Hey, Dr. Family Member, Can You Help Me with That?

When you go into medicine, some things are a given:

  • You will study hard
  • You will work long hours and lose sleep
  • You will get weird text messages from your family

Okay, maybe that last one wasn’t a thing when I went to med school. After all, emails were just surfacing. But it is now.

So if you become a doctor, you will get text messages like these:*

c diff

#  #  #

 

pain in neck

#  #  #

 

bumps on neck

 

But that’s cool. I’m happy to be of service. Questions about colons don’t bother me. Neither do questions about prostates, though, as a pediatrician, I might not be your best resource.

See diagram below:

(Original images from Wikipedia)

(Original images from Wikipedia)

Sound familiar?

You probably experience the same thing. Whether lawyer or mechanic, hair stylist or information technologist, stay-at-home parent or grandparent, your friends and family members likely seek your expertise.

But now that I’ve ventured into fiction (and its associated duties like promotion and publishing blog posts about colons and prostates), who’s going to text me about writing?**

Well, funny you should ask …

(And let’s pretend you did.)

trump

#  #  #

 

obama

#  #  #

 

bernie

It’s good to see I can be useful in both worlds. One always likes to be needed. But if these men start texting me questions about their prostates, I’m outta here.

What types of expertise requests do you get?

*Yes, these first three texts are real.

**No, these last three texts are not real.

(Thank you to my family for letting me have some fun with these messages. You’re good sports.)

*     *     *

Rubin4Carrie Rubin is the author of Eating Bull and The Seneca Scourge. For full bio, click here.

 

 

 

 

284 Responses to “Hey, Dr. Family Member, Can You Help Me with That?”

  1. Doctor Jonathan

    I’m still working on the oxymoron doctor and sense of humor. Glad to see your versatility being skilled in both! In the health care field, a sense of humor will go a long way.

    Hopefully GMO’s will be avoided by Gerber products. If they aren’t you might want to start exercising that requisite finger to prepare it for performing digital exams on those little ones! 😀
    Sorry, my attempt at humor is not nearly as proficient as yours.
    Have a great week!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you, and thank you for reading. In reality, my blog is a humor one. Occasionally I write about health topics, mostly obesity and food-related. But mostly it’s humor and often focused on writing. 🙂

      Like

  2. BunKaryudo

    Love the fake texts! I sympathize with President Obama when it comes to the Oxford comma. I always want to add it, but I force myself not to most of the time unless the sentence is too confusing without it. Whichever way I go, though, somebody is going to tell me it’s wrong.

    Incidentally, I’m sorry I can’t give you any examples of texts I’ve received begging my expertize. People know better than to ask my advice on anything. 🙂

    Like

  3. Aquileana

    Hahaha…. sometimes reality surpasses fiction…
    Those messages you have received are odd…. I wonder if you charge them per message… cause It seems to be tricky to me… a dm is far cheaper than a medical visit, even if the questions exceed your scope.
    Thanks for sharing, dear Carrie. Happy weekend to you… Love and best wishes. Aquileana 🌻🌟

    Like

  4. Kourtney Heintz

    LOL. I love the redacted texts. And your imaginings of the presidential candidates’ texts. Because I worked on Wall Street, people think that I can look at the name of a stock and tell them if it’s a good investment. As a writer, I get a lot of “Here’s a great idea, you should write it for me.”

    Like

      • Kourtney Heintz

        I don’t mind looking at a 401k and reviewing the investments, but off the top of my head, I usually can’t say that’s great or stay away from that. 😉

        Like

  5. Gail Kaufman

    I have a reputation at work of being technical when it comes to document design. I get questions like: How do I make the footer go away? Why doesn’t the table of contents include all the contents? Why do the headings look funny? I’m like the Doctor of MS Office.

    Loved your political humor in this post. Very clever.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you. I can see where a ‘Doctor of MS Office’ would be very handy to have around. I’m jealous of your colleagues!

      Like

  6. Dawn Quyle Landau

    I don’t have to tell you, it’s a never ending cycle of favors and questions. Some w don’t mind at all, but I’m always taken aback when folks who generally don’t give me the time of day, message me to ask if Dr Husband can get them in to see, can get them in sooner, can just take a quick look at, or can answer a couple of questions… irg. That is a really sound. You always hit that nail on the head!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you. I don’t mind helping my family out, but some of the questions I get are indeed interesting! No doubt it’s the same for you guys.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Curmudgeon-at-Large

    I am an expert on… getting old. Seriously.

    My (slightly) younger acquaintances consider me the expert on old age – how do sign up for Social Security, what additional medical coverage do you have, what do you to fill hours in retirement… I point out that they, too, will soon become experts on this topic as well. All they have to do is age.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Carrie Rubin

      But see? That’s actually very useful advice. Now I know who to contact when the AARP starts knocking on my door.

      Like

  8. L. Marie

    That’s hilarious!!
    Since I have edited books for many years and evaluated manuscripts for publishers (for acquisitions), all kinds of people shove manuscripts at me, wanting free editorial advice. I don’t mind giving some advice. I do mind someone who expects me to edit a book for free.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Yes, advice is one thing, but actually editing a piece is something else. Takes a lot of time. My husband asks me to edit things, and for him I don’t mind, but it’s never quite as quick a process as one might think.

      Like

  9. frederick anderson

    Aren’t people weird? I have the luxury of being over the watershed, which means no-one ever asks me anything. They think I’m a bit vague anyway, but if I do have a precious fount of knowledge, its bound to be out of date. But while I’m on, I do have this strange tingling in my….

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Ha, I’ll see your tingling and raise you a cramp.

      And I suspect you’re selling yourself short. You no doubt have a wealth of knowledge to impart on others should they ask. And if they don’t? Well, more reading time for you then!

      Like

  10. reocochran

    So, so funny, Carrie!! 😀 I should pass this post on to my brother and sister in law. Not medical areas but both have their PhD’s!!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I guess it goes to show no matter what our background is, we can all help those around us. And that’s a good thing!

      Like

  11. Andrea Stephenson

    I’m obviously not considered an expert since I don’t get any weird requests – I’m a libraries manager but people tend to think I just stamp books all day…Great post, had a great laugh at these ones.

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you. I would think librarians–and others who work there–might get asked research type questions. Things like, “Hey, where can I find this?” Of course, now with Google, that task is easier, albeit not always reliable.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Chez Shea

    As a sociologist, nobody ever texts me with pressing sociological questions. Damn- knew I took the wrong course!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Ha, yes, you’re probably safe with that degree in terms of getting questions from family members!

      Thanks for visiting!

      Like

  13. Lady Quixote/Linda Lee

    As a mom and grandma, I get medical question texts from my grown kids. It never occurred to me until this minute that I can just forward them on to you. 😉

    Why is it that when you Google a symptom, 9 times out of 10 Google informs you that you probably have a fatal disease? Then when you go to your doctor with your Google diagnosis, you can actually see her giving herself a migraine headache from trying so hard not to roll her eyes?

    And what’s up with all the adverb hate, anyway?

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Ha, yes, it’s always risky to Google medical ailments. Never know what you might get diagnosed with!

      As for adverbs, I don’t mind a few sprinkled in. I use them very judiciously. But then I see famous writers who throw them out whenever they like, and I wonder why am I being so careful?

      Liked by 1 person

    • Carrie Rubin

      Thank you! I appreciate you stopping by. I’m so sorry your comment went to spam. That’s not a nice way to greet you! But I rescued it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. UpChuckingwords

    Yikes! Do you get photographs too? What do you think about these new dr appointments via the e-waves?
    Librarians get some weird inquiries from everyone!

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      I have received some photos. Usually rash-related. 🙂

      Telemedicine is a great resource as is more opportunities online. But as with everything, people have to be careful and know what they’re getting.

      No doubt librarians get all sorts of requests!

      Like

  15. pegoleg

    Funny and fascinating as always. But I think the question on everyone’s mind is: what WAS the deal with those 2 bumps on the hairline?

    Liked by 1 person

  16. roughwighting

    You are so funny! I love your sense of humor. I think because I have a very similar type of humor! 😈
    Believe it or not, I have received texts, emails, and phone calls from family and friends (and coworkers) with questions about editing. Many many over the years. But I have never received one from a president or a presidential candidate. xo

    Like

    • Carrie Rubin

      Well, there’s always tomorrow. 😉

      I get requests for editing as well. I don’t usually mind, but that can take longer than the medical questions do!

      Thank you! Glad you enjoyed the post. 🙂

      Like

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