I Am A Facebook Ogre
After nearly two weeks on Facebook, I have come to the following conclusion:
I’m mean.
The Meanie
When I joined the Zuckerberg lovefest, I set up a personal account for family and friends of family, but I did not plan for much interaction. Instead, my intention was a public page to which visitors could subscribe and experience my twaddle. What I failed to foresee, however, were the ‘friend’ requests.
As Facebook users know, one doesn’t ‘friend’ a public page, only a personal page. But as a ridiculously private dork, I want my personal page to remain just that—personal. Not that I’m posting wild images of myself partying with scantily clad men, but on the occasion I do fling up a family photo for Grammie or Auntie to see, I don’t want the World Wide Web also enjoying the view.
I’m sure friend-seekers understand my hesitation, but nonetheless, I feel like a crotchety scrooge clicking the Ignore Friend Request tab, despite an accompanying explanation and redirection to my public page.
But trust me, nothing on my personal page begs viewing. Just ask poor JM McDowell who got sucked into a ‘friend’ request my first day on Facebook. At the time, I didn’t understand ‘friending’ vs. ‘subscribing’ and thought I was invoking an invitation to subscribe to my author page. Being the gracious soul she is, she accepted, and as such, she’s suffering tales of Pumpkin Patch volunteerism and Rubin family game night. Sorry, JM, but at least it’s a sleep aid.
The Sweetie
So, for your protection, I’ll offer this warning. To avoid capture in my personal Facebook snooze funnel, don’t try to friend me. But please, feel free to subscribe to my public page. I’m open arms over there.
Good. That’s settled. But I still have my twin identity problem. You see, I created personal Carrie Rubin and public Carrie Rubin, and like the dum-dum I am, I used the same name and profile pic for both. As such, I’ve been ‘liking’ pages with personal Carrie, which is probably what summons the ‘friend’ requests. Instead, public Carrie should be doing the liking. That way, folks are directed back to my page rather than my threadbare personal profile. Indeed, it’s time I sort this crap out, lest I lose all you lovely folks in the process.
So what’s my point? Who knows? But suffice it to say, just because I’m a mean Facebooker, doesn’t mean I’m a mean woman.
I want you to know that.
If you’re on Facebook, do you ‘friend’ everyone? Are you able to draw boundaries, either online or in person, or do you worry about offending people?
Cartoon images from Microsoft Clip Art
179 Responses to “I Am A Facebook Ogre”
I thot you were going to say you were MEAN to people on fb. Like being rude to them.
I can see I was patently WRONG. Ah well – so much for alittle drama.
I liked your non-personal page. I’m sure there’s much happenin’ there.
Oh, no. I don’t believe in being rude to people–online or in person. The golden rule is my mantra–so much so that my children get tired of hearing me lecture on it.
Thank you so much for the FB like! I appreciate it. Since I really only use my public page, I wish it would let me ‘like’ and follow personal sites that make their posts public (like yours). But unless the user puts up a subscribe button, it doesn’t let me comment or like their posts. Believe it or not, I still haven’t got FB all figured out. I don’t think I ever will…
Thank you!
I’ve got much the same problem. I’ve a public page for my ‘artist self’ and I post stuff about my art and my blogging. Then I’ve a profile page for more personal stuff. I do receive friend requests and I usually turn them down. But unlike you, and at least at the moment, I don’t invite my family to my profile page. They can Like my page if they want, but I don’t really want to mix family and friends at all on Facebook. I did it once before and it really didn’t work. So my friends are on the profile and everyone else (actually including a lot of the same friends) on the public page. Even my sister reads my public page!
I put a long-winded but humorous ‘about’ page info onto my FB profile as I’m now instantly recognisable by my name there, and it’s fairly clear what I will and won’t allow there. But a few always either just don’t read it or just hope that I’ll add them to my profile.
The way I get round it is this: I prefer to add people rather than have them friend request me. I need security in my life, and this way I get it. I hope you’ve found a way that’s right for you (as you did write this a couple of months back!)
So far my division is working well. To be honest, I only have about 14 ‘friends’–family and friends of family. I don’t actively recruit, but if a relative seeks me out, I’ll ‘friend’ them. But my public page is where I’m doing most of my interaction. As for my family stopping by on my public page, they never do! Guess they have better things to do, and I don’t blame them.
Can you give me the link to your public page?
Yes, sure – it’s https://www.facebook.com/Val.Erde
I ‘Liked’ your page, by the way. I do wish they’d go back to the old terms. The ‘Likers’ used to be called fans. Much more sensible.
(I hope this comment posted okay, either WordPress or my browser are being very glitchy at the moment.)
It posted fine, and I already found your FB page and gave you a ‘like.’ Thanks for doing the same on mine. I appreciate it.
I post everything to my “fan” page. If something is just for Grannie, I’ll put it on my personal page, but that side never gets used much anymore. The funny thing is that I think the only people who read my fan page status updates are my friends and family anyway. I’m on the fence as to whether or not facebook does anything to promote anything anymore.
That’s exactly how I’ve been using it. It’s nice to have the option of putting something up for family and friends alone. But I’m with you–I’m not sure how useful it’s been as a marketing tool. It seems that most of the people who follow my page also follow my blog. I need to figure out how to expand my audience.
Let me know when you figure it out. From the look of your likes, though, you’re already hugely popular!
That’s only thanks to my blogging buds.
And this is why I don’t have a public facebook page. I’ve had a personal one for a couple of years but I’m too confused by the ins and outs of running both.
Slowly but surely I think I’m figuring it out. I think…
Carrie!! You have described one of my biggest fears of getting on FB!
May I email you and ask some questions about the big bad world of FB?
I have been doing some serious procrastination because of my intimidation!
Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated…
Haha, I’m probably not the right person to ask for advice. Pretty much everything I know about Facebook I just summed up here. I continue to separate the personal from the private, but honestly, I doubt I’m using it to the extent I should. There is still so much I don’t know about it.
Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate it.
I hope your book signing went well! Congrats on that!!
Thanks for stopping by to visit me today, too!
It did, and thank you! But now I feel as though I’ve had all my energy drained. Such is the case for introverts after we have to don a public face for a while.
I never really got into the whole Facebook thing. I do have a page; I just don’t really do anything with it. Every year I say I should really get started on using it because everybody else seems to love it and maybe it would be a good way to keep in touch with family and friends. Never happens. I’m not sure why – does it take too much time? am I afraid of having to say no to friend requests that I just don’t want? maybe I just don’t have anything interesting to share? Who knows. But another new year with its resolutions is coming….
I’m happy to find it’s not taking as much time as I worried it might. Then again, I doubt I’m using to its full marketing effect.
I don’t give a crap. No scantily clad photos, I guess..how sad! But then, I have two facebook pages – the real me and the pretend me. So people at work and would-be employers hopefully won’t find the nightmare that is the pretend me, only the respectable citizen that’s the ‘real’ one.
That’s the way to do it, I think. Separate identities. Some things aren’t meant to be shared…
You’re a two-face book!?
That about sums it up.
[...] and look, I got a second “Like” Yeah! And that one is from a writer whose blog, The Write Transition, I’ve been following and enjoying for some time now (thank you Carrie Rubin – so [...]
I just wish I knew what you were talking about. Public? Private? Gack! I’m not even there!
You’re not missing much. Believe me…
I was faced with the same concerns when I first decided to put an FB button on my blog, and I actually took it down after a while but have it back again as of one week ago. Still figuring out the whole privacy issues thing.
I think it’s always easier to start with tight reins on the privacy. One can always loosen them later, but for now, I think I’ll continue to separate my personal from my public world.
By the way, I found your page and gave you a like! I look forward to seeing your public updates in my news feed.
Thanks, Carrie. I fear my page may disappoint, though. It usually has auto feeds of new blog posts, I guess I’m only still learning how to make a more interactive page.
You and me both.
After this post, think I will send you friend request on both good Carrie and Bad Carrie pages…;-)
Haha. Too bad one can’t ‘friend’ request a public page. Then again, I suspect that would defeat the purpose.
Am confused but not by the mean-ass part. I perceive that the human personal you could never be that.
lol
Ah but the FB thingy part does confuse me so as to not feel rejected I won’t look at either page.
Am with the blogger though that says guard your privacy. So much of you is already open by blogging that there is no need to open yourself more on FB. My profile is private and though I am extremely outgoing, I like it that way.
I think I will continue to separate my personal from my public. I suppose if I get more comfortable down the road I could change this, but for now it’s working for me. Thanks!
I use facebook to keep in touch but hate the adverts, the games I should be playing, and as for friends, well you can never have too many friends in the world. Or can you?
Yes, I’m finding the advertisements to be very annoying. I’m assuming this is a newer phenomenon thanks to the changing nature of FB from a business standpoint. Certainly not a welcome addition.
I am not using my mobile Facebook anymore as I am tired of hearing about what games and apps I should be using. I know Facebook isn’t a charity and runs on money from the adverts, but I am never going to try one of those games, so easier just to ignore the whole thing!
Maybe that’s why I haven’t been bombarded by games yet–I don’t use Mobile FB. I guess I’ll keep it that way.
Wise choice! I used Mobil FB and you have to scroll past a three bar section of apps and games to get to your newsfeed. ergg…
I’ve pretty much ignored my Facebook lately. I keep thinking I will get back to it but haven’t. Ignorance is bliss? Maybe. I can see your dilemma, so don’t worry…I don’t think you’re a mean-ass woman. It seems like you should be able to just have a Public Facebook page. It would seem doable.
Thank you. I’m really not a mean-ass. Well, as long as you don’t ask my kids, anyway…
I haven’t been doing too much with FB. I know I should do more, but so little time…
Well thank you Carrie! Thx to your post, I now know, that I’ve probably ticked off like one hundred people thru my weak experience in networking. As I’m reading your post, a little light bulb went off in my head, and things began to make some sense. I use the word some, because I’m still not sure about the entire process, by which one separates the two. More than how I need to know why, to see if we’re doing something utterly wrong! Perhpas this will one day fall into place and I”ll go, “okay, now I get it!” As for now, I keep reading other writers blogs, with posts like yours and learning as I go! Thank you for the great post and learning experience.
Well, I’m glad you found it helpful, but I doubt you ticked anybody off.
I’m still learning as I go, and I have much to figure out about Facebook. In fact, others may use it completely opposite from me, and perhaps that is the better way to go. I suppose we all have to do what feels right for us. Some are more comfortable with less privacy than others.
Thanks for stopping by!
Carrie, I swear, I need a new reader! I completely missed your post until I saw it on my Facebook feed this morning (which I obviously don’t check very often). I wanted a FB page just to leave updates and thoughts about my books, but as you found out, I had to have the personal page first. One of my cousins found me and sent a friend request, which I accepted. He then turned around and flooded my notification feed of tons of people he thinks I should also friend. It’s confusing, because I really only want “book stuff” on my business page, but I don’t have time for the personal page. I hate FB. I’ve decided to look at it after the first of the year and try to figure out what to do then.
That’s what happened to me–as soon as I friended some family members, I got floods of requests for friends. Some I accepted, because I knew them, but most I didn’t. I’ve changed my profile pic, so I at least know which persona I’m now ‘liking’ with, but unfortunately, although I can ‘like’ with my personal or public persona, I can’t subscribe with my public persona. Is frustrating, but maybe it doesn’t matter, because I’ve now found out that even when I ‘like’ a page but don’t subscribe to it, I still get updates in my news feed! I can’t figure it out. Another commenter told me people can pay to have their updates more visible to users who’ve ‘liked’ their page, so maybe that’s it. Oh, I’m so confused…
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I need all the help I can get.
Reading the post above, my wife is the IT intelligence in our house. I am again ONLY involved in Facebook, Google + and Twit…er…Twitter for business and credibility purposes. But I also have many more friends and people there than on my professional page. So say it if you mean it! Just try to not say it meanly! If there is more than one way to take it, I know some people will always take it so they are offended. I do not need them in my life…OOPS! did I offend
It is taking me a bit but I am enjoying your Blog and I shared this link. Happy Typing! Dave
Thanks for the share! Like you, I wouldn’t be on any of these platforms if I weren’t marketing a book. I enjoyed my off-line life. Still, I’ve found I enjoy these sites more than I anticipated. It’s just the time factor that becomes difficult.
I have yet to work out what on earth I’m trying to do on FB.
You’re very brave having TWO goes at it!
I’m not so sure I’m using FB to its full potential. In fact, I know I’m not. But at least I have it set up for the day I finally know what I’m doing…
You’re already miles ahead of me. I keep telling myself I’ll put some effort into learning it properly… soon.
Well, apparently the thing keeps changing, so perhaps it’s best not to invest too much time, anyway.
I know but I’m terrified of becoming the kind of old lady who’s scared of new technology. So I have to learn eventually just so I know I’m not senile… yet.
I know the feeling.
Better to iron all this out know before you become Carrie Ruben New York Times best selling author. You take care of these little things, the big things take care of themselves, including fame and fortune and having an army of people to do your promotion and Facebooking for you! Love your FB pic.
Wow, you’re full of positive thinking for me. I like it! Even if it is delusional.
But the point about taking care of it now is a good one. Better to be cautious and keep my private private rather than trying to backtrack later. Thanks!
I tend to friend too easily then I have remorse and need to pull the plug. That makes for some awkward conversations if the person ever finds out. (Which has happened to me!)
Well, you’re making me feel better about being an ogre. This way I can avoid those awkward moments.
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it!
I would imagine having the same name and picture for both did you the least favours. Can’t you change the public one to “Carrie Rubin author” or something along those lines.
As mentioned before, I do not have a fcebook link to my blog. I’m quite happy with keeping facebook for family and friends right now, which is useful for posting pictures etc, for the folks on the other side of the pond, who I obviously cannot see regularly.
Actually, my public page is under carrierubinauthor, but when I interact with people, I don’t want my profile name to be that–it would sound weird. I did change my personal profile yesterday, so that has helped me a lot. I at least know which persona I’m now using!
Thanks!
You’ll probably start getting annoyed with FB soon, or at least some aspects of it, if you haven’t already. I like it “but I try not to let it rule my life”
I don’t even think I’m using it right. So far, it’s consumed little of my time. I need to get with it though, because the sole person for joining was to reach out to different audiences than I already have on my blog and Twitter.
I always forget to switch to my public page when I “Like” things, so then people are like, wait, who is this? My husband and I share a personal page. We both hate FB and basically only keep it around so extended family can see pictures of our wee one, so we decided to just combine it all into one “ZachandAshley Austrew” page. We get friend requests from, like, old elementary school friends and college buddies we haven’t spoken to in forever, and we’re both just like, what?? We try to restrict our friends list to family members and people we actually speak to on a regular basis. Sometimes people make it weird, though. My husband deleted one girl who kept posting really obnoxious things because she was annoying and he hadn’t spoken to her in over 6 years, and she sent us a message asking why we deleted her. Awkward… lol
I’m a much bigger fan of having a public page. I love my public page for my blog. Personal pages involve too much politics.
I’m thinking you’re right. But it’s frustrating that I can ‘like’ a page with my public persona but I can’t subscribe to that page with it. For that, I have to use my personal persona. Argghh. At least I changed my profile pic for my personal site so I can tell which one I’m using. I can’t believe that woman actually asked why you deleted her. You’re right–talk about awkward. Thanks!
I feel weird sending requests to family and friends to like or subscribe to my author page. In fact, most of my family/friends probably have no idea that I even have an author page. When people (writers/bloggers) request a like for their page, they have gone to my author page rather than my personal account, so I haven’t run into the problem that you’re describing. Which is weird, because both my accounts are under the same name. Not the same pic, but close enough.
In all honesty, I don’t do enough with FB to really worry about the two accounts blending into one. I know I need to pay more attention to it, but, sigh, I just can’t make it a priority right now.
I know I was one of those people who friended your personal page early on (oops). But I think I’m correctly subscribed to your author page? I should really check on that, because I feel like I was interrupted in mid-correction and might not have followed through???
I’m learning that the blending of the two worlds may be unavoidable, especially now that I learned I can ‘like’ with my public page, but I can’t subscribe using that identity. That’s strange. And another commenter told me that even though you subscribe to something, doesn’t mean you’ll see status updates from that page (for example, I don’t think I’ve seen any from you). Apparently, thanks to FB changes, only about 10% make it through or so unless you put the page on a list. Who has time for all this? Yikes!
Sorry if you were one of those early ‘frienders’ who got redirected. Believe me, it’s for your own good. Not much happening on private me.
I don’t use my maiden name on facebook. So, the long-lost non-friends from high school didn’t surface because they don’t even know my current name. So I basically have forty friends/family on my personal page, but they are real friends.
I keep my accounts separate, and I rarely use either account. I keep pictures separate too as TINEYE will quickly identify you if you use the same picture. I’m not anonymous, but unless you already know me, my actual last name would take awhile to track down. (I have it listed as Notgonasay on numerous accounts.) For me it’s an internet safety issue to keep a few things vague.
Some measure of privacy is more important than social niceties. And I prefer both blogging and twitter to facebook. Facebook is less creative, and more like an endless dinner with relatives. Not terrible mind you, just less creative by design.
Glad to hear I’m not alone in my quest for privacy. I’m not using it as much as I could, but it is fun to interact with my family so easily. But I need to branch out a bit. I’ve mostly subscribed to other blogger’s pages, but I already follow them in the blog world. I need to try to find other audiences as well.
Thanks for the insights!
I can TOTALLY relate. I have about 3 FB accounts and 3 Twitter. I basically only use Twitter (Lucy). The friending thing is a tricky topic. I agree with you though. I like to keep my privates private and my publics public. There has to be a line between personal and professional, imo.
That seems to be the consensus in the comments, and I’m relieved to see that, because I was feeling pretty ogre-ish. I can’t imagine managing so many different accounts, not to mention your two blogs. I don’t think I’d ever get anything else done. It’s already a stretch as it is.
Thanks for dropping by!
i have no clue here…haha…just joking. even though i have the two, i use the primary way more because the other one doesn’t have any sustainability. as to friends and such, i’ll keep them around and if they are just into gaming and such i’ll give them the arrow and click they go. i like the social part of facebook as well as with wordpress. it fills voids when you’ve been divorced for 24 years….haha
I’m learning about this sustainability thing. Another commenter has told me about how not everyone sees the updates from your public page even if they’ve liked and subscribed to it. One has to pay to get more visibility. That sucks.
I hear you as to the visibility and paying. though, I must admit I really haven’t done a lot of research in all of that. it is true that not all comes across while using the likes page or as you say public page. however, if you were to start your own – say – group page as far as your writing and such that will always come through on a your public page. though, it’s just another page jumping and such through facebook. it’s something you can look at. by the way, in a much better mood today:)
It seems one needs a degree to understand FB. Just when I thought my schooling was done…
Glad you’re in a better mood. Time for a happy poem.
Ah yes…the Facebook friending etiquette. I’ve found it’s hard to figure out where to draw the line between who I accept and don’t. So, I generally accept anyone I’ve met in person. Otherwise, I don’t see anything wrong with ignoring.
I wouldn’t accept requests from other bloggers on my personal account. Don’t feel bad!
This seems to be the general consensus among people who’ve commented today, and I have to say, it makes me feel a lot better. So thank you for making me feel like less of an ogre. And for stopping by!
I’m a Facebook meanie too. And proud of it!
Good to hear.
I’ve been on Facebook for a while and gone through several relationships with it. At first I “visited” daily but now maybe 2-3 times a week. It’s not so fun anymore. Some people post too often, some never. The best thing is it’s a bit of an interactive phone directory for keeping in touch with more people.
I have to admit, I don’t see where it’s given me any advantage over my blog. I suppose I should work harder at trying to reach people outside of those who already follow my blog. Of course, then I’d have to get back to that whole friending thing, and then I’m right back where I started.
Thanks for stopping by!
Sigh…I give a crap. I’m always, always worried I will be offending someone if I don’t accept their friend request. My passive/avoidance ways accepts the friend request and then if they annoy me with all their Farm Games invites or whatever, I “unsubscribe” from their posts so they won’t know that I’m not really interested but it still “looks” like we’re friends. Okay, that’s wacky! Terrible.
It is nice that we have that option of hiding what updates people post without their knowledge, because I, like you, hate to offend people. But I think since I’m starting out maintaining such tight control of my private page, hopefully I won’t get too bogged down. Thanks for the comment!
You’re so popular that I’m close to comment #100 by the time I get here! But I had to weigh in because I feel your pain… I had exactly the same problem of personal/public me, but it was worse because I had my other career as a birth doula. When I first got on FB I created a completely separate identity for my doula self using a different e-mail address, but my full name. It got really confusing because some people friended one and some the other. Eventually I dropped the doula persona and am trying to function just as “me.” Except, of course, for my Dance of Souls book page, which presents another problem because it should have been an Audrey Kalman-Author page so I could use it to publicize more than one book. ARGHHH!
I actually referred back to your post when I was setting up my account, because I remembered what you said about naming the public page. That’s why I wanted to use my name instead of my book name. See? You helped make it easier for me, so that should count for something.
I changed my personal profile pic, so at least I can now tell which version of me I’m using by my little pin head in the square. Unfortunately, although FB allows me to ‘like’ a page with my public persona, I cannot subscribe to the page using that. I’d have to switch back to my personal persona in order to subscribe. I just learned this today, so it looks like I’ll be doing liking and subscribing with my personal persona and interacting on other pages with my public persona. Oh, yeah, that shouldn’t get too complicated…
Thanks for weighing in. I only have a lot of comments because I visit a lot of blogs.
First of all, if you are a dumb ass for using the same pic and username for your page as well as your personal account then so am I because I did the same thing. I have over 500 friends on facebook and they have all received invitations to my page. I really am an open book so everyone that wants it, becomes a friend and has access to all of the pictures I post. It’s just easier that way.
Haha. From one dumbass to another.
I just changed one of my pics, so that will help me know which account I’m using. But as for the name, I’m Carrie Rubin to my family, and I’m Carrie Rubin as a writer, so I guess there’s not much I can do about that. Now, with the number of friends you have, that might just put you in that “FB whore” category Sandee mentioned in her comment…
I didn’t read her comment and I don’t think I want to now…lol
With Auntie Sandee, it’s all good.
In case you change your mind about becoming a mean-ass, you know where to find me …or Le Clown. I don’t Facebook; I don’t Tweet; I don’t Tumbl. I’m a curmudgeon so why do I need friends?
Seriously, your posts and the comments that followed tell me it can be a big pain.
[As an aside, I am indebted to Sword-chinned Bitch for the phrase "Facebook whore."]
Yes, that was a good one. I definitely won’t be one of those. And honestly, if it wasn’t for the book marketing, I wouldn’t be on it. On the other hand, it has been fun to mess around with my family on it.
I only have a public page, but Carrie you are not mean for keeping any boundaries you see fit. One thing I will never do is link my Facebook page and my Twitter page. Love my large inquisitive family, but I go on Twitter as a means of escape!
I originally linked mine, but then I disconnected them (though I do have a widget on my public page where people can click to check out my tweets). I didn’t want to bombard people with twitter updates on FB. Have I already been to your public page? I’ll have to go see.
I do not know, it mostly family, but you are free to check it out, don’t get too bored over there!
Oh, I thought you said it was a public page. But then I searched for a link on your blog and didn’t see one, so I assume you meant private. And that’s fine. Private is private.
No it is not private it at all-Just mostly family.
It is under Rachael McGimpsey. I have two other people from twitter who found me. You are free to check it out-just hope you ain’t bored!
Had to go to the office today, so I’m way late to the party! Thanks for the nod, and just so everyone knows—Carrie gets to see my exciting posts like storm updates and blog links.
When I publish, I intend to use “JM McDowell” as my author name. Mainly it’s a heck of a lot shorter than my full name. But a side benefit is that when I do set up an “author page” on social media, I can do it as a distinct name from my private pages.
Most of my Facebook friends are family and people I have physically met, with a few exceptions. But that’s all of 41 people. At least one nephew has more than 900 “friends.” Yeah, friends, huh? Okay, there’s an obvious generation gap there.
Even though I have such limited exposure on FB, I still don’t post anything that would embarrass me. And if someone tried to tag me in a horrible picture, I’d veto the tag.
I think most people will understand when you don’t accept a friend solicitation. (Hmm, maybe that comes across differently than I intended….) And when they find your correct author page, they’ll be able to keep up with you the author. And that’s what most non-stalking normal people would go for.
‘Friend solicitation’–Yes, that has an interesting connotation, doesn’t it?
I can’t imagine having 900 FB friends. My 14 friends keep me plenty engaged. After reading people’s comments, I’m feeling better about keeping things separate. It appears I’m not the only one.
I really wanted to use CM Rubin as my pen name, but there is another author who writes by that name, and when I first looked into starting a blog and deciding what name to use on my novel, when I searched ‘CM Rubin,’ she came up all over the place. I didn’t want to compete with another author in the name department, and as far as I could tell, there were no other authors with the name Carrie Rubin, thus I went with it by default.
Thanks as always for your insights. And for the record, your FB posts are wonderful.
If it’s any consolation, I’ve never heard of that “CR Rubin.”
I think you’re doing just fine. The private/author pages will take care of themselves before long. One thing you might consider is using the same photo for your WordPress Gravatar and your public FB/Google+/other social media pages. Then if people are familiar with one, they’ll recognize you on the others. Just a thought.
I know–I’ve gone to change that photo so many times, and then I think, no, the sillier photo suits my blog personality, and I think it’s a less startling image to accompany some of my goofy comments on other blogs than my professional head shot. I use the same ‘hat’ photo on Twitter, and I’ve debated changing it there, too. But eventually you may see me cross over to that one. I do have it in my Gravatar profile; I just haven’t selected it as the picture.
Thanks!
I decided to have one page since I don’t have a book out to promote. I let anyone friend my personal page as long as they seem legit. But I also don’t use my personal page for anything personal. I accept that anything I put there is for public consumption given how Facebook constantly changes its privacy settings.
That’s a good point. And even though I keep a ‘personal’ page, I’m still very careful about what I put up there. Thanks!
I’ll pretty much accept a friend request from anyone but I hate invitations to play stupid games, or add apps or all that. I ignore all those. In fact if someone sends me too many of those annoying invites they are firmly off my friends list.
I haven’t got too much of that yet, but then again, I don’t have many friends. And I’m finding that suits me just fine. I prefer the interaction on my public page. Thanks!
I’m private too, so understand your dilemma. My girls will say, “I have 500 friends,” and my husband and I say, “No, you don’t! You have 500 stalkers out there of which you probably are only friends with 10%.” We’re nice to our kids like that and drill into them often about posting things that should be private on their Facebook. I am glad I’m not a teenager with Facebook. The thought of EVERYONE knowing when I am in a relationship or not would irritate me. My friends come ask me all the time about how my daughter is doing, and I don’t have a clue what they’re talking about…and then when I get on Facebook, I see that she’s NOT in a relationship anymore and think, “Oh, no. I’ve got to call her.” She is not like me with privacy.
Isn’t it funny how teens can share stuff on FB but not in ‘real’ life? Luckily, neither of my boys is into social media. I’m the only one in the house that uses it, and that suits me just fine. As does my paltry friend count of 13.
Friends are overrated on Facebook. My oldest that’s in college has started to get ‘a little’ smart and weeding out her friend box every few months. But she is always eager to friend new people that ask as wel…so the weeding is like my yard…a continuous act.
It’s like one step forward, two steps back.
Yes…she likes that backwards momentum (as long as she has ‘friends’)
Oh, naming your personal and professional Facebook accounts the same and using the same photo sure is asking for trouble!
I have a Facebook public page for my daily cow blog and I’m thinking about creating one for my photo blog, but I’m waiting a bit because it takes some work.
As for my personal FB account, I have few friends on it on purpose. I post photos of my kids and share personal thoughts and it’s not for everyone to see. I’ve also removed some people since I opened my account, and I have filters so not everyone sees all my posts. If people I don’t know much want to connect, I offer to do it via LinkedIn.
But I have met a few people in the blogosphere that are now my Facebook friends because we have a personal connection. It all depends how comfortable you feel with that person.
Sounds like you use your accounts the way I use mine. I did just change my profile pic on my personal account but still left it professional since people may land there before being redirected. But I can’t really change the names. I want people to find my public page by searching my name, which they will. I think I’ve got everything pretty well protected now. If they land on my personal page instead, I have the suggestion that they head to my public page in a couple places with the link. Getting everybody’s input here today has been very helpful. Thank you for yours!
You could always make your personal page “invisible/private” so that only the people you give the link to or send a friend request to see it, and your existing friends still have access to it. I’m guessing that’s what all the famous people do in this case. And that makes you… FAMOUS!
Haha. Well, not quite. And I don’t want to miss out on someone searching for me but not finding me because I’ve made myself invisible. But my private site has very little on it for others to see. Mostly just redirection to the public page. I’m probably so not what FB had in mind…
Yep, you just have to find out for changes they keep making, because it’s very annoying. The worst is for all public pages, where people like it and then never see it in their newsfeed. This happens more and more because Facebook wants companies to buy ads. So you’ll like a page and then won’t hear anything from it. People have to make sure they add it to the Interest List as well as check the Show in Newsfeed feature. It’s bad.
No wonder I’m not hearing anything about the sites I like! I’m learning more from you by the second. Thank you!
You have to go to the top of each page, under the cover picture. Under Liked, check “show in newsfeed”. Under the star, check Add to important pages. That Important pages under a category in your left sidebar under the Apps, I think.
I hate how Facebook decides what you want to see or not. It does the same thing with your friends by the way, deciding which posts to show you or not.
I’m so glad you came back to tell me that, because I couldn’t find it on my own. I printed out your comment so I can go play around with that. I keep getting all the posts of some pages I subscribed to and nothing from the others. Is frustrating. Who would think to do this if they weren’t savvy? Sheesh, good one, Facebook.
I just found this tonight from a company so it may help you and others. It will help you see the Facebook pages you like, but you’ll have to tell your Facebook fans to do the same for your page, otherwise they may not see the updates easily.
Facebook now requires page administrators to pay to promote their updates if we want our content to be seen by our friends who have already liked our page. If we do not pay to promote our posts, which we don’t, only about 10% of the fans receive the updates on the Facebook home page feed.
To keep receiving all posts from us you have to hover the mouse on the
“Like” button near our name. In the drop-down menu select “ADD TO INTEREST LISTS”. Then create an interest list (and make a name for your favorite sites). When you select that interest list you will again get ALL of our posts and not just 10% of them. We recommend that you follow the above instructions for ANY Facebook page you care about, so you can continue seeing all the posts from the pages you already like!
You have been so helpful. Thank you. I played around with this a little, and I’ve started a list, but I’ve liked so many things, that I haven’t added them all yet. It doesn’t seem right to have to do this, or that our updates will only be seen by 10% or so. What’s the point of liking something then? I wonder how much someone has to pay to become more ‘visible.’ Crazy.
By the way, is your store ready yet? I’m waiting for the word from you, and then I can order my calendars.
I took a quick look by the way (beautiful picture!) and I was wondering if you want people to be able to subscribe to your personal account. They would only see your public posts, and you probably wouldn’t make public posts from that account. I don’t think I allow subscribers on my personal account, I find it a little creepy. Anyway, just my two cents…
You’re right! Thank you–I forgot to take that option out. I’ll go try to find out how to disable that. What would I do without you guys?
I used to draw boundaries, but once I started writing a public blog, I fell into the “I don’t give a crap” category. That having been said, I don’t seek friendship from bloggers. If someone friends me, I’ll usually accept it if it’s a person I “know” from comments, but I reserve the internal right to unfriend them whenever I chose.
Why don’t you change the name of your “Carrie Rubin” follow page to “The Write Transition” to avoid confusion? I also have a double page with a double name, but I don’t use the non-personal one. Eventually I’ll get around to changing the blog-oriented page and publicizing it, but at this point, I’d rather floss my teeth than put effort into it. =)
Thanks for your thoughts, Stacie. I really appreciate everyone’s insights. I thought about changing my public page name, but I want people to be able to find it by searching for my name since it’s an author page and not a page for my blog. People wouldn’t know to search for The Write Transition. I also steered away from giving it my novel’s name, because hopefully I’ll have more books in the future. I’ll have to see how things go.
Thank you, you queen of Halloween decorations, you!
Your story makes me laugh because I identify. I have a few Facebook trauma stories. It took me a bit to learn Facebook etiquette. I learned the phrase ‘Facebook whore’ — someone who accepts requests from everybody. I’ve ignored a couple requests from people I don’t know or barely know. You’ll see that some people have three thousand friends — they might be ‘whores’.
I reluctantly accepted a request in the beginning from a woman that I do not like. I was afraid I’d run into her and that it would be awkward if I didn’t. Her ugly head kept popping up as someone waiting to be confirmed. Finally I did it. I hated her daily musings — she was one who posted every five minutes (uh boy you have that to look forward to). She would click ‘like’ on some of my statuses or postings. Sometimes she’d make positive comments. I’d say a polite ‘thank you’ but it made me uncomfortable.
Finally I saw that I was down one less friend. “Who the hell unfriended me?” I wondered, scanning my list of ‘friends’. It was her! Yayyyy! I think she felt ignored by me. She posted all the time but I never said anything to her. I felt relieved after she quit me, like I could be comfortable again.
I learned that some people never go on Facebook even if they have accounts so if you send them a request, it may not be confirmed. If I had known this early on I might not have confirmed her. This was an early lesson about Face Book for me. Good luck Carrie!
Thank you for sharing your experience. The amount of guidance I’m getting from these comments is far more than I could get from doing online research on the subject. It’s much appreciated!
And I loved how you got rid of her by benign neglect–the gentle way to do it. I’ve had to click the ‘hide’ button on a couple Facebookers who enjoy frequent updates. I update once a day to every other day. Seems enough to me. I just hope people don’t get updates every time I ‘like’ something. I still don’t know how that works, but I imagine it would be quite annoying.
I don’t use facebook, and aside from some tweeters urging me to go to their page, I don’t really worry about it.
Good luck though!
As I’ve boldly admitted, I wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for this marketing thing. Does that make me despicable?…
Pragmatic.
I’ll take that.
It’s not a mean decision, it’s a wise one. That’s one reason I don’t use my last name on my blog – a little anonymity is good. The thing that bothers me about my Noted in Nashville Facebook page, is that I can’t “follow” or “like” others . . . which makes me look like a meanie too.
Yes, a public page will allow you to ‘like’ something but not subscribe to it. Thank you for reminding me of that, because that’s what’s tripping me up. If I want to like something in my public persona, in order to subscribe to it, I have to go back to my personal persona. Too much work so I end up staying in personal mode. But hopefully, I have enough info on my personal site that directs people to my public page.
Don’t feel badly – I’m supposed to be a computer geek, and I still sometimes screw up and post via “real me” instead of “author me” or vice versa. And I’m still trying to figure out why FB sometimes shows my author status on my personal page and sometimes doesn’t… and sometimes apparently does because everybody comments on it, but I can’t see it at all in my own timeline (which really creeps me out).
And we meanies can stick together – I heartlessly ignore any requests that aren’t from my immediate family or people I’ve known for a long time. I don’t even have a redirect to my author page. Guess I’d better get on that…
Glad to hear I am not alone in my feelings. I figured I’d sort it out now before I get overcome with ‘friends’ and can’t backtrack. So far I’ve only friended family and close friends of family (except poor JM who got sucked into my vortex).
I don’t think FB makes it very easy to interact from one identity to the other, so for simplicity, I’m still liking everything from my main account. When I function from my pubic page, it seems there are more restrictions. But I have the link to my public page identifiable in my ‘about’ section of my personal page. Unfortunately, FB doesn’t allow for direct links in this box, so people will have to copy and paste the address.
Thanks, Diane. As always, I appreciate your insights. You are paving the way for the rest of us.
I abandoned FB long ago. I started by friending everyone that asked and by the time I left, I was down to just 5 friends and it seemed like a waste to even be there. I defriended every one else, because they did not get me. They did not get my humor. They did not get my wit. Mainly, they did not get my sarcasm. I got tired of having to explain myself. Especially, they did not get my wordplay which really pissed me off! Anyway, FB is for new mothers and new brides and no self-respecting writer would be caught dead there. Just sayin’. HF
In a round-about way, you have helped me reconfirm that it’s okay for me to keep my worlds separate. If I want to let my hair down and make a political joke, I can do so on my personal site, knowing my family feels the same way as me. I am more reserved on the public site. That being said, anything private can be made public, so up to this point, the only political bantering I’ve been doing is to make fun of The Donald. Because if we can’t laugh at his hair, then what else in this world is funny?…
I, for one, adore your sarcasm. Please don’t ever tame it.
That’s the nicest thing you have ever said to me! Love ya! HF
Good. Then I’ve met my quota for a while…
OK Sheldon. :+)
Occasionally I’m glad that I am not on Face Book at least not Yet. I had to laugh about the photo being the same that sounds like somthing I would do.
To friend or not to friend I think that would stress me out. Also the idea of old flames wanting to talk about old times. I don’t think Navar needs to deal with that or me for that matter. So for the moment I’m Face Book free, but I’m not sure for how long. By the time I decide to sign up it will probably be obsoelte.
If I wasn’t marketing, I wouldn’t be on it. There. I said it. But even so, I’ve found it pretty enjoyable, and it’s not eating up too much of my time. But I do like the separation of private and public, and so far, the comments have been steered in that direction, though others have fused both worlds and like it that way. But yes, as you point out, I’m probably behaving just as Sheldon would…
Sorry I couldn’t help myself thinking about the Sheldon reference. I agree I don’t think Sheldon would have Face Book. I’m glad your enjoying FB and its not burning up too much time. You have other books to write as well as market. That reminds me I’m sorry I’m slow to read your book. I will be ordering it soon. I got stuck in the middle of reading a book and for some reason I had made up this strange rule that I must finish reading it before I started your book. But I can’t stand it any longer so I’m tossing it aside and will be reading your book soon. Just in time for flu season. :+0
You’re sweet, Starla. And I promise my book won’t make you sick. Well, not from the flu, anyway. But there are likely a myriad of other reasons why it could make you sick…
I hope this is the first of many books for you. It’s been an exciting process reading your posts about what it’s like to bring a book to market.
I hope so, too! Thanks!
I’ve struggled with this too. I have accepted friend requests from a lot of blogger buddies and later thought, ‘why did I do that?’ For a while I quit posting any pics of my kids because it sort of freaked me out that all these people I don’t really know would see them and not only that, I’m going to bore them to tears with that kind of stuff. I also went through every pic I already had posted to Facebook of my kids and set them to private – a long arduous process. I did the same with certain posted messages that I felt were too personal/family related for the world to view. This drove me nuts though. So now, I do occasionally post a pic or two of personal things and if the FB followers don’t enjoy those, they can hide the postings from me or unfriend me. Since my husband has his own FB page, he can post pics of the kids and stuff so our family/friends can view those there. I do maintain a professional page that I try to direct people to from my blog, but then many of them discover my personal page and do the friend request. It does get a little complicated sometimes. I do like using Facebook as a way to promote the writing though and discover other writers and show support for them. Plus, I have had some wonderful chats with fellow writers, been invited to participate in many writing projects, etc. because of getting to know them better through FB.
I definitely think there are pros and cons to both ways, but as you learned, it is easier to start restrictive than to have to backtrack in that direction. So I am learning from your useful insights, and thus, probably won’t deviate from what I’m doing. I appreciate you sharing your experience. I’m always amazed how much I learn from people’s comments. Saves me so much time.
By the way, did you receive the paperbook copy of my book I sent you for being an early reviewer?
Oh yes!! and thank you! I’ve been running like mad lately and am planning to post a pic of me diligently reading it – naturally, to Facebook. And ha, just after responding to your post about FB I changed my profile pic – and it’s a pic that has my two boys in it – but I like the picture
Oh, good, glad you received it. Thanks!
Carrie, I feel your FB angst. I have two pages; a personal one and a ‘fan’ page. Since I’m an open book, I post many things to both. I find that people interact more on my ‘fan’ page though, so I’m trying to focus on it.
I was accepting all friend requests (I’m friendly like that), until a couple of weeks ago when a new ‘friend’ (she was friends with several other friends so I stupidly thought it would be okay…) posted a nearly naked photo of herself on my timeline with a phone number to call her. She made it look like it came from me. Of course, anyone who knows me would recognize immediately by the ample cleavage, that the pic was not, in fact me. Lesson learned.
Don’t worry. I won’t friend you, as long as you don’t friend me
That’s terrible that happened to you! And that may be the very comment that seals the deal for me and keeps me a bit standoffish when it comes to friend requests. I’d be mortified if that happened.
Thank you for stopping by, as I realized I hadn’t yet subscribed to your page (I just did).
I do think it’s really creepy to get friend requests from people I have never heard of… and since I’m posting photos of my kids from time to time, I don’t friend people I don’t know. Mostly, it’s a way to keep up with (personal) writing friends and their novels and successes (and Halloween night tales).
I don’t think you’re mean at all for drawing some boundaries. There don’t seem to be many boundaries these days… let’s embrace boundaries!
Glad to hear that. I haven’t yet put up photos of my kids on my personal site, but I’d like the option to, and I feel weird crossing my family life with my online life. And really, most of my interaction is on my public page, so it’s not like I’m holding out.
Thanks, Anne!
Ha, welcome to the confusing world of Facebook!
Nothing wrong with keeping a strict boundary between your “Page” and your “Profile”. I do exactly the same. My Nest Expressed page is for everyone who follows the blog, my Daniel Gniazdo profile is for friends and family (also, those who know that Nest = Gniazdo)
Enjoy your new mean life in the social media world!
As much as I don’t like being ‘mean,’ I suspect I’ll stay like this for awhile. It’s good you have different last names you use. I think that would help. And I really should change my personal photo, so I can tell which stinkin’ profile I’m using!
Thanks for your insights. I appreciate it.
I don’t really think about it. Sometimes I go through and clean it out, basically un-friend people that I don’t actually “know” (which reminds me, I need to do this). I’ve accepted every request that has come in….but that doesn’t stop me from changing my mind down the road. If I were doing anything too private I would probably care, but I’m pretty open about my life.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head–it comes down to how private a person is. I like having one online self where I can ease up a bit on always worrying about how I present myself. Of course, it’s not like I go all crazy on my personal site, but it’s weird for me to mix family with my online world of buddies.
I think I like having it to where people can put a face to what I’m writing about. (I write about family a lot.) I’ll stop when the family cries fowl. I do have some that have said a big NO…which I respect.
I can remember, before even the blog, visiting my grandparents and taking a picture of them and Grammy saying…”now, I don’t want to see that on Facebook.” Of course I was a bumbling drunk at the time.
Well, hopefully Grammy got her wish.
She always does.
I said in a blog post once, where I was dissing a lot of crap on Facebook, that I have “friends” who I wouldn’t recognize if I bumped into them in the frozen food aisle. What good is that? There is the “unfriend” option and I have used that on occasion, the person you are unfriending will usually not even know you are doing it unless s/he checks specifically.
That’s how I feel. I have my blog, Twitter, and a public FB page for interaction–why would anyone need or be interested in my personal page? I want to be able to just be Carrie and joke around with my family and such. I still wouldn’t put anything I’d be embarrassed by on my private site, but it allows me to let my guard down just a little. Thanks, Lynn.
I also have two FB accounts — the Goddess/Writer one and the family one. I do admit I have friends and family on the Goddess one (how else can I let them know I’ve blogged another wonderful ditty?), but I don’t have the public on my private one either. If I’ve got something to say about my nutty private life, I’ll blog about it. Otherwise, private is private.
I agree. I, too, have welcomed my family to my public page (though they probably couldn’t give a fig), but I obviously haven’t done the reverse. And not so sure I ever will. Thanks!
Initially, I was a FB meanie, too. Now I accept everyone and hope they’ll find their way to my fan page. One way or the other, a friend is a reader and it’s good to treat readers as friends. BUT, if I put up pictures I only want family to see, I create custom albums for them. I also tend to take pictures down after I feel everyone has seen them. I’m also careful not to put anything political on my personal page, but that’s also because I can’t stand anyone ever talking politics in polite conversation. I keep really personal things off my page. Oh, and if I friend someone and it turns out their irritating, I can always block them, hide them or unfriend them. Don’t know if this helps or not, but I do feel it’s important to see everyone as a potential reader. And a reader is a friend indeed.
I think you’re right, no doubt, and I’m probably missing out by doing this. But I do try to make it obvious on my personal site where people can go to connect with me on the public page. I enjoy bantering with my family who are scattered all over the country, and it’s hard to avoid politics and such when my mother is a state representative.
So I figure this allows me to do some of these things without having to feel as censured. But I’m going to take your words to heart. Maybe over time I’ll soften on the matter.
Is there a way to not have your personal site be private? So only family and friends you choose can see it? I see your dilemma. I do personal message threads for things I don’t want the world to see or hold against me!
I’ll have to look into that.
There is that option, but it’s more work than I like. And really, anything I want the public to see, I’ll put on my public page. Thank you!
Carrie,
A few weeks back, I posted a status on my personal Facebook page : “I will not accept any more friend requests from bloggers“. It created an active thread, with quite a bit of interaction. “Why?”, some asked… Reason was simple: I did have a few less than desirable incidents with some bloggers after befriending them on Facebook. The more “A Clown on Fire” grows in popularity, the more friend requests I am getting. Don’t get me wrong, I love the blogosphere community… But, as I realized and as you said, there’s an online persona and a private persona to most bloggers, including myself. Some I enjoyed as bloggers, but ended up realizing I didn’t like as much as an individuals, and some were somewhat too forward with their “liking” of Le Clown…
This is why I do not accept personal Facebook friendships anymore, and redirect towards my “fan” page…
Le Clown
I think you made the perfect decision, especially given Eric and Le Clown can be so disparate. I’m using my personal page to catch up with family and such, and it would feel weird to merge my two worlds. I’m glad you sent me that email before I joined FB. It helped me make the decision beforehand, so I didn’t have to experience your fate. You paved the way, Monsieur!
Hey–thanks to an early start, I got here at a decent time today! Apparently, there’s 7:00 AM now, too.
I use FB quite a bit, more with my personal account than Promethean Times. In general, I accept most FB invites (’cause I’m not a d***, but then, it’s not for me to judge), unless I absolutely have no idea who the person is. If someone wants to be subjected to my constant stream of Holly Hobby photos (I have a dollhouse collection like you’v never seen!), so be it.
Oh, boy, now I know I’m a d**k. If Smak accepts most friend requests, then I’m in real trouble. Maybe I’ll soften up over time, but I guess it’s still too much ‘closeness’ for this reserved woman.
Thanks for the insights. Impressive to see a West Coaster so early over here.
If Smak accepts most friend requests,
In fairness, it’s mostly due to my crushing loneliness.
A tear trickles down my face.
Yes, I’m selective about who I friend on Facebook, that’s not to say that I only have family, or true friends on there, but I have to at least know the person! Sometimes I get friend requests from friends of friends, and I usually ignore those unless there’s a good reason to hook up that has been explained to me and makes sense! Nevertheless, I would still never put anything on Facebook that would worry me if it did leak out into the wide world because you can never guarantee that those who are your Facebook friends might not share more widely something you have put up!
Very true. That’s why my personal page is so boring. But it’s weird to get friend requests from people I don’t know–either online or in person. Glad I’m not the only one that clicks the ignore tab. I hope they don’t know I clicked that button. Don’t want there to be any ping on their computer that says, ‘That woman is a meanie’…
My delightful husband put me on Facebook without telling me….why didn’t he put himself on if, as he said, his aim was to keep in touch with family?
I cannot get to grips with the thing…
That’s so funny that he put you on it. I wouldn’t be pleased if my hubby did that to me. Then again, I don’t have to worry, as my husband suffers from computer-illiteracy.
I’m afraid neither of my Facebook profiles are getting much action. I have miles to go in improving it.
Funny, I always pictured (and I’m not joking) your husband being an IT guy. Don’t shatter the illusion!
That means “Information Technologies” by the way. You probably know, but I thought I’d explain, lest you thought I meant something bad.
Yeah, I got that. I didn’t think you were talking about a Stephen King novel. On second thought…
Sorry, but you are SO far from the truth. I’m the one who manages anything electronic or technical in the home. And that should frighten anyone. But he does take care of the cars, pump my gas, and unplug the toilets, so it’s all good…
When I first started on facebook, my philosophy was “if you can’t have control over your relationships on facebook, then where can you?” I saw a place where I ruled absolutely and unapologetically. That lasted about five days. It is a slippery slope. I rarely go on anymore. If I have to hear one more time that I girl I knew in high school “likes” Kleenex, I may go on a rampage. I had to unfriend a woman from church who said such shockingly biased things against Muslims I can’t even believe she looks normal. I went to facebook looking for connection, and I am backing away, dismayed at what I have found. Guard your privacy. Put good value on your author page to keep the masses nurtured, but keep your private places to yourself. That sounded weird but you know what I mean.
You and many of the other commenters have convinced me I’m going about this the right way. Thank you. I feel much less guilty now.
