Is That Your Fitbit Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

A while back I sent out the following tweet:

 

telomere tweet upper half

 

Shortly after, a good Twitter bud gave me some much-deserved ribbing:

 

No, Sheldon didn’t star my tweet and Penny didn’t reply. I’ve messed with the photo to protect the innocent.

No, Sheldon didn’t star my tweet and Penny didn’t reply. I’ve messed with the photo to protect the innocent.

 

If that 140-character stinker doesn’t highlight my Frasier Crane tendencies, I don’t know what does.

But this post isn’t about what comes out of my eggheaded blowhole. We covered that last time. Today it’s about what comes out of my Fitbit.

Fitbit

Not long ago, I invested in a Fitbit fitness tracker. I’m all about people maintaining their health, and if these devices motivate you to do so, I say go for it. After all, who doesn’t want longer telomeres?

But unfortunately, because I’m too lazy to input my eating and exercise data, I use the tracker more as a glorified pedometer. Therefore, I won’t review its functions.

Instead, I’d like to show you how close the two of us have become. I’m sorry if this disturbs you. It did me, too.

Fitbit Talks To The Queen

First off, I’ve programmed it to call me Queen. Why? Why not.

fb queen 2

In the beginning of our relationship, innocent greetings flashed whenever I put it on. Things like:

FB cheers

and

fb howdy

and

fb hi there

But over time, my new friend grew bolder, making the Midwest girl in me avert my gaze and tug at my sports bra. Things like:

fb woot

and

fb rock on

and

fb high five

and

fb hey hey

That last one made me blush, but the tracker wasn’t done with me yet. In fact, it started to get kind of bossy, and soon these flashes appeared:

FB ready

and

fb walk me

and

fb faster 2

But just when I was about to get angry, it launched into scary (and thus made me wary) with phrases like:

fb its on

and

fb burn it

Until finally the thing grew downright creepy with flashes of:

fb i like you

and

fb hug me

and

fb smooches 2

and

fb love ya 2

Those last couple made me look over my shoulder and snatch up a dumbbell should the need for a weapon arrive. I’m an introvert for crying out loud. That’s far too much intimacy for a fitness tracker.

Then again, I do clip it onto my bra…

Do you have a Fitness tracker or a pedometer? Are any of your electronic devices trying to take it to the next level? Any guesses as to how long it took me to catch these flashes and photograph them? Let’s just say my hair is now gray.

*     *     *

Rubin4Carrie Rubin is the author of The Seneca Scourgea medical thriller. For full bio, click here.   

272 Responses to “Is That Your Fitbit Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?”

  1. frederick anderson

    Beyond me, this. If I had one of those little jiggers I can imagine its comments would be in quite a different vein. ‘Stopped already?’ or ‘Take deep breaths’ spring to mind. All my electronic toys bully me without mercy, so I’m used to the treatment. In fact, I could use a little sympathy…

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Well then you need a Fitbit that doles out “atta boys” and “you’re the best!” Somewhere, someone must make such a thing…

      Like

  2. Andrea Stephenson

    I did consider getting one of these, now I’m not so sure – are you sure there’s not an artificial intelligence hiding in there? 🙂

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      There might very well be. Perhaps it’s already taken over my mind. That would certainly explain things. 😉

      Thanks for the Twitter share!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dawn Quyle Landau

    So Carrie, when I saw this post the other day in my in box, I set it aside. I had JUST been writing a post about my Fitbit, and out came yours and one by David Sedaris… I mean, how can I compete with you two??!! I had three posts for this week and figured I’d keep mine in drafts for the inevitable continuation of the dry spell I’m having on TFTM… but, I couldn’t wait to read yours! HILARIOUS!! This is fantastic! I seriously laughed out loud.

    So a few things: I too programmed mine to call me Queen! Then, I traded up (I’ve been at this a while) and my new one doesn’t give me all those cook messages; it just buzzes and congratulates me when I hit my 10,000. When I hit 26,000+ recently, on my retreat (4 days out of 9!!) I felt it should have actually rubbed my feet for me! 😉 Great writing and great fun; love your post! (Has anyone told you that your Fitbit sounds vaguely sexual? Just sayin’… )

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Haha, this is too funny, Dawn. I didn’t know Sedaris wrote about his Fitbit. I’ll have to hunt that down. And how cool you have yours call you ‘Queen’ too. Great minds think alike, I guess. I look forward to seeing your post. I’m sure you’ll have a unique spin on the topic!

      And yes, on those days I pass 25,000 steps, I expect more than a ‘Hey Hey’ or ‘Hi there’ dang it!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Gail Kaufman

    Fitbit is very popular. I heard today the company is going public, but Apple Watch has fitness tracking capabilities too. Maybe you’ll get one for Mother’s Day!

    Like

  5. Léa

    Not even a pedometer here. C’est la vie! My walking is in the hills so we do get a bit of a work-out. As for the technology du jour, it just isn’t for me.
    There is also a lot of dancing here. Does that count? 😉

    Like

  6. Brigitte

    Carrie, that is kind of creepy. I have a pedometer, only that, on my iPhone. I’ve thought of getting a fitbit but not sure I’d use all that’s on there (whatever IS on it) and I’m most likely throw it across the room if it began bossing me around. ha!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Yeah, if you don’t think you’ll input data, then a plain old pedometer is the way to go. Not sure what made me so ambitious to think I’d actually enter my food intake and exercise. Not enough hours in the day. But for some people, that can be really motivating to stay on track.

      Like

  7. roughwighting

    Wow – a lot of people have a lot to say about the Fitbit. I’m a huge walker. Well, let me rephrase that. Walking has prevented me from becoming huge. In fact, walking keeps me as fit (and same weight) as when I was a teenager. That’s incentive enough. Plus, walking keeps me sane (well, perhaps I should say, less in-sane). Thus, I haven’t felt the need to wear a Fitbit, since I already keep moving as much as possible. That said, I’d like to be called QUEEN every day, and a few Rock On greetings could make my day! 🙂

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Walking is one of the best forms of exercise and something most everyone can do. Like you, I do a lot of walking and really don’t need the Fitbit. But as you say, it’s nice to be called ‘Queen.’ 😉

      Like

  8. Jennifer J. Chow

    Haha! It’s like Big Brother on a wrist. (We have a Fitbit lying around somewhere, but it’s super old and doesn’t blurt out messages to us.)

    Like

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