I Won’t Have What She’s Having

Caution. This one’s a gross out. But if you’re looking for calorie suppression after your turkey feast, then by all means, read on.

My last post hinted at the culinary delight of discovering hair in one’s food. That led my brain down an undesired pathway. What other gross things have I found in my fare?

I won’t bore you with the times I’ve spotted a hair nestled in my solids and sauces—that flowerbed’s already been trampled. Instead, I will impress you with other fine finds. Impressive not only because of what I’ve discovered, but impressive because I’m still able to eat.

Is That An Ice Crystal In Your Shake?

As a college student, I didn’t own a car, which in North Dakota can prove challenging. Therefore, I rode my bike everywhere, for as long as the weather would allow. Beyond that, it was the bus and the kind acts of my work buddies, including my future husband, who was undoubtedly my favorite ride.

In the summer, after a long biking trek across town, I’d often treat myself to a Dairy Queen. One day, while hot and sweaty, the need for a vanilla shake consumed me. After paying for my frozen delight, I leaned against my bike and sucked and slurped until the last drop. But in that last drop, something tickled my tongue. An ice chip, perhaps? But ice would dissolve in the heat of my mouth, wouldn’t it? This tiny morsel did not.

I spit the bit into my palm. Well, what do you know? A fingernail! Maybe from the Dairy Queen herself.

Hey, I Said No Black Olives!

During my residency, my husband and I maintained our strength by consuming large amounts of Mexican food. We couldn’t get enough of the stuff. But while we both fancied burritos with all the fixings, Mr. Rubin declined the black olives.

On one occasion, however, an olive slipped into his tortilla. Or at least, what appeared to be an olive. If olives have wings, eyes, and legs, then an olive it was. If they don’t, then my dear husband almost swallowed a fly.

Something For Your Boo Boo?

Other than a butt-load of calories, one wouldn’t think chicken Marsala and mashed potatoes would be dangerous. At least I didn’t think so when I ordered the dish off the menu one day. But apparently they are, because my entrée came with a safety net. In the form of a band-aid.

Well, wasn’t that thoughtful? Who cares if it was already used?

Would you like some pus and bloody discharge with your potatoes?

Bon Appétit!

What fun items—living or otherwise—have you found in your food?

All images from Microsoft Clip Art

196 Responses to “I Won’t Have What She’s Having”

  1. daniheart21

    I cannot say that I am pleased with this post…euw… just yuck…but hay who of us haven’t experienced some such things being found in our food. again euwwwww. LOL Graphic post. WEll done

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you! I aim to educate, and when I can’t do that, I aim to disgust. Such fine goals, no?
      😉

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  2. Cakes and Shakes...

    Aah! So gross. I just made a quick batch of oatmeal fudge bars, I think you may have succeeded in putting me off them; weirdly despite cooking up a storm last weekend for the in-laws, I actually lost two pounds. Think it was stress 🙂

    Like

  3. writerwendyreid

    A dirty band aid? Gross. We found a worm at the bottom of a tequila bottle. Turns out, a lot of my friends had also found worms at the bottom of THEIR tequila bottles as well. That’s when I switched to gin.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Well, the good news is, that alcohol content will kill most anything. Maybe even the little critters incubating in that band-aid.

      Like

  4. harperfaulkner

    Please, write another blog or take down the eyeball in the beans picture. Everytime I venture to your site I see it and I’m grossed out! Pleaseeeeesss remove it! HF

    Like

  5. Valentine Logar

    I lived on the border of Mexico for several years back in the 70’s, use to walk across the bridge for dinner all the time. We were always finding bugs, mostly cockroaches in our burritos, you just got use to checking.

    Like

  6. twistingthreads

    Other than the occasional hair (which I pushed to the side of my plate), I’ve never found anything odd in my food. Fingercots (and gloves) should be worn over bandages covering injuries to prevent seepage and bandage loss, and I don’t see why anyone would cut their fingernails in a kitchen, so I find your discoveries appalling, and an indication that some food locations need to send their cooks/servers to ServSafe and the like/make their managers keep an eye out, etc. I’m not sure I’d trust them to wipe down a cutting board they just gutted a fish on if they can’t demonstrate the basic level of common sense required to keep a bandage or finger nail from winding up in someone’s food. Then again, it only takes one person (one of our EX-cooks once thought it acceptable to raise up their shirt and pick their surgery scabs in a food preparation area), so…

    That having been said, we once spent some off season months chasing each other around the kitchen and shooting each other with air soft guns. Imagine my surprise when two years later (long after I’d seen one of the pellets anywhere, although I swept them up for months after the wars were over), a server brought back a salad with a florescent air soft pellet in it. They, and the customer, were very confused by this (“Oh, my garsh! What is this THING?”). I was disturbed because, hey, I had no idea where that ammunition had been in the last year, or where it had spontaneously come from to wind up in that salad.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Haha–an air pellet. That’s a new one for me! Much less disturbing than a band-aid, but as you mention, the real question is how it got there. And I agree–a food preparer sporting a band-aid should wear gloves. On the other hand, your ability to just push a hair to the side of the plate and not be totally grossed out impresses me.
      🙂

      Like

  7. Marylin Warner

    At the drive-in, during our one and only double date, my brother put a wadded up (but not used) band aide in my drink, then replaced the lid, and he and my date carried all drinks and popcorn back to the car. My date had seen what happened and gave the drink to my brother’s date. She freaked out, and there was nothing my brother could do but march back to the concession stand pretending to be irate.

    Like

  8. Sheila

    Ugh! Thanks for the laugh and the calorie suppression – I needed both! I’ve also found a few scary things in food. The worst was in the dining commons at college – a very used and squishy band-aid in the macaroni and cheese.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      That now makes 5 or 6 band-aid finders between me and the other commenters. This is obviously far more common than I realized. Yuck. Maybe cooks should shed those band-aids (but preferably not in our food) or wear gloves!

      Like

      • Sheila

        Gloves would help. That band-aid was still in a circle so it must have been on someone’s finger and now I’m wondering why those fingers were ever in the macaroni and cheese. I mean, the use of a spoon would be nice.

        Like

  9. aFrankAngle

    Not much at this end, thus no good addition to the above. Interestingly, a friend of mine found a rubber glove in his food at a restaurant!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Oh, wow. That wins the award for the largest item found. The previous winning commenter was for a fried mouse. But the latter is definitely grosser.
      🙂

      Like

  10. diannegray

    It’s hard enough chewing your own fingernail…

    I used to know a Scottish guy who ate free for most of his life by carting around a little bag of cockroaches – worked every time 😀

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      What a crafty lad, albeit a dishonest one. I think it’s safe to cross that guy off the list of potential life partners.
      😉

      Like

  11. Elliot

    Other than hair I seem to thus far, have been relatively lucky, or blind to, additions in the food. I did once go to a Chinese restaurant back in the UK a long time ago, and as we were eating, a large bug, which might have been a cockroach, crawled over the table. Obviously never went there again.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Well, let’s hope it’s that you’ve been “lucky” not to find these things rather than swallowed them blindly. Then again, I guess what we don’t know doesn’t hurt us. Except maybe for Audrey, who commented earlier that she was eating takeout while traveling and swallowed something sharp and pokey. She never knew what it was but luckily was unharmed. That’s just not right!
      🙂

      Like

  12. Kourtney Heintz

    Hair is the worst. Especially when it’s not mine and it’s wrapped around the food. Oh wait, there was a Mexican restaurant in Arlington, VA that served us tortilla chips and salsa. The tortilla chips came witha dead cockroach in them. Yeah, that was probably the worst. 😉

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Yummy! I certainly hope the restaurant gave you a free meal. That’s really disgusting. Given the number of commenters who have encountered cockroaches in their food, I guess I should count myself lucky with the fly!

      Like

      • Kourtney Heintz

        No. I think they just gave us fresh chips. I can’t remember if we were stupid and continued the meal or left on the spot. I’d like to think we left on the spot, but something tells me we stayed. It was 15 years ago. 🙂

        Like

  13. El Guapo

    As someone who used to make the food, I’ve heard them all.
    And the kitchen usually responds to them with an offhand “Oops”.

    Like

  14. The Bumble Files

    Oh, yucky! Mostly hair, I think. I once lived in a horrible apartment where a cockroach came crawling out of my cereal box. I haven’t eat cornflakes since! No, just don’t care for them anymore. The fingernail really grosses me out. I suppose there’s lots of things in our food, etc. I think ignorance is bliss!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I think you’re right. There’s probably much we consume that we are unaware of. Maybe that’s for the best. Unless it’s a cockroach in a cereal box. Gross!

      Like

  15. Audrey Kalman

    Oh, yum. At a mini-mall restaurant on a drive to Southern California with my family, I ordered what appeared to be a delicious panini with mozarella and fresh grilled tomatoes. About 3/4 of the way through, I ate a piece of tomato and felt something hard and pokey go down my throat. What was it? Tomato stem? Toothpick? Shard of plastic? This set off a near-full-blown panic attack and I spent the rest of the drive fearing that I would end up in the hospital with a perforated intestine. (I did not, but if I had, a lawsuit would have ensued.)

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      You get the award for the scariest find. And the worst thing is, you don’t even know what you ate! Wow. I could create an entire blog post illuminating the possibilities: “Audrey’s Pokey Shard, A Mystery”
      😉

      Like

      • Audrey Kalman

        Just proves how resilient we are as a species. Someone just forwarded me the link to a news story about a study showing 75% of all pork is contaminated with bacteria. Amazing more of us aren’t dead from eating (though I know it’s not funny–many people do die).

        Like

        • Carrie Rubin

          Thank goodness for our immune systems. That’s why I preach good nutrition (with the occasional treat, of course…), a full night’s sleep, and exercise. All three maximize our little infection- and cancer-fighting cells.

          Like

  16. valleygirl96

    Great job, Carrie. Now I don’t have to eat lunch…or dinner…or breakfast…for at least a week. At the very least I will only be eating my own food, hair, fingernail and flies.

    Like

  17. whiteladyinthehood

    eeeewww! My stomach is queasy! (I rarely eat at fast-food places because of horror stories about what goes on behind the counters) Had the hair in a burger one time (a super duper long one…makes me wanna puke thinking about it) and once, I bought some ham from a deli at the local grocery store – when I got home and opened it, the smell of windex/ammonia odor almost knocked me over! They had cleaned the inside of the glass, but not taken any of the meat out and everything was saturated in glass cleaner! (I took the meat to the manager and “Smell this!!!” I did get double my money back).

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      The long hair is gross enough, but the glass cleaner thing is just plain scary. How could the person not realize that spraying inside where the meat was would affect everything in the case? Perhaps that individual has suffered from the fumes of said glass cleaner a bit too long. Only chemically induced cerebral deficits could explain that move!

      Like

  18. butimbeautiful

    Oh, just lots of hair! But I did hear that there is an organisation going around putting strychnine in rhino horn medicaments for the Chinese market. Apparently a number of people have already died but it’s been attributed to duck flu. Or something.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Well, that sounds atrocious. Guess I’ll stay away from rhino horn medicaments. Which should be pretty easy, since I don’t know what they are.
      🙂

      Not sure why, but you ended up in my spam folder. But I rescued you!

      Like

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