Elf On The Shelf With Teenage Boys

Given I’m a laggard, I didn’t discover Elf on the Shelf until after Christmas last year.

elf on the shelf

The Who on the What?

From what I understand, parents hide Elfie in a different location each night. He then watches over the children the following day to assess their behavior. In other words, he spies on them. Every morning, the children search for the elf, revel in finding him, and don’t get creeped out by his espionage.

Having two teenage boys, I knew Elfie wouldn’t generate whoops and hollers, but for some inexplicable reason, I decided it would still be fun to get one.

We’ll take turns hiding him, I thought. See who comes up with the cleverest spot.

What an idiot.

As if my boys would be content with such sugar-coated nonsense.

Oh, don’t misunderstand; my sons shuffled around Mr. Elf, all right. They just added a little flair.

Warning:

What you are about to see might shock sensitive, elf-loving readers. It contains vile pictures and a complete disrespect for a beloved Christmas tradition. It is intended for sarcastic-minded viewers only. Rated PP for Poor Parenting.

Visual Holiday Awful Offspring Offal:

Things started out great. Sweet little Elfie arrived shortly after I ordered him.

elf on the shelf new home

Fortunately, given the genderless, red-felt crotch, the box spelled out what we otherwise couldn’t deduce.

elf on the shelf i'm a boy

Pleased with my purchase, I proudly displayed the emaciated pixie on a decorative urn and said to my sons, “Hide him somewhere clever. I’ll be the first to find him.”

elf on the shelf on urn

Elfie’s Journey:

For the next few days, this is what I found:

elf on the shelf knife Delfxter

And this:

elf on the shelf hanging taps

Followed by this:

elf on the shelf taped to bell I spy

And finally this:

elf on the shelf table attack slurp

Oh, dear. Poor little Elfie. He didn’t stand a chance…

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standing color cropped tiny for blog posts

Carrie Rubin is a medical thriller author. Her novels include Eating Bull and The Seneca Scourge. For full bio, click here.

260 Responses to “Elf On The Shelf With Teenage Boys”

  1. muddledmom

    So funny! My daughter got one this year from her grandmother. I honestly hoped my son would hide it for her. I made several lame attempts and then my husband got into it. Thank goodness. He had some clever spots, but seeing this, I’m looking forward to what goes on when the kids get older. They need to have fun too, right?

    Like

  2. jennifer Windram

    This is hilarious.

    Okay, I have no kids, but I pondered getting Elf on the Shelf for my husband (is that weird?). I thought it would be fun getting all creative on where to hide him. Now, I’m thinking something bad might happen to the poor little elf if I got one (my husband is just a big teenager) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you! You, too! I’m currently in New Hampshire visiting family. The weather is no prettier here than it is in Ohio. But it’s nice to get away. 🙂

      Like

  3. butimbeautiful

    Your kids are so funny! I loved that one of the poor elf taped down! I’ll have to remember that rating system of yours too – extremely relevant in my household, as in many, no doubt.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Yes, thanks to social media, I’ve learned that my kids are not the only ones to do these weird things. Seems to be a shared parenting experience, especially for those of us raising boys!

      Like

  4. Ned's Blog

    Loved this, Carrie! Like you, I was pretty oblivious to the whole Elf on a Shelf phenom, at least until I saw a photo of one squatting over a Hersey’s Kiss in a row of cookies with Hersey’s Kisses in the middle. The caption: “This is where those chocolates come from.” At that point, I knew Elf on a Shelf needed to have a place in my life. I also knew I wouldn’t be eating anymore Hersey’s Kisses.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Ha! I saw that Hershey Kiss one, too. I think on Facebook. Luckily my sons kept our elf out of the toilet…

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  5. philosophermouseofthehedge

    Just a quick pause by the sleigh – yesterday there was a story about parents who had a camera in their Elf – and captured their daughters sneaking peaks in the packages….Gotta watch out for even the elves these days – Still love your boys’ take on the Elf . Merry Christmas!

    Like

  6. pegoleg

    Ha! Nothing wrong with starting your OWN Christmas traditions…involving beloved holiday icons turning into crazed killers. Nothing wrong with that at all.

    Have a wonderful, fabulous holiday Carrie!

    Like

  7. ellamedler

    Late to the party, as usual. But what a wonderful joy to read your stories are! Loved your sons’ imagination almost as much as their one-liners. Cool kids. Hugs 🙂

    Like

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