Elf On The Shelf With Teenage Boys

Given I’m a laggard, I didn’t discover Elf on the Shelf until after Christmas last year.

elf on the shelf

The Who on the What?

From what I understand, parents hide Elfie in a different location each night. He then watches over the children the following day to assess their behavior. In other words, he spies on them. Every morning, the children search for the elf, revel in finding him, and don’t get creeped out by his espionage.

Having two teenage boys, I knew Elfie wouldn’t generate whoops and hollers, but for some inexplicable reason, I decided it would still be fun to get one.

We’ll take turns hiding him, I thought. See who comes up with the cleverest spot.

What an idiot.

As if my boys would be content with such sugar-coated nonsense.

Oh, don’t misunderstand; my sons shuffled around Mr. Elf, all right. They just added a little flair.

Warning:

What you are about to see might shock sensitive, elf-loving readers. It contains vile pictures and a complete disrespect for a beloved Christmas tradition. It is intended for sarcastic-minded viewers only. Rated PP for Poor Parenting.

Visual Holiday Awful Offspring Offal:

Things started out great. Sweet little Elfie arrived shortly after I ordered him.

elf on the shelf new home

Fortunately, given the genderless, red-felt crotch, the box spelled out what we otherwise couldn’t deduce.

elf on the shelf i'm a boy

Pleased with my purchase, I proudly displayed the emaciated pixie on a decorative urn and said to my sons, “Hide him somewhere clever. I’ll be the first to find him.”

elf on the shelf on urn

Elfie’s Journey:

For the next few days, this is what I found:

elf on the shelf knife Delfxter

And this:

elf on the shelf hanging taps

Followed by this:

elf on the shelf taped to bell I spy

And finally this:

elf on the shelf table attack slurp

Oh, dear. Poor little Elfie. He didn’t stand a chance…

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standing color cropped tiny for blog postsCarrie Rubin is a medical thriller author with a background in medicine and public health. For full bio and a list of her books, click here.

260 Responses to “Elf On The Shelf With Teenage Boys”

  1. Inion N. Mathair

    Carrie, should’ve known a superstar mom with a wicked sense of humor could’ve only birthed, awesome boys as well!!! Your home sounds like it would be a cheer~ful of seasonal laughter that never ends!! Lovin this more than I can tell you. I’ll be showing this to my teenage son Vincent, who I’m sure will feel completely deprived not having had his own chance to torture a Christmas Elf. As for your mischievious boyz…… They get an A+ for imagination an A+ for effort & an A+ for displaying the best Xmas~ spirit we’ve seen in many-a-year!! Luvin’ this & sharing now. 🙂

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. They are a lot of fun (in between the teenage eye rolls and grunts…), though I’m not sure Elfie would say the same. 😉

      Happy Holidays to you!

      Like

  2. Valentine Logar

    I am most thankful Elf was not around when my sons were teenagers, I am most afraid this is what I would have seen and it would have creeped me out.

    I laughed uproariously when you found it and wrote about it though. Thank you.

    Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays….whatever you prefer.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I suspect my sons could have done much worse, but I’m glad they reigned it in a bit. My oldest said he probably figured I didn’t want Elfie decapitated. Ah, that’s sweet…

      Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to you, too. I imagine it will be difficult for you this year. I hope you can find some joy in it though.

      Like

      • Valentine Logar

        Sweet indeed, you have good sons.

        I suspect it will be hard. I am trying not to think about it. I am grateful my sons are nearby. I hope I don’t moon about, it is times like this I wish I could just crawl into a bottle and drown my sorrows. Damned epilepsy.

        Like

  3. Gede Prama

    Thank you for writing which is quite good, best wishes always for writing and best wishes always and greetings, kindness blossoms in your heart

    Like

  4. C. Miller

    I didn’t know what the elf thing was until about…a month ago, to be honest. Maybe because I’d been avoiding social things for a few years (meaning no FB to see people putting the pictures everywhere).
    I’ve gotta say…if I’d seen THESE pictures on FB……..I would’ve been much happier than I have been the past couple weeks.
    Thanks for sharing. XD

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Yep, once we get that book out, we have to make ourselves so much more visible, don’t we? Even on Facebook. I’m with you on that one. I’m not as enamored with FB. Mostly because I don’t understand it. Twitter makes more sense to me. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      True, true. My kids don’t lack for imagination, that’s for sure.

      Thanks for stopping by, Carol. I hope you have a great holiday season!

      Like

  5. 4amWriter

    The minute I saw the title to this post, I knew what we were in for. I just knew. Spooky, isn’t it? 😉

    A friend of mine got me the Elf on the Shelf last year, thinking I didn’t want to feel left out of the latest craze. Please. Leave me out. I just can’t get into this tradition for some reason. But like a good mom, I followed through on my elf shuffling duty and the kids really do get into the idea of him sneaking all around the house, spying on us.

    One of my cats really likes the elf. He’s had a fun time batting him out of his hiding places. It’s almost as bad as batting off the ornaments from the tree. But I digress…

    Merry Christmas, Carrie! See you in 2014!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      You’ll have to get your camera ready and snap photos of your cat batting the elf around. You could create an Elf vs. Cat blog post next year. 🙂

      You’re a good mom. I don’t think I’d have the patience to hide him every night for a month, so I like my kids’ version. They don’t hide him everyday anymore, but when I least expect it, there he is. Elfie is currently straddling the hatchet of one of our large soldier nutcrackers. Poor guy…

      Merry Christmas to you, too, Kate!

      Like

  6. Joanna Aislinn

    Too funny. Leave it to you, Carrie. And your boys. Hope you’re enjoying this Christmas and holiday season. I learned about said elf a few days ago too. You are not alone.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I’m sure your own boys would have some fun with him, too. 🙂

      I’ve reached the point where I pretty much have everything done for Christmas, so now I can just sit back and enjoy it. Yay! Merry Christmas to you, too!

      Like

  7. whiteladyinthehood

    Oh My Goodness! When I got to the first picture and he was holding a knife…..I have not laughed this hard in a long time!!! I adore your boys! They are hilarious! Merry Christmas!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Glad I could make you laugh. Or should I say, glad my boys could make you laugh. 🙂

      Most recently, I found Elfie strapped to the hatchet of one of our large soldier nutcrackers. Jeez, we have some violent Christmas decorations…

      Merry Christmas to you, too! Thanks as always for stopping by. 🙂

      Like

  8. notedinnashville

    The last picture is my favorite! Those are some clever boys you have. I have a student who was telling me last year about her Elf. It took me months to figure out what the heck she was talking about. “So … it has batteries?” “No, Ms. Anita. It’s real!” I’m just glad I didn’t blow it by blurting out, “Ohhh, your parents are moving it (her)!” when I finally put it together.

    Have a very Merry Christmas, Carrie! I’ll catch you on the flip side in 2014.

    Like

  9. Dave

    Ha ha … this is hilarious. Your boys are funny.

    I think if I’d known about this little elf guy back when my kids were younger, I’d have started the tradition.

    Have a wonderful Christmas and a happy new year!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Yep, my boys definitely keep me entertained. I was just walking past one of our Christmas nutcrackers a few minutes ago and saw one of my kids had attached Elfie to the soldier’s hatchet. Ah, that’s sweet. Of course, why we have a big nutcracker with a hatchet is beyond me…

      Merry Christmas to you, too! Thanks, as always, for dropping by. 🙂

      Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Haha, yes, it appears that way. I’ll have to go check out your post when I get a chance. Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it!

      Like

  10. Lori D

    Us sarcastic minded bloggers find it hilarious. Have a fantastic holiday, Carrie, and good luck with Elfie.

    Like

  11. PinotNinja

    If I had to wear a giant red onesie with no feet, I too would turn to a life of crime and running with the wrong crowd.

    Like

  12. El Guapo

    I shudder to think what will happen if elfie meets a stray barbie in the house…

    marry xmas and happy new year, Carrie, to you and all of yours.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Ha, good thing there are no Barbies to be found in this house. Well, I think there was a Doctor Barbie at some point, but she wisely evacuated during our spring cleaning.

      Thanks. Merry Christmas to you, too!

      Like

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