I Am A Facebook Ogre

After nearly two weeks on Facebook, I have come to the following conclusion:

I’m mean.

The Meanie

When I joined the Zuckerberg lovefest, I set up a personal account for family and friends of family, but I did not plan for much interaction. Instead, my intention was a public page to which visitors could subscribe and experience my twaddle. What I failed to foresee, however, were the ‘friend’ requests.

As Facebook users know, one doesn’t ‘friend’ a public page, only a personal page. But as a ridiculously private dork, I want my personal page to remain just that—personal. Not that I’m posting wild images of myself partying with scantily clad men, but on the occasion I do fling up a family photo for Grammie or Auntie to see, I don’t want the World Wide Web also enjoying the view.

I’m sure friend-seekers understand my hesitation, but nonetheless, I feel like a crotchety scrooge clicking the Ignore Friend Request tab, despite an accompanying explanation and redirection to my public page.

But trust me, nothing on my personal page begs viewing. Just ask poor JM McDowell who got sucked into a ‘friend’ request my first day on Facebook. At the time, I didn’t understand ‘friending’ vs. ‘subscribing’ and thought I was invoking an invitation to subscribe to my author page. Being the gracious soul she is, she accepted, and as such, she’s suffering tales of Pumpkin Patch volunteerism and Rubin family game night. Sorry, JM, but at least it’s a sleep aid.

The Sweetie

So, for your protection, I’ll offer this warning. To avoid capture in my personal Facebook snooze funnel, don’t try to friend me. But please, feel free to subscribe to my public page. I’m open arms over there.

Good. That’s settled. But I still have my twin identity problem. You see, I created personal Carrie Rubin and public Carrie Rubin, and like the dum-dum I am, I used the same name and profile pic for both. As such, I’ve been ‘liking’ pages with personal Carrie, which is probably what summons the ‘friend’ requests. Instead, public Carrie should be doing the liking. That way, folks are directed back to my page rather than my threadbare personal profile. Indeed, it’s time I sort this crap out, lest I lose all you lovely folks in the process.

So what’s my point? Who knows? But suffice it to say, just because I’m a mean Facebooker, doesn’t mean I’m a mean woman.

I want you to know that.

If you’re on Facebook, do you ‘friend’ everyone? Are you able to draw boundaries, either online or in person, or do you worry about offending people? 

Cartoon images from Microsoft Clip Art

179 Responses to “I Am A Facebook Ogre”

  1. bevinnefromhevinne

    I thot you were going to say you were MEAN to people on fb. Like being rude to them.:) I can see I was patently WRONG. Ah well – so much for alittle drama.
    I liked your non-personal page. I’m sure there’s much happenin’ there.:)

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Oh, no. I don’t believe in being rude to people–online or in person. The golden rule is my mantra–so much so that my children get tired of hearing me lecture on it.:)

      Thank you so much for the FB like! I appreciate it. Since I really only use my public page, I wish it would let me ‘like’ and follow personal sites that make their posts public (like yours). But unless the user puts up a subscribe button, it doesn’t let me comment or like their posts. Believe it or not, I still haven’t got FB all figured out. I don’t think I ever will…

      Thank you!

      Like

  2. Val

    I’ve got much the same problem. I’ve a public page for my ‘artist self’ and I post stuff about my art and my blogging. Then I’ve a profile page for more personal stuff. I do receive friend requests and I usually turn them down. But unlike you, and at least at the moment, I don’t invite my family to my profile page. They can Like my page if they want, but I don’t really want to mix family and friends at all on Facebook. I did it once before and it really didn’t work. So my friends are on the profile and everyone else (actually including a lot of the same friends) on the public page. Even my sister reads my public page!:)

    I put a long-winded but humorous ‘about’ page info onto my FB profile as I’m now instantly recognisable by my name there, and it’s fairly clear what I will and won’t allow there. But a few always either just don’t read it or just hope that I’ll add them to my profile.

    The way I get round it is this: I prefer to add people rather than have them friend request me. I need security in my life, and this way I get it. I hope you’ve found a way that’s right for you (as you did write this a couple of months back!)

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      So far my division is working well. To be honest, I only have about 14 ‘friends’–family and friends of family. I don’t actively recruit, but if a relative seeks me out, I’ll ‘friend’ them. But my public page is where I’m doing most of my interaction. As for my family stopping by on my public page, they never do! Guess they have better things to do, and I don’t blame them.:)

      Can you give me the link to your public page?

      Like

      • Val

        Yes, sure – it’s https://www.facebook.com/Val.Erde

        I ‘Liked’ your page, by the way. I do wish they’d go back to the old terms. The ‘Likers’ used to be called fans. Much more sensible.

        (I hope this comment posted okay, either WordPress or my browser are being very glitchy at the moment.)

        Like

        • Carrie Rubin

          It posted fine, and I already found your FB page and gave you a ‘like.’ Thanks for doing the same on mine. I appreciate it.:)

          Like

  3. Martha Merrill Wills

    I post everything to my “fan” page. If something is just for Grannie, I’ll put it on my personal page, but that side never gets used much anymore. The funny thing is that I think the only people who read my fan page status updates are my friends and family anyway. I’m on the fence as to whether or not facebook does anything to promote anything anymore.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      That’s exactly how I’ve been using it. It’s nice to have the option of putting something up for family and friends alone. But I’m with you–I’m not sure how useful it’s been as a marketing tool. It seems that most of the people who follow my page also follow my blog. I need to figure out how to expand my audience.

      Like

  4. Fathead Follies

    And this is why I don’t have a public facebook page. I’ve had a personal one for a couple of years but I’m too confused by the ins and outs of running both.

    Like

  5. Denise Hisey

    Carrie!! You have described one of my biggest fears of getting on FB!
    May I email you and ask some questions about the big bad world of FB?
    I have been doing some serious procrastination because of my intimidation!
    Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated…

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Haha, I’m probably not the right person to ask for advice. Pretty much everything I know about Facebook I just summed up here. I continue to separate the personal from the private, but honestly, I doubt I’m using it to the extent I should. There is still so much I don’t know about it.
      :)

      Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate it.
      :)

      Like

      • Denise Hisey

        😉 That’s ok, thanks, though!

        I hope your book signing went well! Congrats on that!!
        Thanks for stopping by to visit me today, too!

        Like

        • Carrie Rubin

          It did, and thank you! But now I feel as though I’ve had all my energy drained. Such is the case for introverts after we have to don a public face for a while.
          :)

          Like

  6. Arizona girl

    I never really got into the whole Facebook thing. I do have a page; I just don’t really do anything with it. Every year I say I should really get started on using it because everybody else seems to love it and maybe it would be a good way to keep in touch with family and friends. Never happens. I’m not sure why – does it take too much time? am I afraid of having to say no to friend requests that I just don’t want? maybe I just don’t have anything interesting to share? Who knows. But another new year with its resolutions is coming….:)

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I’m happy to find it’s not taking as much time as I worried it might. Then again, I doubt I’m using to its full marketing effect.
      :)

      Like

  7. butimbeautiful

    I don’t give a crap. No scantily clad photos, I guess..how sad! But then, I have two facebook pages – the real me and the pretend me. So people at work and would-be employers hopefully won’t find the nightmare that is the pretend me, only the respectable citizen that’s the ‘real’ one.

    Like

  8. Kat

    I was faced with the same concerns when I first decided to put an FB button on my blog, and I actually took it down after a while but have it back again as of one week ago. Still figuring out the whole privacy issues thing.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I think it’s always easier to start with tight reins on the privacy. One can always loosen them later, but for now, I think I’ll continue to separate my personal from my public world.

      By the way, I found your page and gave you a like! I look forward to seeing your public updates in my news feed.
      :)

      Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Haha. Too bad one can’t ‘friend’ request a public page. Then again, I suspect that would defeat the purpose.
      😉

      Like

  9. lidipiri

    Am confused but not by the mean-ass part. I perceive that the human personal you could never be that.
    Ah but the FB thingy part does confuse me so as to not feel rejected I won’t look at either page. :) lol
    Am with the blogger though that says guard your privacy. So much of you is already open by blogging that there is no need to open yourself more on FB. My profile is private and though I am extremely outgoing, I like it that way. :)

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I think I will continue to separate my personal from my public. I suppose if I get more comfortable down the road I could change this, but for now it’s working for me. Thanks!

      Like

  10. susan sheldon nolen

    I use facebook to keep in touch but hate the adverts, the games I should be playing, and as for friends, well you can never have too many friends in the world. Or can you?:-)

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Yes, I’m finding the advertisements to be very annoying. I’m assuming this is a newer phenomenon thanks to the changing nature of FB from a business standpoint. Certainly not a welcome addition.
      :)

      Like

      • susan sheldon nolen

        I am not using my mobile Facebook anymore as I am tired of hearing about what games and apps I should be using. I know Facebook isn’t a charity and runs on money from the adverts, but I am never going to try one of those games, so easier just to ignore the whole thing!:-)

        Like

  11. The Bumble Files

    I’ve pretty much ignored my Facebook lately. I keep thinking I will get back to it but haven’t. Ignorance is bliss? Maybe. I can see your dilemma, so don’t worry…I don’t think you’re a mean-ass woman. It seems like you should be able to just have a Public Facebook page. It would seem doable.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you. I’m really not a mean-ass. Well, as long as you don’t ask my kids, anyway…

      I haven’t been doing too much with FB. I know I should do more, but so little time…

      Like

  12. Inion N. Mathair

    Well thank you Carrie! Thx to your post, I now know, that I’ve probably ticked off like one hundred people thru my weak experience in networking. As I’m reading your post, a little light bulb went off in my head, and things began to make some sense. I use the word some, because I’m still not sure about the entire process, by which one separates the two. More than how I need to know why, to see if we’re doing something utterly wrong! Perhpas this will one day fall into place and I”ll go, “okay, now I get it!” As for now, I keep reading other writers blogs, with posts like yours and learning as I go! Thank you for the great post and learning experience.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Well, I’m glad you found it helpful, but I doubt you ticked anybody off.
      :)

      I’m still learning as I go, and I have much to figure out about Facebook. In fact, others may use it completely opposite from me, and perhaps that is the better way to go. I suppose we all have to do what feels right for us. Some are more comfortable with less privacy than others.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  13. Maddie Cochere

    Carrie, I swear, I need a new reader! I completely missed your post until I saw it on my Facebook feed this morning (which I obviously don’t check very often). I wanted a FB page just to leave updates and thoughts about my books, but as you found out, I had to have the personal page first. One of my cousins found me and sent a friend request, which I accepted. He then turned around and flooded my notification feed of tons of people he thinks I should also friend. It’s confusing, because I really only want “book stuff” on my business page, but I don’t have time for the personal page. I hate FB. I’ve decided to look at it after the first of the year and try to figure out what to do then.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      That’s what happened to me–as soon as I friended some family members, I got floods of requests for friends. Some I accepted, because I knew them, but most I didn’t. I’ve changed my profile pic, so I at least know which persona I’m now ‘liking’ with, but unfortunately, although I can ‘like’ with my personal or public persona, I can’t subscribe with my public persona. Is frustrating, but maybe it doesn’t matter, because I’ve now found out that even when I ‘like’ a page but don’t subscribe to it, I still get updates in my news feed! I can’t figure it out. Another commenter told me people can pay to have their updates more visible to users who’ve ‘liked’ their page, so maybe that’s it. Oh, I’m so confused…

      Thanks for sharing your experiences. I need all the help I can get.
      :)

      Like

  14. vudragovich

    Reading the post above, my wife is the IT intelligence in our house. I am again ONLY involved in Facebook, Google + and Twit…er…Twitter for business and credibility purposes. But I also have many more friends and people there than on my professional page. So say it if you mean it! Just try to not say it meanly! If there is more than one way to take it, I know some people will always take it so they are offended. I do not need them in my life…OOPS! did I offend😉 It is taking me a bit but I am enjoying your Blog and I shared this link. Happy Typing! Dave

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thanks for the share! Like you, I wouldn’t be on any of these platforms if I weren’t marketing a book. I enjoyed my off-line life. Still, I’ve found I enjoy these sites more than I anticipated. It’s just the time factor that becomes difficult.

      Like

  15. acflory

    I have yet to work out what on earth I’m trying to do on FB.😦 You’re very brave having TWO goes at it!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I’m not so sure I’m using FB to its full potential. In fact, I know I’m not. But at least I have it set up for the day I finally know what I’m doing…

      Like

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