was exposed to were people who believed in the law and in getting the right answers. I know there are many, many officers who are this way….but as I changed from being a DA to being a defense attorney, I continue to find that there are so many who approach the cases with pre-concieved ideas, prejudice, incompetence, and flat out lies and deception. As a kid I thought that I would help people and make a difference by being a police officer…but now….I am still with the law, but I help people and make a difference by challenging those who I once respected and wanted to be a part of.
First of all, I had no idea you’d done all those things. I knew about the Up With People, but not the journalism stint. Very cool. And I agree, there’s nothing at all wrong with being a police officer–I have the greatest respect for them–but it sounds like you were able to do so much good with the path you’ve chosen in law. Very exciting stuff, and accomplishments that you can go to bed feeling good about.
Thanks, Kevin!
Great questions. I’m stuck on the thought that my answer to what I wanted to be was in college with scholarships. I love what I do but wonder why my answer landed my childhood dreams in my 20′s.
Well, as long as you love what you do, I guess that’s the main thing. And you were obviously wise to pursue it!
i wanted to be a world famous artist and i was but it didnt pay well so im something else now
Ahh, but if you were world-famous, is the pay so important? Well, I guess it is if one wants to eat and have shelter.
Thanks for stopping by!
kind of did it loved it bought the t shirt and moved on
Well, life is a series of chapters…
You always ask such interesting questions, and it’s interesting the way you frame them, too ‘are YOU the person you wanted’ rather than ‘am I the person I wanted’. Does that say you really ARE an extrovert? Or outwardly focused, perhaps. Which is maybe why you’re a ‘healer’. I think I have the perfect job right now. But writing – well I know I AM a writer. My question is, though, is it enough to write something mediocre? For me, maybe not. I want to write something remarkable, not just something that’ll sink out of sight in a year or ten years. Maybe not possible.
Thank you for the kind words, but I think it’s safe to say I am not an extrovert. Not in the slightest. But I can fake it if need be.
Yes, it would be lovely to write something that is remembered forever, however, I suspect I personally will have to be content with mediocre for now. But hopefully, over time, I can improve my content and rise above mediocrity. Time will tell, I guess.
I wanted to be a writer (or, more specifically, a journalist) when I was a kid. I’ve only had one paying job where I wrote, and even though I really loved the writing aspect of it, the bureaucracy of the company I worked for made me miserable. One of these days I’ll hopefully return to the workplace and be able to feel more fulfilled.
I suppose writing for an organization in a job may not quite be as liberating as writing a book for oneself. I’m sure there is bureaucracy just as you describe in anything. And politics.
This really got me thinking! Over the summer, I came across a journal of mine from college. One passage stuck out at me, “If I could be anything, I would ditch this pursuit of a degree in PR and become a stand-up comedian.” I think I actually interject stand-up comedy during the school year almost daily (possibly because my audience is full of adolescents!) Maybe being a teacher is like a comedy with twists and turns and some drama thrown in. Keep ‘em laughing (and thinking)!
Wow, I never knew that about you! I mean, I know your posts are always funny and clever, but I didn’t know you had the desire to be a stand-up comedian–at least in the past. And it’s great you have that desire, because I bet a strong sense of humor is required on a daily basis as a teacher!
This is so funny and well-written – well done. I spent a long time chasing things that really weren’t “me” but fortunately, I was given a lot of second chances until that “thing” that I really feel like I’m meant to do, waited just long enough for me to find it again…if that makes any sense. Sometimes it doesn’t hang around though and the masterpiece each of us weren’t meant to live, is never realized. I probably live to much in the land of “fate” but feeling like I’m “meant for something” gives me a heck of a lot of hope!
I tend to live more in the land of fighting ‘fate,’ so I’ve tried to listen to my gut more recently. So far I’ve been pleased with the results. And I’m glad you found your “thing” as well.
Thanks for the kind words about the post and for stopping by to comment!
I always wanted to be lazy and rich so one out of two ain’t bad. Actually, I was going to be the world’s greatest Physicist so one out of three is still not too bad.
When you said that you “function like an extrovert in public and then hide in my car like a hermit whenever the walls start to crumble,” you mark the essential difference between extroverts and introverts. Extroverts get energy from the people around them; introverts need time alone to recharge.
Introverts can act like extroverts – we can even be salespeople, cheerleaders and marketers – but it comes at a cost. Each of us introverts measures the desire – to be in an extrovert’s job – against the cost of recharging for that job.
“Extroverts get energy from the people around them; introverts need time alone to recharge.”—-That’s exactly right. I loved how you summed that up. I think you should write a chapter in Cain’s book. Perfect!
This was a very intersting post. I’ve been struggling a lot with this lately, and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I want to write, that’s the dream, but if I can’t get something off the ground in the next year or two, I’ll have to return to the land of masks and being practical. Guess I better get moving
Ha! Very insightful post. Loved it.
Thank you.
I think it’s hard to support ourselves alone as writers (after all, bills have to be paid), but hopefully we can find something that still holds onto some of those desires we had when we were young–before we talked ourselves out of things.
Back when I was seeing a Wise Man, er, therapist, he told me that I am an extreme introvert. But, I have a public persona – friendly, funny, good listener. One reader commented on how exhausting it is. So true! Imagine what performing (singing/playing piano in my case) is like for my personality type.
Another reader mentioned networking. I feel very insecure about it, but I do it anyway. . . . Like now! You are always so warm and thoughtful with your responses, you make it easier.
Thank you Carrie. This sounds like a “must read.”
Thank you, and yes, it’s a really fantastic book. It opened my eyes so much. As for networking, I’m starting to think the internet was made for introverts.
Thanks for the revealing/depressing post. Lol. This was really good for me today, because I’ve been asking myself this same question. Nobody at work would label me an introvert because I mask it so well out of necessity. I am forced to be highly interactive in my field, and I can fake my way through it, but boy is it taxing.
My wife knows. If asked, she’d call me introverted. Sadly, I find I am usually so people-drained from working all day, that I have to force my way through a gag reflex when I get home and my family wants more interaction. All I want to do it clam up and read.
I completely understand what you just said. After a long day of work (before my hiatus set in last spring), I’d come home and make dinner, and my family knew better than to talk to me. I needed the complete absence of interaction. But then, by the time we’d sit down and eat, I was a better conversationalist. After the kids were in bed, it was back to my isolation. I always tell my husband that he should consider himself lucky not to have a wife who talks his ear off about pointless topics.
Hmm…well, as a kid I wanted to be a hairdresser…or a rock star. I tend to gravitate towards work that allows me to make things look good (ok…I see the connection) and I am insanely jealous of Stephenie Meyer.
And I have no doubt you’d be the coolest hairstylist or rock star ever. In fact, you could perform while waiting for that color to set on your client’s head. Just don’t sing too long of a song–no one wants bleached white hair…
Crap…cause one of my favorite songs is November Rain by Guns N Roses (almost 10 mins long).
Combine that with Bohemian Rhapsody, and your client will be in trouble…
I’ve known since my 7th grade that I wanted to be a music teacher. I married in my late teens, and was in love with being a wife and then a mother. After 5 years of baking, cooking, changing diapers, and loving my husband, he died. I was 23, pregnant, and scared; however I remembered my husband telling me that I was very smart and I should go to college.
That’s when I started on the road of academics. I got my degree and taught music to k-6 students. I went on to complete a masters and doctoral degree; after which I taught music education students how to teach music. I’m now a retired music teacher of 38 years, am a state representative, a church choir director, a mother of adult children, a grandmother of 10, and I am an introvert.
You’re right on, Carrie. Thank you for living your dream too.
You definitely had to take the difficult tract to fulfill your true desires, but you did it nonetheless. Good for you, and such impressive accomplishments! And what a great role model for all those kids and grandkids, too.
I love that–”and I am an introvert.” It’s like at one of those recovery meetings: “My name is Carrie, and I’m an introvert.” The audience replies: “Hi, Carrie.”
Hmm, am I the only person currently writing a novel (er, two of them) who didn’t want to be a writer when I was growing up? There was astronomer, veterinarian, rock star…. And my first major was computer science. For three semesters. When I realized I was bored to tears by programming I looked at switching majors. And the career “tests” they had in the library pointed to economist, lawyer, or anthropologist.
Then I remembered how much I’d always loved ancient history in school, and the next thing you know, it was “hello anthropology major with an emphasis in archaeology.”
Well, at least you found something that energized you. I hope. And if not, you always have your red pants.
I didn’t necessarily think I wanted to be a writer when I was young–though I did always say I would write a book–but I loved books more than anything, and I idolized my librarian. I think what Cain is saying is that people don’t actually always end up being astronauts and firefighters and such, but the desire that makes a child choose one of these things may never go away. For example, the child who says he/she wants to be a firefighter wants to do something that helps others, even if at personal risk to themselves.
Except for the rock star bit, I think most of my interests didn’t involve lots of interaction with people. That might have been a clue to my introversion.
And there’s a definite trend toward analysis and observation in most of those jobs. But I’m happy my latent creative side has kicked in these last few years to shake things up.
And I think there’s room for both. Just because I prefer writing doesn’t mean I don’t have a grand old time working my way through a scientific study. That desire towards analysis appears to be in my psyche, too. But you took the cool route. Getting to say you’re an archaelogist is very cool (probably thanks to Indiana Jones…)
This is one of my favorite TWT posts, not least for the questionable sexual innuendos. This is a great question, and one to which I’ve devoted some thought in recent years.
Am I doing what I saw myself doing as a child? Well, I’m not the despotic master of all creation, so I’d have to say no. However, in recent years, I’m living as close to the life I envisioned as a child as I ever have, and think that within ten years or so, it’s likely I’ll be pretty much living that life. We need something toward which to aspire.
The professor you mentioned reminds me of myself. Mostly for the brilliance, but also for the hiding out phenomenon. For much of my life I have thought of myself as an introvert because I have a very pronounced need for a certain degree of privacy and isolation. I don’t work well with distractions of any kind (as I mentioned, there is no television and only one small window in my office–which sucks a little bit now that summer has come to the Central Coast). However, every Meier-Briggs (what? that’s not how it’s spelled? It should be) test I’ve taken has placed me firmly in the extrovert category. I’m good with people when I have to be, but I much prefer being a house-mouse.
“Well, I’m not the despotic master of all creation”—Are you sure about that?…
I, too, hope that in ten years I’ll be living the life I envision. I’ve just barely started the ascent–still plenty of time to fall backwards and break my neck. But as you say, gives us something to aspire to. Otherwise, I guess we just shrivel up and die.
And I’m sure you’re right–it most definitely should be spelled Meier-Briggs…
(Glad you enjoyed the post!)
I wanted to be an astronaut as a kid…and a horse person…and a fisherman in Dr. Seuss’s Mr. McGelligott’s pool…but my career assessment in 7th grade nailed me for a Lumberjack or a Gas Station attendant. I guess I answered extreme on the introverted side. I’m glad to say that I’m NOT a lumberjack or Gas Station attendant. Neither am I any of the things I wanted to be as a kid. I tend to be like Gina in one of her posts, jumping from one thing to the next just to prove I can do it. I guess I should next get into publishing so that I can market my books better. Ha ha! That ain’t happening. I’ve got to read this book sometime. Your posts on it are very intriguing. Maybe I’d understand ME better.
I think all of those early childhood desires of yours prove that you would be good at anything. Or maybe that you have a multiple personality disorder. You choose.
Yes, it’s a great book and worth the read. Wish I could get the author to tweet about my book like I’ve tweeted and blogged about hers.
Maybe short attention span is my problem…or gift (depends on the day). I have loved learning to do everything I’ve tried. But I’ve never had the drive to excel in any one thing yet. Sorry about how you’re short-changed on the Tweets.
“I have loved learning to do everything I’ve tried.”—These are key words you wrote. I, too, believe that nothing we’ve done is a waste, even if we no longer do it or participate in it. Everything teaches us something and becomes useful for the future.
Oh! I must read that book! I’m usually shocked when someone appears shocked that I’m an introvert – are you kidding me? This interaction alone is going to require half an hour in solitary! Though I do remind them that it doesn’t mean I don’t like people…just that I find them exhausting and have to recharge…in a nice way…sorta.
I remember taking an assessment test of some sort in high school that was supposed to tell me what my strengths and possible career options might be. The results? Combat specialty officer or bus driver. Whaa—aaaat?! I think I may have been faking some extroverted answers on that one, conflict is the only thing that terrifies me more than people. I like the idea of going back and thinking about the honest moments in childhood!
“Combat specialty officer or bus driver.”—Wow, well, I guess it’s not to late to join the Marines…
I loved Susan Cain’s book. I have marked it up so much that it’s probably a crime. But I learned so much from it. I only wish I’d have had something like that earlier. Made me realize that I wasn’t weird–I was just an introvert. Well, okay, maybe I’m still a little weird…
Great post!
Me envious? -Oh, yeah you have read my blog. Half my pouty lip post started out in envy!
I wanted to be a nurse when I was a youngster, until I found out I get freak out at the sight of blood.
Then a ballerina, why? I had a field trip to our Center of Arts, as a kid, and watch a section of a ballet . I think it was their slippers, I really wanted.
Then it was a singer, sometimes, I entertained thoughts of being an actress.
My friends said I should be a stand up comedian-Guess what? I didn’t do any of those things!
If something I wrote was ever published -that would be great!
Well, it seems your childhood desires would suggest you want to create. Not sure how the nurse thing factors in, but if you can’t stand the sight of blood, it’s a good thing you steered clear of it.
I thought it foreshadowed the bi polar tendencies, but I like your way of thinking better!
It’s all about the spin…
I always wanted to be a writer. I was a huge bookserpent–you couldn’t get me out of books for anything. And I hid while I was reading, less I be disturbed. Hmm, wonder why I write at 4am???
As far as the things I gravitate to–I love the psychology behind people’s actions/behavior. I love secrets! I love asking ‘why did so-and-so behave like that last night?’ or ‘hmm, his shirt’s all wrinkled, wonder where he just came from?’ — I’m not a gossip at all; in fact, what I do is take this question, come up with my own warped answer and add it into my writing journal for future use. Bawahahaha!
And, I’d have to agree with you — I’m pretty envious of all those people out there who get to spend their time doing what they love to do — writing and publishing books.
Guess that means I’m looking at you with green eyes…
Ha ha–well, I’m not exactly making a living from it. I’ve barely dipped a toenail in. But it’s nice to really love what I’m doing, and I’m very lucky to be able to have this opportunity to give it a whirl.
I used to hide in my room and read all day, too. Book after book. If only we could do that now…
I’ve always wanted to be a writer or journalist. I remember in High School working for the school paper, and I wrote to and called Barbara Walters, because I wanted to be just like her. In my naive younger years, I wanted to interview her for my high school paper!! Of course she didn’t answer. Aah, the good old days were you thought things were so easy!!
But I actually got into Advertising, and I love it and I also have a part-time job being a Copy Editor. So I guess I got to fulfill some of my dreams a little!!
Great post!!
It seems you did a great job of listening to your inner desire. We may not end up with our perfect dream life, but those who chose a career based on their desires seem to me to be the most fulfilled.
That Barbara. Couldn’t even give a young journalist a shot…
Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
I always wanted to be a writer or an artist but never pursued the artist part – just the writing part has been exhausting enough! I do sometimes wonder how I even functioned at all as an introverted reporter. But, like you said, it became easy enough to put that mask on and ask people all kinds of embarrassing questions. That ended up becoming the funnest part. It’s still hard to call people for an article since I don’t want to bother them, but then I’m always amazed that they don’t seem to mind once they realize I’m not a telemarketer.
I imagine working as a reporter could really tire a poor introvert out. All those phone calls and face-to-face interviews. Then again, it’s always easier when we put a professional slant on it. We know what we need to discuss. We feel confident. Makes it easier, I think.
Thanks for the comment!
Really thought-provoking post. I wanted to be a journalist or a writer, but didn’t pursue either. I worked in offices first as a secretary and later in management. Books have always been a passion, so my work-at-home job was selling used books. Funny, all these years later, I am doing some writing. I was a wild, crazy extrovert before 40; today I am much more reclusive and introverted. Hmmmm…
Selling used books–that’s cool. I bet it was hard not to want to stop to read them all! Come to think of it, if I was a librarian, I might not get much work done.
I read tons of them – they were all children’s books!
it is fun to be around books all day long. I would have enjoyed being a librarian, too. I looked into it when our son was older, but you have to have a degree to work in a library now!
Oh, yeah, the world of library science has indeed changed.
I’ve seen this with my husband. He’s good at everything, which ends up being surprisingly difficult. He got into Duke so he went. Then he got into Cornell Law School so he went. Then he got into an accounting program so he went, and got a Master’s in that. Then there were a few other things… He does actually work in the accounting field now, but for years he didn’t.
I wanted to be an artist and a doctor when I was a little kid. Then I wanted to be a psychologist, but for years, I secretly wanted to be a writer. When I got my first Bachelor’s degree, it was with the intention of going into either journalism or advertising. And the journalism was Dad approved (although neither of my parents read my writing).
And now you’re getting a nursing degree (if you stay in it–I remember you were contemplating dropping some courses)? Perhaps you’ll find work as a medical writer or editor. Those journals always need someone.
My husband has always known what he wants to do, and when he makes a choice, he sticks with it and doesn’t waiver. I admire that trait.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Carrie, I wanted to be a librarian too!!!! I used to make my friends play Librarian with me. I had a big cardboard box that I pretended was one of those old-school contraptions that took a picture of the book card with the borrower’s card info, and I made a little ramp so that when the books were checked out, I’d slide them down to the “borrower” and say “Happy reading!” Yeah, I did. I almost actually became a librarian, but I decided to go into history instead. Also an introverted field of study.
Even though I’m an introvert I’ve veered into career positions that have involved a lot of talking to people. Maybe I’m an extroverted introvert or what, but I can fake it pretty well. It’s exhausting, though. Sometimes I wish I were a lab tech or a pathologist so I could just do my thing and not talk to people. It’s a tough balance, so I salute you for yours.
Oh, I used to play librarian, too, though I had nothing so elaborate as your contraption. Guess I wasn’t very imaginative, which is probably why I still tend to be such a concrete writer.
If you are exhausted after social interactions, then my dearie, you are probably a flat-out introvert. But we can play the game when we must.
As for being a pathologist, honestly, if I had chosen that specialty, I may not be on this blog right now. I had thought about going back and switching into it, but the thought of doing another residency was enough to curtail that idea. Then again, I bet I’d still want to write. Librarian, remember?…
True. Writing up path reports doesn’t really satisfy the writing urge, probably.
I realized after I posted that comment that I probably made myself look even weirder than I already do. “Yeah, that blogger Carrie? She just admitted she wished she would have worked with dead people.” Wasn’t quite my intention.
That’s okay, I basically admitted the same thing. I came close to actually saying “medical examiner” too but didn’t.
I’ve always wanted to be a doctor and somehow gravitated towards all things medicine , though I tried to suppress my love for art and literature. My dad keeps reminding me of the time when I was much younger that I said I would rather be a cleaner in a hospital than work anywhere else, guess my dream was fulfilled (not the cleaner part).
Well, I have been both a doctor and a cleaner (I cleaned a fast-food restaurant during medical school; that was fun…), and I can say they both have their stinky bits.
Good for you for sticking with your dreams. I think in reality, you are a rare bird. So many people don’t follow their hearts.
I think knowing that I will be wiped out after going to a party or hanging out with groups of people has really made my life easier because now I plan for down time. I may need a day or two to regroup. :+)
You forgot pubic lice to add to things you’ve given talks on. :+)
What do I want to be when I grow up? Good question. I wish I could remember what I wanted to be when I was a little kid. I think a Vet in the 6th grade. I also loved coming up with ideas I was a real entrepreneur when I was a kid I was always coming up with ideas and ways to make money.
Leave it to you to remember the pubic lice (and I mean that in the nicest of ways…)
So you wanted to be a vet, and now you live in the country. Hmmm. Maybe there is something to this inate desire thing.
So are you still coming up with ideas and ways to make money?
Occasionally I come up with a new idea. I could really use just one really good idea and the confidence to make it work. Actaully the Vet thing I still really like animals wild and domestic. I’ve thought about being a pet photographer or a service dog trainer but canned both those ideas. So, yes I think there may be somthing to the inate desire thing.
I have a strange memory for certain things like when a person has a pubic lice link on their blog. :+)
A strange memory can always be a useful skill…
I actually have a strange memory for medical information. I can remember a persons diverticulitis complaint for a good thirty years or more.
I’ll be even more impressed if you can remember which food triggered their diverticulitis. Popcorn? Nuts?
Nuts :+)
Nuts :+) and berry seeds. :+)
You rock.
Thank You! You Rock as well! I was just reading Gina’s book review on Seneca Scourge very nice review.
She’s a diamond among stones, I tell you. Matter of fact, so are you.
:+) Thanks
This topic is so intriguing! I am a total recluse, but can be the life of a party, too. It is exhausting for me, though.
Cain talks about that in her book–how introverts can put on a great face at a party and even have a good time, but then go home and collapse in fatigue from the exertion.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Carrie,
Le Clown always stops by, and ask the hard questions. You know that already about Le Clown. So: What is that “G-Spot” you are referring to?
Le Clown
Hell if I know.
Carrie,
That’s what I thought. Let me ask my unicorn…
Le Clown
As long as he’s not the one searching for it. Ouch.
Itty bitty, whitelady wanted to be a mermaid (don’t laugh too hard) and then of course, playing school took over and I wanted to be a teacher. Then life took over and I ended up in cubicle life for a long time (stick me in a box with some spreadsheets and I flourished) Then realizing there would be no kids – I career jumped to what I’ve been doing now for the last four years. For some reason, I lose my shyness when I speak in front of the kids and they make me laugh soooo hard. A five year old just asked me the other day what I wanted to be when I grew up – they suggested an artist (we were having a painting class)…I said I had no idea..
Well, if you think of a mermaid as a make-believe character children love reading about, perhaps it makes perfect sense you now work with children. You followed your underlying desire. Or perhaps it’s all a bunch of dog poo, and our childhood desires have nothing to do with our adult minds. Whether they do or not, I don’t think anyone can argue with the fact that many of us make choices even when a little voice inside of us says, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Oh, vey, this is too deep for me this morning. What was I thinking?
Thanks for the comment!
I would say there is something to it…I think some of us just abandon our passions outta fear or for the sake of doing the job that pays the bills…
Yeah, there’s that little thing called a paycheck that’s important. Darn it.
We did a similar exercise at my last PR job (many years ago)… we took the Myers-Briggs, then had a life coach type person come in and talk to us about how to work better as a team. She asked each of us what we would be doing every day if money were no object. I said sitting out at my beach house writing novels.
I have no beach house, I’m writing another (as yet unpublished) novel, and I’m trying to get another full-time job so I can put braces on my kids. But I agree with the sentiment–post-lottery win, I would still be sitting at my beach house writing novels. ; )
Yes, it’s too bad that need for a paycheck has to get in the way…
But even if we can’t all earn money being a writer, I wonder if we chose the right jobs or were instead lured into something else by what we thought we should be. For example, a job as an editor or teacher or reporter or whatever may make more sense for someone who loves to write than a job as a respiratory therapist. Perhaps that’s too simplistic, but it’s food for thought.
Oh, and I’m right there with you on that beach. Well, maybe twenty feet down the shore. I am an introvert, after all…
Maybe we could just hold cookouts after long days of writing. ; )
As an extrovert, I would love to hang out and talk to you all day, but you would be very distracting and not very productive for my novel writing. ; )
This is true. And I’d ply you with way too much chocolate.
I wanted to be a dancer when I was a child, and I do some acting now which is obviously in a similar line. On the surface it’s quite against my introverted personality, and yet there is something about putting on a mask and pretending to be something, but still being introverted behind that.
At work (at a university), my boss is always telling me that I need to phone people and get out and see them more, and I always think ‘Really? Do I have to? Can’t I just email them? I can put what I have to say much better in an email’.
A bit like Helen there, networking is something I wish I was much better at, and the skills have to be there to do it in person don’t they, not just online!
I’m like you–I’d much prefer to shoot off an email than a phone call. In fact, talking on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do.
I didn’t know you were an actress as well. I’ve heard that many actors and actresses were introverts. Stand-up comedians, too. But yeah, it always gets back to that networking, doesn’t it?…
Thanks for the comment!
Yes, it’s funny, even with friends/family I never phone them. Sometimes friends or family phone me for a chat and I spend the first half of the conversation waiting for them to get to the point of the call, and then I finally realise that there is no particular point, they’ve just called for a chat – it’s just not something I do!
I have actually done stand-up comedy too, twice, both times this year, and I have to say it was THE most terrifying thing ever, but both times went well and afterwards I was buzzing. I just have to work out whether the after-buzz makes up for the pre-terror!
I am impressed! I can’t imagine a social engagement much more terrifying than stand-up comedy. I’ve given lectures and presentations, and I can throw in a joke or two, but funny is not an expectation. Yikes–I’d toss my cookies.
As for the phone calls, my family has pretty much learned texting is best for me.
I am not what I wanted to be, because I wanted to be one of those rich stay at home moms who goes to the gym and looks hot all the time.
Oh, you’d quickly get bored. Instead, you get to be the witty, intelligent blogger with the weird boss who goes to the gym and looks hot all the time.
Hmmm, my “what I want to be” changes. I’ve always gravitated toward writing and toward organizing things. Making things run smoother and I love to make something old new again. I’m not comfortable with small talk in large groups. I don’t know, Carrie — I’m a constant WIP. And a little bit nuts, I think.
Well, from what you’ve just said, it sounds like you are a creator by nature. And who says you only have to create one thing? Create a story; create a newly organized home; create a newly renovated piece of furniture. This world always needs minds like yours. Keeps the rest of us on our toes!
I love you….in a quiet way.
Raye
Well, that’s the best way to love, in my opinion.
I’d say written word is most definitely your element. Your posts always get their message across and are concise and to the point. Great job on today’s sex analogies too!
I’ve always tended to be the class clown and the funny man, way back when I was a kid. So I’d say I’ve found a good hobby in my humour blog. Who knows if it’ll grow into something bigger eventually? [insert inappropriate sex analogy here]
I may be starting on Seneca Scourge already tonight, only have a few dozen pages left of Senseless Confidential…looking forward!
Thanks, Daniel, and thank you for your ongoing support of my blog. By the way, I realized you had mentioned my book on your blog in the past, so I added that post to my list of appreciations on my last blog entry. So sorry I missed it the first time around.
And yes, one can be serious and still add sex analogies. In fact, I think it’s mandatory.
For a class clown, you’ve accomplished a lot. I peeked at your info on LinkedIn (a site I am truly neglectful of–I have about 7 connections), and all I can say is ‘Wow!’ Quite an impressive life you’ve led.
Why thanks! I’ve heard of Facebook stalking and Twitter stalking before, but I must say not many people have LinkedIn stalked me
I’m honoured to have an official LinkedIn fan now!
No harm done about the “missing” link. I’m not mentioning your book to get linkbacks, so no offence taken
Will you tell us how Seneca Scourge is doing in some later post? Kind of got used to following your writing/publishing journey by now, so need my regular “fix”!
I will do an entry about the post-release experience–maybe next week. I didn’t want to talk about my book to the point of making you all puke, though, so I thought I should mix things up a bit.
Well, now that I’m sharing my crazy dream experiences with people until they puke, I’m really not one to judge! Looking forward
I sympathise. I feel exactly the same way: I’ve just taken on a new job which I dread, and all I want to do is write.
Surely there must be some happy medium…
Well, I hope it goes well for you. I completely understand the phenomenon of having one’s body in one place, while the mind’s in another…
I love the way your generous mind works, Carrie. =)
Ahh, thank you. But I really wish I could distribute chocolates with my posts. That would up the generosity quotient…
As a librarian, writer, and fellow introvert, you’ve given me lots of food for thought here Carrie.
Oh, good.
So, did you know you wanted to be a librarian since you were litte?
No. I became a librarian because I wanted to learn some practical skills. A friend was in the program and kept complaining about all the technology and computers (we’re talking 1994 technology when a little thing called the web was just beginning….). I thought it would be great to learn about this and library studies could do it without any computer science background. Now I am drawn to it because of the books. Funny how things worked out. I always wanted to write but never let myself admit it.
I imagine librarians are some of the tech saviest among us. And if they don’t know something, they always know where to find it!
Being surrounded by books sounds as lovely as being surrounded by chocolate…
This is interesting! I think I’ll check out this book. I can’t even remember what I wanted to be when I was a child. How pathetic is that? But the three points you enumerate here are very thought-provoking. Thanks for another great post.
Glad you enjoyed it. I can get serious when I want to. It’s just more fun to be goofy.
I love Susan Cain’s book. If only I could have read something like this when I was younger. Would have helped me understand myself better. My copy is so highlighted, marked, and dogeared, it’s not even funny. If you want to understand introversion better, I strongly recommend it.
Thanks for the comment!
I wanted to be a lawyer…always.
When I was one I enjoyed dragging the elements into the procrustean bed of the law.
I find I envy people able to network…because I can’t.
Yes, networking appears to be critical, doesn’t it? I can do it so much better online than I can in person. So much better.
Thanks, as always, Helen, for stopping by!